BABIES IN DANGER

I had the pleasure of volunteering at the James Jordan Boys and Girls club last week. I was impressed with the people that I encountered and had a great time with the kids. While there I got to play teacher at the center, which made my day.

It was during the after school program. I and another co-worker of mine gave the kids’ afternoon snack. After we completed that task, one of the program administrators came to retrieve us to assist with a spelling B. We were in a room of around twenty two kids that ranged from 4th through 7th grade. When the spelling B started I was so shocked I couldn’t believe it.

As those kids started to spell the first word “stretch”, I came to realize that our current public school system is totally failing our children. These kids were so full of energy, but as I continued to give out spelling words I discovered that our children have been cheated out of basic education.

With our systems so geared toward teaching to test, our children are missing simple phonics. These kids were struggling with words like library and vacation. I felt like my heart was going to break. I really almost broke into tears. I stayed with those kids for several hours and they seemed excited and encouraged about learning to sound out.

This was a pure example that it takes a village to raise a child. I know that the educational system is not totally at fault, but our children spend more time with teachers than they do at home with adults. Parents are so stretched out working and trying to keep a roof over their heads.

From that day, I have vowed to spend more time with these kids. We have to continue to reach out to our children. When I say our, I mean all children not just those that we have given birth to. I plan to try to make it a monthly venture to give back to some of these kids that don’t have strong educational forces in their lives. Knowledge is power and it is a power to be shared with those that may not have the opportunity to get some one on one support at home.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life Real Talk Real Women

Clean Closet

I am in a reassessing stage of my life. This is not uncommon. Every few years I take a step back and reevaluate the things going on in my life. I look at where I am and compare it to where I aim to be, financially, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. For those decisions that I have made that have brought peace, joy and success to my life….I make no apologies. For those decisions that I have made that have brought disappointment, sadness and confusion….I make no excuses.

My goal is to clean out my closet. Not the one that holds my clothes, purses and shoes but the one that holds my peace, happiness and destiny. I rid my life of the things, and people, that are not on board with my forward movement. A wise woman once told me that people will laugh at you because you’ve changed, but the joke’s on them because they have not.

As I often go through this cleansing process, I’ve had to make some very tough decisions as to what goes in the toss pile and what I will keep. Since I’m a work in progress, my keep pile is always larger than the toss pile. I’m getting there, taking baby steps.

I’ve tossed out overspending on material things to compensate for emotional issues that I’ve avoided dealing with. I’ve tossed out a friendship of almost 20 years that just reached the end of its season. I’ve tossed out using the words fat and diet. I’ve tossed out the huge list of reasons why I can’t focus on being healthy. I’ve tossed out feeling sad that my mother is ill, and I am learning to appreciate everyday that I have to spend with her.

Though I am still cleaning the closet, the progress so far has made room for so many wonderful blessings that I know are to come.

What will be in your toss pile?

Happy Cleaning,

Clutch

Oh no the hell he didn't!

You guessed it!

When Carl got home Stacey did not say a word about what she had heard. In the back of her mind, she wanted to confront him but her gut was telling her that he would deny it.

Stacey asked Carl about his trip and he gave her the usual, it was okay. He did not give much detail but had the nerve to crack a joke saying that a woman made a pass at him. At that point, Stacey was ready to blow a gasket but was able to calm herself down before she said or did something that she would regret.

Now that Carl was home a few days, Stacey had a chance to talk to him about how he made her feel. Carl being the stubborn, self-centered, unconcerned person that he was did not validate any of her feeling, thoughts, or assumptions. He just felt that she was being jealous for no reason and did not want to talk about it anymore.

He threatened to leave her if she did not stop the accusations.

Stacey left for work and Carl did not kiss her goodbye like he had done in the past. He sat there on the couch with a blank expression not even acknowledging that she was leaving. She tried to call him while she was on the road; no answer. She tried to call him once she got to work; still no answer. Finally she tried him again on her way home; and he still did not answer.

Her heart began to race and her mind was filled with crazy thoughts, “Was there a woman in my house.” “Did something happen to him?” Finally Carl picked up the phone on the fourth call. He had a raspy, groggy voice as if he had a long night at the bar. Hello Carl, Stacey said as she quickly tapped her newly manicured nails on her steering wheel. She did not give him time to speak but continued to fuss and complain until all of her thoughts of him were said. After calling him one last name, she hung up the phone abruptly to show him how angry that she was.

Back at home, Carl planned a night on the town for himself with the thought of being long gone before Stacey returned home. He put on his leather jacket, grabbed his car keys, and headed for the door. By the time Stacey arrived, he was gone for the evening. Eleven o’clock turned to midnight turned to 2am and there was still no sign of Carl. He finally stumbled into the door at 3am and trust me when I say, it was on and poppin!

At the end of the word exchange Carl finally gave Stacey some insight into what was wrong. He admitted that he was not sure he wanted to continue the marriage. He felt that he was at a point in his life where he wanted to hang with his friends and did not need her to nag him about his behavior. This of course broke Stacey’s heart and she was at a loss lost for words. She was not sure what to do now because this was such a fatal blow. She tried to convince him that he did not mean what he said. He was intoxicated so he was not thinking clearly.

Stacey left their home to go and clear her head. She drove and cried, cried and drove not believing what she had heard. Once she returned home, Carl was on the couch asleep. She wanted to kill him on the spot but instead she headed upstairs to the bedroom. The next afternoon when they saw each other, there was complete silence… no good mornings, how are you, nothing. Stacey went off to work on a project leaving Carl at home. When she returned, it was as if the house had been robbed!

The $3,000 television and video equipment was gone, all of his clothes were gone, even the DVD movies and storage racks were gone. Carl had taken all of these things from the house with not so much as a goodbye.

