Happiness

Happiness - Are we born with it?

Some people are lucky to be born with a soul of brightness, a soul of smiles. They do not take the opportunity to fester on any negativity around them, or make people around them feel any type of doubt.

We should always encourage internal positive energy. Tell yourself you can, you will and then see what happens. You will feel healthy and more positive about yourself. Believe it or not like anything else, happiness takes work and the end result is priceless and fun.

Final thought, if it was possible to change everything to make your life happier, how would you live your life???



Exotic Chocolate, Sling Backs


Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women

Roseline

Just recently, I realized that somewhere along in my life, seeds against having children were sown in my heart. Maybe the seeds were sown growing up and hearing how kids “get on your nerves”. Or maybe it was sown when my cousin became pregnant at 14 and I saw how her life changed. Whatever the source, the seeds were sown, took root and grew into this tree that I didn’t even really know about. As a teen and in my 20’s, I recall saying and thinking that I didn’t want children. In my 30’s, motherhood and marriage was some vague feeling that I tucked away, given the father/husband prospects in my life at that time. Besides, I had a ton of “returnable” nieces and nephews so I was fine. With a tree I was not fully aware of firmly in place, I was ok about not having children. In my 40’s the Lord found me and saved me and I began to learn what His Word says. I learned who I am, what I can have and received all the love, protection, healing, deliverance, joy, prosperity and peace that I needed! During this time, for the first time in my life I learned that children are a gift from the Lord! (Psalm 127:3, NLT) The Word also says that every plant planted that the heavenly Father did not plant will be rooted out. (Matthew 15:13, KJV)

My “I don’t want no kids” tree was rooted out in Port au Prince, Haiti. I was recently there with an organization called Project Eden, on an inaugural trip to eradicate poverty in that nation. As the team waited in Miami for the flight to Port au Prince, each person met one-on-one with our leader, Deloris to tell her what we expected to get out of the trip. When my turn came, I told her that I wanted to use my gifts for administration and helps in whatever capacity needed. And then I began to cry as I told her about a dream that I had the day before. I dreamed that I was in Haiti at an orphanage and all these little girls surrounded me as I gave them candy. I told her that I just wanted to meet the girls at the orphanage that we planned to visit and hug them.

When we got to the orphanage on Day 6 of the trip, I met the girls. They didn’t surround me as they had in the dream, but a team member noticed that one in particular was following me around. She was adorable and I took a picture with her. I didn’t get her name but she stole my heart. I thought about her everyday and wondered what it would be like to be her mother. I even took it further and wondered what it would be like to have the whole package, this little girl AND a husband. I don’t recall ever feeling this way before.

I returned home with an open heart, a renewed mind, and determination. I asked around and researched and finally found the name of the organization that runs the orphanage. After a few emails and phone calls, I identified the little girl in the picture and became her sponsor. Her name is Roseline. I look forward to getting to know her. I’ll keep everyone posted. Now about this husband…..




Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Making a Family.....

One thing for certain, we all come from a man and a woman. Sometimes, we are blessed to have two parents, single parents, grandparents, siblings, etc to love us unconditionally. Other times, we are not so fortunate and the family you are born into can be detrimental to you.
For those times, I say that as hard as it may be, you have to cut them loose and go and build yourself a family. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you have to ask yourself, what do you get out of the relationship? You don’t have to reward negative behavior. If someone doesn’t treat you good, you don’t have to put up with it, just because they are family. Have positive relationships in your life that grow and nurture you on all levels.

In life some of the best families are made up of people you meet and collect along this journey called life. Although, I have a great family and hope that I am providing a great nuclear family component for our daughter. Along the way, I have been blessed to have built a “Village” that counts several amazing people as friends. We have Guncles (gay uncles) that are listed on our daughter’s emergency list at school. Our best friends are Jewish and they along with their family, treat our daughter as one of their own. She spends every Thursday night with them, so we can have date night. At one time, our daughter wanted to hyphenate her name to ours and theirs.

