The Good Wife

I’ve been married for just over five years, and I can honestly say that it’s taken me that long to figure out how to be a “good wife”. I mastered being a good student early on in kindergarten and a good friend shortly thereafter. Being a good employee was easy, had that under control before high school ended and I even figured out how to be a good “girlfriend” around that same time. This wife stuff was different. My husband and I had lived together before marriage so I figured it would be easy to just fall into the wife role, the only difference would be a piece of paper, right? Wrong!

I had no idea what a healthy husband/wife relationship looked like. As much as I can credit my mother for being an outstanding role model, I never got to see her in the wife role. I had no blueprint to follow. My father had passed away when I was very young and my mother never re-married. I watched her be an amazing mother, sister, friend and business owner but never a wife. I have older siblings but none were married at that impressionable time in my life. I didn’t know what battles to fight and which to let go. I didn’t even know how to fight in a marriage. It was easy when we were dating, he left or I left and one of us got over it and things were back to normal. Marriage was different. I didn’t know how to walk that fine line between selfishness and independence. I never knew how important finances would become in a marriage. There was so much to learn! I am so blessed that my husband was just as ignorant about marriage as myself. We had a chance to learn together. More importantly, he is the most patient person that I have ever met so he never gave up on me.

I recently listened to a group of male friends speak about marriage. There was a consensus among them that the number one problem that they have with their mate is a lack of support. They went on to say that as men, they are expected to always be strong and walk tall. Once of the gentlemen made the statement that his strength is determined by the support that he gets from his mate. If she does not support him, he loses confidence and feels weak. But, if she does support him, he feels invincible and ready to conquer the world. He then went on to say that support from your mate trumps money, sex and even power. He talked about how having unconditional support from someone that loves you is almost orgasmic. Wow.

While I was very surprised by the conversation, it made me reflect on my own marriage. How many times had my lack of support weakened my husband’s confidence and ultimately our marriage? I couldn’t think of a single time that he didn’t support me, but could think of several when I didn’t support him. This is something that I continue to work on daily. I have vowed to support the men in my life….my husband, brothers, nephews, uncles and friends. Even when I may not totally agree, I will offer my advice but still support their decisions. I realize that without our support they can still do anything…. but with it, they can do everything!

Clutch.

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.