Top 5 Reasons I Am Deactivating My Facebook Account

Over the past year, while as a member of facebook, I’ve had the opportunity to reconnect with many people that I had lost touch with over the years. In this time, I have been painfully reminded of why I lost touch with them in the first place. Truth is, we have nothing in common but a graduating class in high school. I’ve also had a chance to see a side of some of my current acquaintances that reminds me why they have not graduated from the virtual “friend” zone to the real “friend” zone.

So, with these thoughts in mind, here are the top 5 reasons that I am deactivating my Facebook account:

1. Dear friend number 17, you and your girlfriend live together in the same house. Why do the two of you choose to argue via Facebook status updates? No one really cares and frankly, I am tired of my phone vibrating with each of the 29 daily verbal attacks that you make to one another. How about the two of you sit down at your kitchen table and have a private and adult conversation. Just a thought!
2. Dear Friend number 4, your married boyfriend’s wife is also on Facebook. Were you serious when you called to question how she found out about your “secret” relationship with him? I’m sure it was NOT the 3 page long verbal porn conversation the two of you had on Facebook.
3. Dear friend number 88, I realize that unemployment is at an all time high, but I’m sure you could probably get a job with “The Picture People”. Your photography skills are superb. How do I know this? Oh, just the 55 pictures that you take of yourself daily in your bedroom mirror. Just as info, please make the bed prior to taking photo number 56. It’s 3:00 PM and there’s no excuse for an unmade bed!
4. Dear friends number 35, 44 and 91, my relationship status clearly says married. Now that I think about it, so does yours. Yes, a date is out of the question.
5. Dear friend number 116, I have not helped you celebrate a birthday since age 13. While I realize that 35 is a monumental age, I will not be able to make it to the party. Sending an invitation every 4 hours will not change my mind. However, I am flattered that you thought of me along with your other 1,102 “friends”.

I realize that I could simply de-friend these friends, but I’m sure I can come up with many more reasons to do a full deactivation. It’s been a great ride, but I will gracefully exit stage right. Thanks for the memories!

Happy Friday,

Clutch

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