Most recently, I have welcomed two co-workers to my village as sisters. We have only known each other 6 months, but these are amazing women and we have so completely bonded through our shared and unshared life experiences that we are truly kindred spirits. This does not discount the rest of my village, but is rather a testament to being able to find people that love you, agree or disagree with you, but mainly just want the best for you. It can be through bloodline or not. Just build a village and family that support you in all of your endeavors. Get rid of those that just want to tear you down and foster a circle of negativity.

If anyone has built an amazing village, please write and tell me about it. I would love to hear how you have made your friends your family.

Peace and Love,

Sandals.

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Happy Anniversary

Good Morning Ladies,

I wanted to take today to celebrate the ladies of PPP on their two month anniversary in the world of blogs. This has been so much fun and an exciting journey.

We also would like to thank our followers and those that check in to see what we have to say. We look forward to continue to let you know what is on our minds and hearts. We would like to ask each of you to continue to view and share our blog with all your family and friends.

Continue to look for us and we promise not to disappoint. Some exciting new things are coming your way.

Much Love and Stay Safe

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

TAKING CARE OF SELF

On the eve of the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer “walk for the cure”, I have started to think about my health more. I have always been aware of my body, but I don’t do breast exams monthly as I should.

To my knowledge I have never been close to this disease before but recently it hit a little closer to home. A co-worker whom I communicate with but we do not have much day to day interaction confided in me that she has breast cancer. I only meet her about 6 months ago but I believe that she is a very genuine person and is having a rough time. I have offered many encouraging words to try and keep her in fight mode, because we as women are born fighters.

So I wanted to take this opportunity to do a couple of things. One is to share the need for you to be strong and supportive for the person that is faced with a life changing moment. The worst that we can do is to fall apart no matter how taken back we are. This is a time when our unselfish human nature takes over and we have to be the rock for the one in need. It doesn’t help the patient at all for them to become our support system. The focus must be on them to continue to fight and focus on recovery and that can’t happen if the energy is being wasted on us.

The second is to share with you on how to do a self exam if you are unaware or need a refresher. Here are the steps provided by the American Cancer Associations at this link http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_6x_How_to_perform_a_breast_self_exam_5.asp

How to examine your breasts

Lie down and place your right arm behind your head. The exam is done while lying down, not standing up. This is because when lying down the breast tissue spreads evenly over the chest wall and is as thin as possible, making it much easier to feel all the breast tissue.

Use the finger pads of the 3 middle fingers on your left hand to feel for lumps in the right breast. Use overlapping dime-sized circular motions of the finger pads to feel the breast tissue.

Use 3 different levels of pressure to feel all the breast tissue. Light pressure is needed to feel the tissue closest to the skin; medium pressure to feel a little deeper; and firm pressure to feel the tissue closest to the chest and ribs. A firm ridge in the lower curve of each breast is normal. If you're not sure how hard to press, talk with your doctor or nurse. Use each pressure level to feel the breast tissue before moving on to the next spot.

Move around the breast in an up and down pattern starting at an imaginary line drawn straight down your side from the underarm and moving across the breast to the middle of the chest bone (sternum or breastbone). Be sure to check the entire breast area going down until you feel only ribs and up to the neck or collar bone (clavicle).

There is some evidence to suggest that the up-and-down pattern (sometimes called the vertical pattern) is the most effective pattern for covering the entire breast, without missing any breast tissue.

Repeat the exam on your left breast, using the finger pads of the right hand.
While standing in front of a mirror with your hands pressing firmly down on your hips, look at your breasts for any changes of size, shape, contour, or dimpling, or redness or scaliness of the nipple or breast skin. (The pressing down on the hips position contracts the chest wall muscles and enhances any breast changes.)

Examine each underarm while sitting up or standing and with your arm only slightly raised so you can easily feel in this area. Raising your arm straight up tightens the tissue in this area and makes it harder to examine.

This procedure for doing breast self exam is different than in previous recommendations. These changes represent an extensive review of the medical literature and input from an expert advisory group. There is evidence that this position (lying down), area felt, pattern of coverage of the breast, and use of different amounts of pressure increase a woman's ability to find abnormal areas.
REMEMBER TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND BE STRONG FOR THOSE THAT NEED US.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Launch Out!