As Stacey’s eyes burned with tears and anger she sat in the middle of the floor with her hands covering her eyes. She had not only lost her husband, but all of the things that she had purchased and worked hard to acquire. Her first thought was to jump in her car and look for him; but then should she knew that she would do something that she would regret. Instead she let the hurt and pain take over her body, held herself tightly and bellowed. The pain cut so deep like a knife. It hurt like coarse salt in a fresh wound. She never thought in a million years that her life would turn out this way so unfortunately she did not know what to do.

Stacey needs more help with how to handle this situation. Should she (1) Call the police, (2) Try to call Carl’s phone, (3) Call Carl’s momma, (4) Call her best girlfriend and tell her, (5) Do nothing; wait it out and see what happens or (6) Go and talk to her pastor?


Word to the wise: You are always worth more than anyone can ever take from you.

Know your worth!

Next weeks installment: Pick up the pieces.


Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

It is amazing what can be done when there are new things implemented. Ever heard the more we change the more we remain the same.

Recently there has been again a pledge of don’t ask don’t tell especially directed towards the gay men and women who want to enter the army. Of course, like anything in life there were negative comments, along with positive ones.

The straight persons seem to be worried about their privacy being taken away from them, in that they won’t be free to shower without being stared at, or simply walk without a shirt if they want to.

The gay people were worried that if they were allowed to ‘mingle and work’ with the straight men and women, how much verbal abuse they would have to subject themselves to.

The point is what happened to working together with a common goal: Why do we have to always bring our personal expressions to each other? Why is it so hard to just work towards a common goal, do what needs to be done and then part amicably?

Yes we are entitled to our thoughts, feelings, desires...but sometimes we need to support each other and just don’t ask, that way we won’t be offended by what is given as an answer.

Exotic Chocolate, Sling Back

Real Life , Real Talk, Real Women

Kitten Heels Recommends....

I enjoy books! I mean really enjoy them! I could spend entire days in a library or a book store. I used to think that I should have become a librarian or book store manager. But I don’t want to help other people find books, or look up info, I want to browse, read and repeat. I actually like the smell of libraries. I don’t think I’ll ever get a Kindle. It was during one of my library trips that I found the first book that I am recommending. The title was so provocative that I had to pick it up. It is titled One Month to Live: 30 Days to a No-Regrets Life by Kerry and Chris Shook. I almost left it, because I thought it would be a sad account of someone’s last month of life. The subtitle is in smaller print. I’m so glad that I did pick it up because it is a book about life. Living life! I was so excited that I recommended it to everyone that I knew. The ladies of this blog decided to read the book and have a discussion about it. For many of us it was life changing. Here is the product description:

What if you only had one month to live? How would you make each day meaningful? How would you relate to others differently? What would you do to make the rest of your life really matter?

With eye-opening insights and soul-inspiring truths, One Month to Live will challenge you to embrace the life God has entrusted to you and you alone, and to live it out moment by moment with wholehearted authenticity, honesty, and integrity.

Each chapter overflows with inspiring quotations, colorful true stories, and questions for reflection. The four sections, which can be read over four weeks, help you examine the core areas inside you that long to be exercised and expressed: how you’re made to live passionately, love boldly, learn from your mistakes, and leave a legacy that endures for generations after you’re gone. Complete with uplifting action points, each of the thirty chapters–one per day in a life-changing month–offers you fresh strategies for overcoming habits that mire you in mediocrity.

Open yourself to the challenge of embracing your mortality and being empowered to live each day engaged in being fully alive.



Many people have already experienced this awesome book, if you haven’t, pick it up today. I think, I’ll read my copy again.

Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Make a conscious decision to appreciate yourself every single day

That was the message from Dr. Phil to a reader in the “O” magazine this month.

His reasoning was that we spend every minute of every day with ourselves and who better to appreciate you, than you.

Dr. Phil asked the reader to say to herself:

“I accept myself, flaws and all. I don’t need to go through life with a chip on
my shoulder, nor must I let people walk all over me”

Further, start by making a list of your personal strengths, and then ask your family and friends to share what they like about you.

My personal mantra, “be happy in this lifetime, as no one has come back from the dead to tell us how it is on the other side. During each and every day I strive to be a good wife, good mother, good co-worker, good friend, good family member, good church member and all around good human being. So, every night when I say my prayers, I make sure that I am thankful and appreciative of those things. If I haven’t been good in those categories, I strive to do better the next day. But I go to sleep knowing that I did the best I could, should I not wake up and that gives me peace.

Knowing your strength and weaknesses help to make you a better person. Let’s face it, we are not perfect, but we can strive for a great happy medium that is built on love and appreciation of ourselves and each other.

Tell me what gives you peace and how you appreciate yourself each and every day?

Have a great week!

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Can you say PUMPKIN?

Well I’m not really a huge Halloween fan but I do really like pumpkin so in the spirit of the season I do have a couple of pumpkin recipes to share. I am a follower of the following healthy eating site: http://www.hungrygirl.com/. A great site for tips and tricks on how to eat Guilt Free. They also provide really good alternatives when you are doing the fast food run. Well I’m not a huge cook but I’ve actually tried a couple of their recipes and have been pleasantly surprised. They are usually fast and very tasty!

A couple of weeks ago they had a couple of interesting pumpkin recipes and being a lover of pumpkin I decided to try a couple for fun. There were about 7 but I’m going to share the two that I tried.

