Love Yourself First

I spent over an hour Sunday evening talking with a 19 year old beautiful young lady. Our conversation consisted of me doing most of the talking and her listening, I hope intently, because my message was important. She had received from her 20 year old boyfriend of three years, a voicemail that was far from sweet or kind. In this voicemail he called her the “C” word ten times! She was devastated, hurt, angry, and confused. However; what saddened me was that I could tell she was not sure if she could leave him. She was not convinced and felt that maybe she deserved this unequivocally deplorable, disrespectful, and unacceptable treatment.

So my heart went out to her because although I had just met her that evening, I felt a common thread because I too have gone through a very similar situation where it was painfully obvious that I had been disrespected and it was time to move on but instead I wavered, had second thoughts, began to second guess myself and ultimately went back just to find out it would only get worse. So I felt compelled to spend the time trying to convince her that she was worth more than how she had been treated. I told her that in most cases once the line of disrespect had been crossed then all future misunderstandings would probably start there and escalate. I explained to her that although she had been with him for three years that he still does not define or complete her. I continued to inundate her with statements like “you are a queen”, “you are special”, and “you are beautiful” trying to make her see that to stay would just allow him to continue to strip her self esteem away. I told her that I knew it would not be easy but that it could be done if she cut off all contact and surrounded herself with only true friends that are not there to take sides, but are there to support her with moving on.

Ladies, it is time for us to realize our self worth. It is time for us to begin to love ourselves first, raise our standards and no longer be afraid of being alone. This is not about blame, this is more about taking responsibility for the only thing we can control and change and that’s OURSELVES! One of my favorite sayings is, insanity is repeating the same act over and over again expecting each time to see a different result. What I’m suggesting is making a change within yourself so that you will begin to see your value.

The way to begin is by taking baby steps. Start by listing out all of the things you really want to change that are in your control from smallest to biggest. Do whatever you need to do to make a change with the smallest thing first and celebrate your victory. Continue with the process until you are able to change the big things. Remember it’s changing what you do or how you react because that’s the only thing you have control of. There’s another saying that goes “when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired" but why wait that long????? Let’s start now! I know some of you are in long term relationships or marriages with kids but let me tell you I’m a product of a marriage that didn’t work but my parents decided to stay together for the sake of the kids. What did that show me…..a very unhealthy relationship example and sometimes unfortunately you do grow up and without really thinking about it, imitate life! So don’t use children or length of time as an excuse. You are the only you you’ve got and life is precious with tomorrow not promised, so make a change. You’re not the only person going through something. We are made up of the same fiber and we experience very similar things. Make a change, LOVE YOURSELF First! Remember loving yourself is not selfish but self-help! So I don’t know what the beautiful 19 year old young lady decided to do but I pray that she decided to love herself first.

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women……
Stiletto