Similarly to other posts stating that everyone should break out of their shell. Or try something new. Or do that thing that you always wanted to do. Or even take the first step toward your purpose…etc. No song is more inspiring than Launch Out by Alvin Slaughter. Here are the lyrics and a video of a live recording. If you’re not familiar with this song, listen first, and then sing along until it is in your spirit. Then LAUNCH OUT!



Sometimes we hold on a little longer than we should.
Letting go can be hard, but it’s sometimes for our good.
The fear of what’s ahead sometimes makes us fall behind.
You can see the times are changing, but pretend that we’re so blind.
You never really know just what the future holds, but we know God holds us in His hand.
So now by faith, we must climb into the boat, and follow His command.

Launch out into the deep.
Let your faith take you somewhere, that you’ve never been before.
Launch out into the deep.
Let your faith make you fly, let your faith make you soar.
Launch out, launch out, into the deep.

It’s time to wake up, and make our dreams come true.
You see, time is always moving, and it will not wait for you.
The fear inside your mind can quench the fire in your heart.
Sometimes where you end is where God wants to start.
It’s never easy when you’re walking out by faith.
Everything seems so different and new.
But if we only learn to see through eyes of faith, we would see life in a different view.

Launch out into the deep.
Let your faith take you somewhere, that you’ve never been before.
Launch out into the deep.
Let your faith make you fly, let your faith make you soar.
Launch out, launch out.

Launch out.

So much for you awaiting, so stop procrastinating.
Close your eyes, just take a leap.

Launch out into the deep.
Let your faith take you somewhere, that you’ve never been before.
Launch out into the deep.
Let your faith make you fly, let your faith make you soar.
Launch out, launch out, into the deep.

Launch out into the deep.


Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

ODE to MUSIC

　
If music is the key to my soul, what songs would define me and how I feel?

Would it be the sweet sultry sounds of the late Phyllis Hyman or a throw back like Sugar Hill?

When I’m in music mode my alter ego can go from Tracy Chapman to Anita B.

When I get a song in my head and a hum on my lips there is no telling who I might be!

Just call me the chameleon

When I hear a song that I am feeling. And I can catch the melody.

I just close my eyes, catch the vibe, and settle into the melody.

The feeling of being lost. Without care, without cause in the melodic and hypnotic beats.

Grab a drink but don't drive, thank God that you are alive and pop in your favorite CD.
　
Music is one of the greatest gifts ever created. Keep it in our schools, keep it in our homes.
　

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women
　

SELF WORTH

Self Worth...how much do you have?

When did you last have to ask yourself that question?
Did it happen before or after someone made you feel like you were nothing, or did it happen when you were sitting on top of the world?

We as women must remember that no one can steal our joy, happiness or self worth because we do have the power of self.

When ever we feel doubt, just remember to look in the mirror and tell yourself 5 positive things you have accomplished.

Always be proud of you. Then others will have no choice but to recognize you for the worth you have and your value.

Finally, think of this.....

Aspire to Inspire, before you Xpire!!!!!!!!!


Exotic Chocolate
Sling Back

Real life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo's Question of the Day

I have a question that is directed mostly to all the single ladies out there. Are you depressed and do you think that you are discriminated against because you are single?
Recent articles in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior and the Chicago Sun-Times both reported on the statistics stating that singles are typically more depressed then married persons and that singles are more likely to report feeling discriminated against.

The Chicago Sun- Times reported:

•Nearly 96 million Americans 18 years old and older are single (never-married, divorced or widowed).

•There are more single-person households in the United States than married-couple households with children.

•34 percent of Asians, 39 percent of non-Hispanic Whites, 43 percent of Hispanics and 56 percent of African Americans in the United States are not married.

•1.6 million Single parents live with and have primary responsibility for their children. 9.8 million of these are single mothers (Source: Bella DePaulo, Council on Contemporary Families.)

The article continues on to indicate that non-married individuals receive less benefits such as discounted insurance, fares, and other benefits as married individuals. According to the Journal of Health and Social Behavior: Depressed individuals get more of a psychological boost from marriage than people who aren't depressed, even though depressed people tend to have poorer quality marriages.