Carmel Pudding Pumpkin Cupcakes
(Makes 12 servings)
Per serving (1 cupcake): 108 calories, 2g fat, 188mg sodium, 21g carbs, 0.5g fiber, 12g sugars, 2g protein

Ingredients for cupcakes:
• 2 cups moist-style yellow cake mix (1/2 of an 18.25-ounce box)
• 1 cup canned pure pumpkin
• 1/3 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
• 2 tablespoons sugar-free maple syrup
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 2 teaspoons Splenda No Calorie Sweetener (granulated)
• 1/8 teaspoon salt

Ingredients for topping:
• 3 cubes (about 1 ounce) chewy caramel
• 2 teaspoons light vanilla soymilk

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Combine all cupcake ingredients in a mixing bowl with 1/3 cup of water. Whip with a whisk or fork for 2 minutes until well blended. Spray a 12-cup muffin pan with nonstick spray or line with baking cups. Evenly spoon batter into muffin cups. Place pan in the oven and cook for about 12 minutes (until cupcakes have puffed up but still appear a little gooey on top).

Once cupcakes are cool enough to handle, arrange them closely on a plate so that the edges are touching. Place caramel and soymilk in a tall microwave-safe glass or dish (mixture will bubble and rise when heated). Microwave at medium power for 1 1/2 minutes. Stir mixture vigorously until smooth and thoroughly blended. (Return to microwave for 30 seconds at medium heat if caramel has not fully melted.) Immediately drizzle caramel sauce over cupcakes.

Pumpkin-licious Nog

This is sooooo good!! If you want to make an alcoholic version which I usually do, nix the rum extract and add 5 oz. of rum to the recipe. Each serving of the spiked stuff has 174 calories.

Ingredients:
5 cups light vanilla soymilk
One small (4-serving) package sugar-free fat-free instant vanilla pudding mix
6 no-calorie sweetener packets (I use Splenda)
2/3 cup canned pure pumpkin
1 tsp. rum extract (or 5 oz of the real stuff)
½ tsp ground nutmeg
½ tsp pumpkin pie spice
¼ tsp cinnamon
Optional Topping: additional cinnamon

Directions:
In a blender, combine all ingredients and blend on high until mixed thoroughly. Refrigerate for a few hours to all it to thicken. If you like, top each glass off with a sprinkling of cinnamon.

So enjoy the season and try one of these pumpkin recipes or go to http://www.hungrygirl.com/ and check out the others. ENJOY!!!!!!


Stiletto
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo's Question of the Day

What do you do when you find yourself acting as an unsolicited therapist or when you no longer want to play the role of marital advisor.

I ask this question because recently I have found myself playing the part of therapist for my next door neighbors. Not too long ago I overheard my neighbors having what sounded like a physical domestic dispute. I called the police, who intervened and told the male that he had to leave.

That was the beginning of the end. The girlfriend told me the next day that he had been abusive to her over their almost 2 year long relationship, and that he no longer lived there, and that she had told him to move out. One week later he was back and the both of them wanted me to know that they were engaged.

Things were quite for awhile, but the fights began again and the police showed up again. About 2 weeks ago. I overheard the fighting again and before I could again call the police this time. There was a knock at my door. This time it was the boyfriend at the door. He told me that she was the one that was being abusive and that he needed to use my phone to call the police to have her arrested and to retrieve his belongings in order for him to move out.
Well, two weeks later he is back and another fight occurred and now she wants to know if she should take him back (again). I truly believe that I have given just about every bit of advice I can give and told them both how unhealthy the relationship appears to be.

So, my question is, how much advice can I give. Or should I even continue to give advice to a couple who seem determined to remain together despite the amount of hurt they are causing one another.
Looking for answers,

Hobo
Real talk, Real life, Real women

Whatever Happened To…..

I volunteered at my niece’s school a couple of weeks ago and decided that at recess I would have a dual purpose idea…"Let’s play Double Dutch!" I could entertain the kids and get some exercise at the same time. Perfect! That was until 4 of the 5 girls standing around shouted, "What’s Double Dutch?" In disbelief, I had to ask if they were kidding. Unfortunately, they were not. I tried to teach each of them Double Dutch but eventually gave up when I realized that 26 minutes wasn’t nearly enough time. Not only could they not jump, but they couldn’t turn either. They were what I like to call "double handed". It took me almost 3 summers to learn to jump rope so I didn’t think an accelerated jump rope lesson would be successful.

This situation made me think about all the things that I just don’t see anymore. Whatever happened to:

1) Kids playing outdoors
2) Going to churches small enough that the pastor knows the name of each member….and the
names of their family members who never seem to make it to church
3) Phone conversations….with text, email and Twitter, who has time to actually talk?!?! There’s
nothing like the essence of a real live conversation!
4) Santa Clause…I have several friends who tell their children at a young age that there is no
Santa and that Mommy and Daddy buy all the gifts. What a DUD! I get it, but I believed in
Santa for years and turned out okay. Let children have their imaginations back!
5) When the Atari cartridge messed up, taking it out and blowing in it to fix it…..no answer
needed here, but I had to throw that one in.
6) Cooking from scratch. I know there are a few of us who still do this, but many of us would
have no idea how to make a dumpling from scratch!
7) Holding the door for the person behind you when you clearly see that it will shut in their face
if you don’t. Urrrggghhh! This makes me so mad. What happened to being courteous? Are we
really in that much of a hurry?
8) Good music…I mean really good music. There are a lot of artists that I LOVE but there are
many more that confuse me as to how they got a record deal.
9) Good customer service!
10) Men that realize that caring for their children is mandatory and not optional…and no, you do
not get praise for doing what you are supposed to do.

I want everyone to share something from the "old days" that they miss. The "old days" could be 20, 5 or 2 years prior. What’s that one thing that you don’t see happen that may help make our world a better place.

I realize that Atari is not coming back, but I will make an effort to hold the door for the person behind me.

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.
Clutch

How Healthy Is Your Brain?

I know that I often find myself saying “I can’t remember anything.” And I have several friends who find themselves doing the same. We (my friends and I) are approaching that age where body parts start heading south, it takes more effort to do what once came easily and things start getting fuzzy.

I know “they” (who ever “they” are) say that doing crossword puzzles, Sudoku and other brain teaser puzzles help to keep your mind sharp. Well, I’ve never been good at crossword puzzles so that won’t work for me. I do try to do Sudoku at least once a day and while I love doing brain teasers, I have a hard time finding them easily.

That is until a friend of mine (who is also a faithful follower of this blog) recently turned me on to a website that is supposed to give your brain a workout. The site is Lumosity (http://www.lumosity.com) and they specialize in brain games and brain training.

Here’s a little of their philosophy:
We now know that our mental abilities, such as memory, attention, creativity, and problem solving, can be improved at any age with the right kind of brain exercise. The Lumos Labs mission is to take advantage of these new scientific findings to make effective brain training available in a form that is engaging and accessible.
Some of their users have reported: clearer and quicker thinking; improved memory for names, numbers, directions, etc.; increased alertness and awareness; elevated mood; better concentration at work or while driving. Who couldn’t stand improvement in any of those areas?!!

It’s free to get started and there are lots of activities that you can do without having to pay. I also believe they offer a free trial period to their entire site. After the free trial you can revert to just the free activities or you can become a subscriber (see site for details). It seems that the biggest benefit to the subscription is the on-line tracking, but who needs that? I think just exercising your brain is enough and you’ll notice the improvement as you go.

Just wanted to share some info for those of you who are like me and have cobwebs upstairs. Stop by Lumosity and sweep some of those cobwebs away!

Luv Ya!!
A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Did Someone Say A Star was Born? Celebrate YOU!

Women are creative creatures. We work very hard, making sure our families and homes are taken care of, so many times neglecting ourselves. We ride the waves of life with ease and skill. Our lives are full of the P’s (planning, preparing, protecting, producing, and perseverance).

Rarely do we celebrate the women that we are or the accomplishments that we make. If we do celebrate, it’s normally for the monuments of life at 40 or 50 years of life, but what about the other years? Well this is for the women who think waiting for the multiples of 10 is when one should celebrate.

Diva B celebrated her 47th birthday. She decided that life for her was an accomplishment with trials, tribulations and successes which she should celebrate now! She realized that she had starred in the series of Life….

Since she couldn’t make it to the Grammy’s in California, she brought the show to Crete Monee! It was a Star Studded event. Hollywood theme...lights adorned the sky in front of her home accompanied by the Red Carpet and velvet rope.

Who needs Hollywood when she had her youngest daughter as the Mistress of Ceremonies greeting everyone on the Red Carpet? Charlene and her camera crew approached their guests with a smile and several questions. Although caught off guard, everyone rose to the challenge.

Really? Can someone say “Who put me on the ballot?” Yes, the invitations said it was an elegant affair but I wasn’t expecting this! On Hollywood Boulevard, I walked on the stars, and these stars I knew personally. Right in the center were the handprints of the Honoree..Diva B!

Excellent! Marvelous! That’s when I knew. For everything I, you, we didn’t celebrate for some reason or another, this party made me realize that I was worth it! This event said remember to celebrate you!, because when you were born….the world inherited a Star! You are the Superstar of your Life series!

Celebrate YOU!
Chocolate Wedge

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

What do you do that is just for you?

I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day. She is going through a rough patch with her husband, whom she is currently separated from. One of the topics that we hit on was one of the “issues” they were having in their marriage.

She works a full time job along with being married and has custody of the kids. She manages to keep an immaculate house and keeps up with all of the kid’s homework and extracurricular activities. And she loves doing all of it. In all of this, she only has one vice…she collects dolls. Her husband is not fond of this and it has become a significant point of contention in their relationship. But it is the one thing that she does for herself that makes her happy.

I’m not sure if he’ll ever understand, but I certainly do. With so many responsibilities in life, do you have anything that you do just for you to make you happy? It could be something as simple as sipping your morning cup of coffee while watching the sun rise. Or it could be something less frequent like planning for a vacation that you’ll take.

Whatever it is, I hope that you have something that is all yours that brings you true happiness. When the day is rough and you need a pick-me-up, how wonderful it is to take a few moments and steal away to your thing that will instantly provide a lift to your spirit.

I wish you happy times!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Blessed or Tested

I am a Christian woman and one of the things that I struggle with is knowing when something is a blessing or if I am being tested. I seem to get in a lot of situations where I can never answer this question.

Case in point…I was coming out of the Post Office and as usual there was a man standing in the doorway asking for money for something to eat. As I answered him and continued walking, I happened to look down and couldn’t believe my eyes. There were several pieces of paper, which I soon realized was money, that were starting to separate and were about to start blowing down the sidewalk. I immediately stooped down and scooped up the money and the receipt that had been in the center of the bills.

So my question is…was this a blessing for me or was this God testing me?

When I counted the money, it was $100…the exact amount that I needed to pay a bill that I was about to postpone paying. Was this a blessing from God so that I could pay my bill?

Or was I being tested? Was I supposed to figure out a way to find out who the money belonged to? I could easily walk back into the Post Office and see if someone who had just come in had dropped the money. And if that didn’t work, I did have the receipt from where they had taken the money out of the ATM. Should I contact the bank and see what they could do?

What do you think? Was I being blessed or was I being tested?