A study conducted at Ohio State University (OSU) analyzed data on 3,066 single people, 55 years of age and younger, who took part in the U.S. National Survey of Families and Households. The OSU researchers identified people who married during a five-year follow-up period and asked them about the quality of their marriages and changes in their psychological health. The study indicated that, overall, participants who got married scored an average of about 3.5 points lower on a 12-item depression test (a score of 23 or higher indicated depression) than when they were single. Depressed participants who married scored an average 7.5 points lower on the depression test than depressed people who remained single. Non-depressed people who got married had a smaller average reduction on the test (Journal of Health and Social Behavior).

So my question: with all the statistics and research that indicate the negative aspects of the single life, is there anything wrong with being single and how does a single person learn to command the same amount of respect as their married counter parts from a society that continues to negatively label the single woman?

Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag
Real life, Real talk, Real women.

Legacy

Think about what your life and legacy means to the people you touch. How do you want to be perceived? One of my favorite books The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield talks about every interaction we have has an underlying purpose. It is our task to understand and learn from these meetings, chance encounters, relationships, friendships, etc.

Are you a role model to people in your life? Can people depend and/or come to you for advice? Do you ever think about mentoring the next generation, your friends, church members, co-workers, etc?

Most people think of a legacy as something dealing with monetary issues. However the true test of a legacy is what you leave behind. It can include money, but the lasting impact is the idea of reputation, respect and honesty. What have you done for someone else? Have you been of service to someone else?

The small things are feeding the homeless, volunteering at a shelter, mentoring our youth. Truly being of service. However, smaller still are the interactions you may have with your family, co-workers, church members. You may have inspired someone with kind words, unnoticed deeds, actions, etc.

Always think about what you want to leave behind and how you want people to remember you. Remember, Steve McNair was a brilliant football player, philanthropist, but his last memories will be tainted by the actions of someone he had an relationship with…..

Peace and Love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Are You a Flirty Girl?

There are so many elements of Chicago that I miss and I think it goes with out saying that I miss my friends however; I also really miss my gym, Flirty Girl Fitness.

Flirty Girl Fitness is a women’s only fitness center that is built around the concept of finding your inner diva and getting fit all at the same time. They have pole dancing, lap dancing, chair striptease and just a host of other classes. And let me tell you, if you hang around the place long enough you are sure to find that inner diva and you are sure to get fit. They have more than the “sexy” classes, they also offer a wide variety of hardcore, sweat dropping; can hardly walk when you are done workouts too.

And the atmosphere and ambiance is such that you feel like a queen all while you are having fun getting your fit on! I can remember spending 4-5 hours at the gym! Yes I know it sounds crazy but that’s how much I loved it. You can get your workout on, then get all glamed up with a manicure and pedicure while you sip on a martini and get ready for a night out with your girlfriends! That is my kind of gym!!

For all of you that are lucky enough to reside in Chicago you should check out a class. The membership is pricy but so worth it. But if a pricy membership is not in the budget treat yourself to a class for $25. I also suggest getting on their email list because they always have exciting specials and functions. Check out the website below. If you don’t call yourself one already you might soon be saying, “Yes, I’m a flirty girl!” I know I did!!

http://www.flirtygirlfitness.com/


Stiletto

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

BEING STILL

Have you ever just felt at your wits ends when life has given you some mighty blows? You feel like no help is in sight for you? You think that things can’t be any worse? I am sure that the majority of you have felt this way at some time in your lives if not currently. A relationship ends, someone close to you passes on, we have some financial setbacks and even the loss of ones self esteem can trigger anxiety.

In those times of sadness, we must remember that only the strong survive. I know that it can be difficult to be strong during those times, but you must dig deep and tap into the eternal strength. This is the essence that makes up the core of who you are. Life constantly has obstacles that can and will place your life in turmoil but just BE STILL.

Being still allows you to refocus on how to come out of the storm. This also allows something greater than self to manifest in your life. You may not see the results as quickly as you would like but everything happens the way it is suppose to. There are always reasons that you must go through the trial. Maybe you have been indecisive with life’s choices or haven’t prepared yourself for the greatness that you are meant to accomplish and need to be pulled back in order to get where you are to be. We think that things that happen to us are by chance...never. Just as we breathe air without sight of it, there are circumstances beyond our control that test our ability to handle challenges.