Luv Ya!!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Love Yourself First - Part 2

A fellow blogger turned me on to Shanel Cooper-Sykes a young, beautiful, African American motivational speaker and certified life coach. She is all about empowering women and one of her You Tube videos is entitled “Self Love”. I listened and was immediately connected to her because she is speaking my truth!

If any of you have been following me you know that I am on a mission to love myself first. I’m determined because I know there is no way I can expect to fulfill my purpose in life without first loving myself inside and out. Listening to Shanel’s video blog was a confirmation that I’m on the right track. Take a listen for yourself and remember if you want someone else to truly love you then you must truly love yourself first!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KQGgUIYs-U

Stiletto
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR FUTURE

I often think when I hear people complaining about things at work, JUST STOP IT. Do you think that there is a whole lot to complain about during these economics times?

I guess it blows my mind because early in my life I learned, especially, when it came to jobs/career, I would not just settle. When I say settle, I mean stay somewhere I was unhappy. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed the opportunities that I have had throughout my life.

I wonder why these people stay. Is it because they are truly being treated so unfairly that they have to prove a point…not. Do they receive some pleasure of making others around them unhappy…maybe? Or it is possible they have no options because they have burned too many bridges to go anywhere else…think so.

Think about it. If you truly hated your environment whether professional or personal, you would get out. I believe that the majority would if it was a drain on your being. While I did enjoy places I have worked, there have been times I made a conscious choice to move on because of the vibes that I was surrounded by.

Did I learn from those places…sure. It contributed to the person I am today. When you find yourself being negative about your work environment, stop for a moment and think. Could it be worse, of course? Am I being totally truthful in my involvement in my own situation? If you honestly look into that mirror, most likely you would see that your actions and behaviors have is some way contributed to the environment you are in.

Lets look deep and examine. Let me know your thoughts.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life Real Talk Real Women

My Favorite Scents

Okay, next to walking into my mother’s house smelling Dressing, Greens, Sweet Potatoes and Ham….I love perfume. I am always interested in hearing what you sweet smelling ladies are using for man magnets.

My all time favorite right now is Flowerbomb by Viktor and Rolf. I like it because it lingers but isn’t loud. It has a very sweet, girly smell. It smells kind of classic.

Another favorite of mine is Amarige Mariage by Givenchy. My husband bought this for me a couple of years ago and makes a special request that I wear it when we go out. Who can argue with that!

What are your favorite scents? I’m always looking for something new to try.

Happy smells,

Clutch

Is this Live or Memorex

Thank you for tuning in!

Welcome to the first installment in the relationship series: Is this live or Memorex?

These are not true character names but are true life events.

Stacey and Carl

Stacey is a very independent woman. She has her own car, her own money, her own home, and the love of her life for the past five years, Carl.

Carl is a working man, drives a sports car, has a couple of children from previous relationships, and lives at home with his momma. But in his own words, “he loves him some Stacey”.

Stacey and Carl’s relationship is great and after five years Carl is contemplating marriage.

This is a big step for Stacey because once she says “I Do” she will instantly become a step mother. In the back of her mind she is wondering if she is truly up for the challenge; will she be able to cope with the Baby Momma Drama. Things have been cool between her and the children’s mom but she is almost positive that will change once they finally decide to marry.

Carl goes ring shopping with his friend and then waited for the right moment to pop the question. Stacey said yes and then the plans were underway.

Two years later, Stacey and Carl are now married and living happily ever after. At least so she thinks!

Now two years into the marriage, Stacey has cooked, cleaned, and done everything in between. The children have come to stay weekends and she has cared for them as if they were her own. Two years and six months later and Carl has really changed.

He is now working late all the time and wants to hang with his friends from around the way.

Stacey is frustrated because the time that they normally spend together was being spent somewhere else. Carl did not make her feel as though she were number one. He had the sudden need to be alone. This made Stacey feel as though he was cheating on her but she could not confirm her thoughts. She tried to talk to him; he would not communicate. She tried to seduce him; she was given the cold shoulder. She even let him see how hurt she was by crying and he had no sympathy.

One week Carl was scheduled to work out of town. Before he left, he told Stacey that his phone was not working properly because he had waste water on it that morning. When he had a moment, he would call her from a payphone. When Carl finally called, Stacey talked to him as long as she could. At the end of the call, she told him that she loved him and would see him soon.

That night, Stacey tossed and turned all night. She even had a dream that her husband was with another woman.

A few days later, Stacey was going about her day when the phone rang. She looked at the phone display and it said Carl. Her heart raced with excitement because she had not spoken with Carl for the last two days. As Stacey said hello into the receiver, she could hear background noise. Next she heard her husband’s voice.

He was talking, but not to her. On the other end of the line the man that she dated, married, and loved unconditionally for the last nine plus years was laughing and joking with ANOTHER WOMAN!! Not only that. It appears that there was also a small child with them. Stacey looked at the phone for a few moments as her heart pounded and tears rolled down her cheeks.

She could not believe that this was live, this had to be Memorex. In her head she is replaying the thought that Carl lost his phone, someone found it and is playing a trick on her.

Thirty minutes later, she could still hear Carl talking, then it hit her; this is definitely live. Her thoughts were confirmed but she did not want to believe it.

Right now Stacey is torn, not sure what to do, and is looking for advice.

Should she: (1) Confront him when he gets home? (2) Go tell his momma (3) Go tell her close girlfriends (4) Say nothing and hope for the best or (5) Pack up his stuff, leave it on the curb, and head to divorce court.


Word to the wise: There is always thunder before the storm. This gives you time to seek shelter. Think about it!


Next weeks installment: Oh no the hell he didn’t!


Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Be Grateful

Recently I had the pleasure to work with young adults that are physically and mentally challenged, coupled with other severities to challenge their mental ability.

You would think with these challenges to their lives, they would be despondent and flat in their nature and mannerisms. Instead, they were happy, entertaining and full of life.

They welcomed the company of our team and made it known that they could do just like anyone else, even with their mental capabilities. One client stated "it only takes me longer; but give some time and I will have it completed.” That child’s statement amazed me because we, the ones who are considered 'whole', are so ready to let others know how unfortunate we are in life, or how tough some things are to do, or how hard it is to be loved or to even say what there is to laugh about.

In another session, simple treats were introduced and offered to them. These young ladies and gentlemen’s first reaction was to see if their friends were also offered treats, and if there was enough for others to enjoy. This was so thoughtful and such a pleasure to see. Made me wonder when was the last time I saw this type of action? We have to remember to be grateful. We all take so much for granted. Sometimes not intentionally, but it still happens.

When was the last time you were grateful and let the simple things in life put a smile on your face?

Exotic Chocolate, Sling Back

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Give the Gift of Words

The Message translation of Proverbs 18:21 is so clear, it says Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose. This applies to words you speak to yourself, to others and to situations. Many of us have spoken death over ourselves, “I can’t do…”, “I’ll never have…”, “I’ll never be able to…”, and on, and on. We speak curses to others “You’re stupid…”, “They’ll never amount to anything.” We speak death about situations, “That’ll never change.” etc. I’ll admit it is difficult to change your speech. Especially when surrounded by so many naysayers and a lot of bad news. It also doesn’t help when we use negative words to describe something good. An example, saying, “You killed it!” when someone does something well.

Unfortunately, there are people who get a certain satisfaction from speaking death and they relish the outcome. Years ago I heard Iyanla Vanzant say that people want to be right. I didn’t understand then, but I do now. Some people LOVE being able to think or say to themselves, “See I knew I couldn’t.” The only thing missing is an exclamation of “I’m right!” There are possibly some other issues driving the use of negative words, but a good place to start to reverse the curses we have spoken is to begin to speak life.

Let’s speak life to ourselves, others and every situation. “I can do…”, “I have…”, “I am able…”! “My business is prospering in this economy!” “This health situation is turning around!” “That young person will be …!” “The hiring manager is calling me today!” You make it personal for yourself, those around you and your situations.

The Message translation of Ephesians 4:29 says, Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.


The Assistant Pastor at my church once challenged the congregation to behave as if everything that we said would come to pass for the next 24 hours. He said that doing so would cause you to be keenly aware of every word you spoke. For the next 24hours and the rest of our lives, let’s give the gift of words!

Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

A Thankful and Joyous Time

Happy Monday!

Yesterday, I taught Sunday school to small children ranging in ages 5 to 8. Our theme was the many Fruits of the Spirit and we particularly focused on Joy. Imagine all the answers when I asked the children to explain what brings them joy. Their answers ranged from God to Mommy to playing with siblings and even Lego’s. It was very refreshing and humbling to see things from the eyes of children.

I know that many people all over the world have been through a tumultuous time in the last 3 years and feel like they don’ have anything to be thankful for let alone finding joy in simple everyday things. Job losses, foreclosures have many individuals and families sitting on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop. Worry has engulfed the world.
In listening to the children, I realized we are coming on upon the season of Thanks, season of Giving and season of New Beginnings.

In particular, I am thankful for the health of my husband, daughter and family, for without good health, things can appear bleaker. I am thankful for being able to give simple things to my family and friends. I know that making brownies for my niece and nephews is a big hit and it brings them immense joy. As always, I am always trying to lose those last 10 pounds. This year I have gotten it down to 5 and I am going for the last five by the end of the year, as I realized food is not more important than me. So this year, my resolutions will be all about learning new things and not losing weight…..I am going to create my first crossword puzzle and post it on the internet, I am going to finally relearn Spanish and I am going to take a Yoga class. However, I will not be joining Facebook.

Please think about the small things that bring you joy or how you can bring joy to someone else. I know that it may not seem like there is a lot to be thankful about, but every morning we wake up is a good thing and we can strive to make our situations better. There may be someone else out there going through the same things and they may have the answer or a different solution to tackle your problem.

Let me know some small and simple things you are thankful for. What brings you joy. How do you give joy? Try to find 5 things per day that give you joy and/or are thankful for. List them down and review them at the end of the month. You will be amazed at your life.

Have a wonderful week and give thanks for being able to read…..That's one......

Peace and love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Finding My Roots

I went home to Boston over the weekend and I had an “Aha” moment. For years I have stated that I don’t feel like I have any roots or that I don’t really have a place that I call home. It’s because I have lived in a few different places in my life so far and I guess the concept of home began to blur after my third move.

It’s been five years since I’ve been back to the place I was born and raised. In that five years I’ve gone through a few transformations so this trip was over due and much needed even though it was just a weekend.

As I flew over Cape Code and looked out over the Atlantic I began to realize how much I have taken for granted about my home town. Boston, Massachusetts is a beautiful city that is full of culture, art and history. I walked around the entire weekend just reminiscing about my childhood; the good and the bad memories. I was able to take some time and reflect. My “Aha” moment was that I found my roots; I found the place that I can call home. The funny part is that it was in front of me all this time I just didn’t recognize it because I was expecting it to be wrapped up in a different package.

On this journey of learning how to love myself first I received an unexpected surprise, I managed to find my roots. I no longer have to think about where home is because I found it. There’s some security in knowing where home is.....and it may not necessarily be where you are currently residing. Think about it!

Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

HEAVY HEART

Good Morning Bloggers,

I have something on my mind and heart that I would like to speak about. I may be a little long but please bare with me.

I am very concerned with the issues of violence that are plaguing our youth in the last few months, especially what is hitting the areas in Chicago. I am so torn that I almost feel hopeless.

This is something that I have spoken about in depth with a male friend of mine. He seems to think that the generation of children between the age of 16 and 19 are a lost cause so we need to focus on the younger children. He termed it as generational population control. I agree with this to a point but I still have hope. I believe that as adults we really need to do something to take back our youth. We are losing them to a society that has given up on them, school systems that have failed them and adults who have thrown them away.

I don’t think that I have all the answers, but I do have some thoughts. It is quite possible that this population of children may become obsolete but we have to try.

Here are some of my thoughts on this:

· We need our men to step up and become leaders instead of followers. We need them to show our younger men that life is worth living. I am not just talking about biological fathers. Any “man” can fill in those gaps. Our children no longer fear death.
· We must tell our children the truth about life. Let them know that things are not always going to be perfect but you must make the best of what you have and honor what others have.
· Let them know that money doesn’t buy happiness only things and how you get those things determines your worth in society. If you chose to gain from others misfortune, you will never have pride or wealth in other aspects of your life.
· This is number one; honor the wisdom and knowledge of those before you.
· Parents, family and friends we have to listen to our children and be there for them. I know it can be challenging at times but we must remain courageous.
· We must teach our children that it is ok to have conflicts with others as long as we constructively address the issues. We are never going to all agree but we have to learn to be able to disagree and move on to the next day. Have beef with someone and wanting to take someone out only aids to the problems, it doesn’t solve them. It has effects that not only reach those involved but many families and entire communities.
· We must teach our girls to be young ladies and our boys to be gentlemen and have respect for others’ as well as themselves.

Please assist me in trying to reach as many of our youth as possible. We want a generation that we are able to say that they were loss but were found again. If we don’t reach back and pick up where others’ left off, our society will definitely be doomed.


Please talk to a child today.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life Real Talk Real Women

Time for a treat!

All of my friends know that I am a cake fiend! Cupcakes will definitely do when I can’t get a slice of cake! So imagine my excitement, when I happened across a recipe for a CupShake.

It’s a cupcake, milkshake!

I know, I know…it’s kind of indulgent. After all, we are all supposed to be eating healthier and watching our intake of “bad” things like carbs and fat. But, every now and then, a little treat won’t hurt, right?

Here’s the super simple recipe:

Cupcake Milkshake
- makes 1 milkshake -
By Cakespy; Inspired by CupShakes.

Ingredients:
1 cupcake (flavor of choice)
1 2-scoop ice cream cone (either sugar or wafer cones are fine)
1/4 cup heavy cream

Directions:
1. Place cupcake and ice cream cone in blender. Pour 1/4 cup heavy cream directly on top.
2. Blend until fully incorporated. If the shake is thicker than you'd like, add 1/4 cup more heavy cream and blend again, just until incorporated.
3. Serve immediately. If desired, garnish with whipped cream and sprinkles.
To read about the origins of this idea, check out the link to the original post on Serious Eats. There are also a few more pix there…just in case you need more convincing! (LOL!)

If now is not a good time for a sweet indulgence, save this until the time is right.

Enjoy!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

When the Fairy Tale is Over and Reality Kicks In

"I love you and I can't live without you, Marry Me"

"Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?" "I now pronounce you husband and wife." The crowd is filled with lots of cheers, tears, and for that still uncertain husband or wife, fears!

The relationship or honeymoon blossoms, fast forward a few months, a year, or a few years and then POOF!!!

You wake up one day and your beautiful chariot has turned into a pumpkin. Then you asked yourself, was this just a fairy tale or did reality just kick in?

Let's be honest, when we date or in marriage, we don't always show who we are right away. The true person reveals himself/herself over time.

Follow me over the next few weeks for my series on relationships.

This will be a collection of conversations that I have had with women, as well as, men who have given me insight on their experiences.

While the content is not meant to have you packing up and heading to divorce court. It affords me the opportunity to share stories that I have heard and maybe you can relate to as well.

Stay tuned next week for the first installment in the series:

Is this live or Memorex?


Mary Jane


Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

How Do I Repair a Broken Heart?

Everyone has a remedy...pray,(get a relationship with God), get a man, spend time alone, learn yourself...LOVE YOURSELF! Have a self-esteem party, get drunk, laugh, live...prepare yourself for the unexpected.

Really it’s an individual plan, for some it’s all of the above for others it’s one or two. But what I do know is that you can’t be true to Love and what it has to offer until the Heart is truly repaired.

Otherwise the cracks become holes and fill up with issues one cannot take into other relationships. Broken hearts have to truly mend before one can jump in Love again!



Chocolate Wedge
Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women

Hobo’s Question of the Day

How informed are you about your families medical history and did you know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Throughout the entire month of October, Hobo will play the role of the health “nagger” and remind everyone about the importance of not only being educated and informed about your own personal medical history, but the importance to know about your family’s medical history.
Statistics have indicated that:

From the years of 2001-2004, the reported incidents of breast cancer have decreased by as much as 3.5% per year.

In the year of 2008, in the U.S. alone approximately 182,460 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed.

In 2008, 40,480 women in the U.S. were expected to die from a diagnosis of breast cancer.

National levels have declined. However, for African –American women the rates of decline is slower and the death rate following a diagnosis has showed indications of an increase.

A women’s risk of breast cancer increases if she has a first-degree relative female who has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Statistics still continue to indicate that early detection is of the most importance. In 2008 approximately 2.5 million women in the U.S. survived a diagnosis of breast cancer.

So ladies, Hobo (A.K.A. health nagger) is asking all the ladies to remember the importance of taking the time out to know your family history, know your body, and most importantly take care of yourself. Also ladies during this month of awareness share your stories, information, and advice about the continued fight against Brest Cancer.

Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag
Real life, Real talk, Real women

Happy Monday!

Weekends are just not long enough… Our weekend went by too fast and I can’t really tell you what I did, as it went by in a blur. It was filled with going to kids’ activities, washing clothes, cooking dinner, going to Church and of course watching football.

Unfortunately, I don’t know that I did anything meaningful for anyone else or myself for that matter. I am sure my nephew appreciated me attending his football game, but I always want to have good intentions to be a mentor, do service and give back in some small way that makes a difference. I just don’t know how to fit it in.

I am looking for something challenging to do on the weekend that will help me give back to the community in some small way and doesn’t require a lot of time…

If anyone has something meaningful that they do or ways that they give back, please let me know.

Peace and Love,

Sandals

Are You Your Own Worst Critic?

Have you ever asked yourself that question? Well, many times we are and probably without even realizing it. I find that I sometimes can’t even take a compliment. I have to find some way to reduce it by providing a reason why what was said is not true! Are you kidding me???

Ladies, we work hard, we play hard, and might I add, we have survived so that’s worth celebrating and embracing. I’m sure we have all been through something, the key word here is through meaning we are now on the other side of that something. Hopefully, we have learned a thing or two along the way so as to not repeat that something again and again and again.

Yep, it’s me Stiletto trying to learn how to love myself first and not be my own worst critic. I recognize that I have certainly managed to survive a few things like a death of a parent, a divorce, a nasty car accident and several heartbreaks just to name a few. So why does this journey of loving myself first seem even more difficult then most of what I’ve been through already? Seems simple enough, logical even……but not so easy.

But I’m determined! I want to experience all that God has in store for me. If He loves me, and I know that He does, then I can love me. I can start by no longer criticizing myself and when someone gives me a compliment I can just say “thank you” and keep it moving.

Remember, you can’t expect someone else to love you if you don’t even love YOU. So let’s stop being our own worst critic and start becoming our biggest fan because we are so worth it!!

Stiletto

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Fall Fashion Trends 2009

As Autumn is settling in, I thought it might be fun to talk about some of the season’s most popular fashion trends. Of course trends range from extreme to very conservative, but I look for trends that apply to the common person more so than the extreme fashionista.

Overall, the trends are leading back to the 80’s…the bold styles, the big and chunky accessories, but only as a bit of a pop so choose your accessories carefully. Color is the new neutral. Not too much brown and black…the closest thing you’ll get to neutral is gray this season. Gray is very big this season. But the hot colors to use to make your outfits pop are burgundy, berry, dark green, and dark blue.

Lines are clean and simple. Proportions are important. Balance full tops with tight bottoms and vice-versa. And yes…it looks like those pesky shoulder pads are on their way back in. Find your classic pieces and then buy a few trendy modern pieces to update your wardrobe and make your look more modern.

There is a show called Mirror/Mirror on the Live Well Network that does a good job of covering trends for the everyday person. Here are two segments that I think you’ll enjoy:

Top 10 Fall Trends


Let’s talk shoes:


There are a ton of blogs and websites that can help you with shopping and trend watching…just hit Google or stop by any of the fashion magazine sites and get ready for the Autumn Season!!

You go fashionista!!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

The Dreaded Question

College, check….job, check….marriage, check. Whew! Now all of the expectations will finally stop! Not so fast. "When are you going to have a baby?" is the question that I hear over and over again. It’s a question that is very difficult for me to answer. Not because I do no want children, but because of the difficulty that I have experienced trying to conceive. Infertility is a personal issue, an emotional issue and a very complicated issue. There’s so much information out there, how on earth do you decipher between fact and fiction?


I consulted a fertility specialist over a year ago at the recommendation of a very good friend. It’s amazing what you will discover about others once you open up. I learned that I was not on my journey alone. She had experienced my pain, frustration and embarrassment. She’s my inspiration that all of the poking, prodding, and invasion into my sex life will eventually develop into me starting a family.


Although I have not been successful, I am very hopeful. I know that I am not the only woman out there travelling this journey. If you or any woman that you know is experiencing infertility issues, please offer your experiences, knowledge and support.
　
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women.
　
Clutch

The Grass is Always Greener…

Recently I found myself sitting amid a group of thirty and forty-something year old, successful in life, love and happiness women, sipping beverages and munching on snacks. After a pleasant evening of conversation, the subject inevitably turned to what I call “the grass is always greener”. Our particular subject was breasts. Those of us who were well endowed wished we were flatter (I believe one of the comments was wishing to be a negative A cup) and those of us who were flatter tried to argue the merits of being better endowed.

I found this conversation amusing because why is it that we always think the grass is always greener on the other side? As the more endowed tried to explain the benefits of being less endowed, and the less endowed tried to convince us that it’s better to be more endowed, no one’s opinion was swayed. Why is it so difficult to accept what we have and accept the word of others experience? We all trusted and respected each other and would take most any other type of advice without hesitation. But not for this. Don’t get me wrong, the discussion never got heated or anything, and none of us were ready to run out to get a reduction or implants. I just found it interesting that no one would budge on this subject. Of course the conversation concluded with each side sticking to their opinions and not believing the other side.

I think the grass always seems greener because we are always thinking that things could be better. It’s not that we are necessarily unhappy with what we have. It’s just that we think that different must be better. And while our conversation centered around breasts, this general theme runs the gamut…jobs, men (having and not having), kids (having them or not).

How often do you think the grass is greener on the other side? And do you, like we did, not take advantage of the experience of those on the other side who tell you that your side is just as green as theirs?

Just a thought!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Teal Talk, Real Women