When you feel that all is lost, try being still for a moment and see how clear things can get. You may be surprised that you can go a round with Muhammad Ali and come up without scar.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Drama

Why are we all so fascinated with DRAMA?

Before you say, "I don’t do drama", let me stop you. Those are usually the ones that love drama the most. Being in Human Resources is like being a toilet bowl specifically for drama, everyone just drops it on you….all day long! Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. However, there are days when I just want to shake some adulthood into my employees. Then again, that may not help either. I mean seriously, it’s not 11 years olds who are keeping Jon and Kate and all of their drama in the tabloids. It’s us adults! I try to stay drama free but I admit, I love celebrity gossip just as much as the next one. I followed the Rihanna and Chris Brown saga. I wanted to know why Kim Kardashian got quit and I do not miss the Real Housewives of Atlanta under any circumstances….and they are full of drama!

Why do we love drama so much?

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Clutch

Business or Pleasure

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a Susan G. Komen (SGK) kick off party. While the event was nice, I noticed that there are a lot of business professionals that do not know how to have a good time.

As I buzzed past a table or two, the only subject that seemed to be flowing was work. Granted, this was an employee sponsored event. I just felt that it did not need to involve the day to day of being an employee. Think about it, in the last week we have had some real drama in the news that would go well as conversation over cocktails.

My take away (outside of the fact that SGK is an important and worthy cause), was that we need to learn how to stop mixing business with pleasure!!

Work life balance needs to make a serious comeback. The type of balance that teeters a little bit more to the side of life and less to the side of work. I am not saying that we should quit our jobs, protest or go cold turkey. I am just saying that we need to learn how to leave work in the workplace.

Technology has given us the infamous Blackberry, laptops, wireless services, and cell phones so that there is no excuse not to be “in the loop”. My question is, how many of us are “in the loop” with our families and friends in this manner?

The big “W’ has taken precedence over our vacation plans, parties, illness, children, spouses; the list can go on and on. It is the one habit that is hard to break and sadly enough, a twelve step program has not been created for it.

To get some of that balance back, start creating your own twelve step program. Here are some suggestions:

• Set an end time for the work day and stick to it. Put a reminder in your Outlook calendar so that you get a pop up.
• Engage in new activities (book clubs, gym memberships, dance classes, etc) that have start times so you have a reason to leave the office on time.
• Plan a work week outing with friends that you have not seen in a while.
• Turn off the Blackberry and cell phones no later than 7:00 pm.
• Stop talking about work once you leave for the day,
• If you go out after work with friends from the workplace, make a pact that whoever brings up work will have to pay the bill.
• Volunteer with family and friends

While it is true that some work conversation can’t always be avoided, at all cost, do not let those conversations consume you. Take the opportunity to salvage relationships with family, friends, children and spouses, at the same time you will be adding a few years to your life.

Step back, look at where you are, and see if these words describe you. Though it is okay to be driven, don’t let work drive you.

Analyze, realize, and conceptualize your life with a new balance; a life where work is in the passenger seat and you are behind the wheel.

Remember, you only have one life to live and time waits for no one.


Mary Jane
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Did You Know This?

Hi ladies, again glad we all seem to be well. I have a question for you; since this year is winding down, did you stick to that New Year's resolution? Yes remember the one we all made? This year I’m going to (fill in the blank). Well did you?

My New Year’s resolution was taking care of my body. I have something interesting to share that all my fruit lovers out there may already know. Did you know that fruit plays a vital role in detoxifying your system, gives energy, and can promote weight loss?

Example: Let’s say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so. In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.

So please eat fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals! You have heard people complaining; every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet etc. All of this can be avoided if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the other food and produces gas, hence you will bloat!

Here is the best thing…….Did you know you can go on a three day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!


Exotic Chocolate
Sling Back



Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo's Question of the Day

What do you do when life reminds you that life is full of unpredictability and how does one learn to accept the changes that time has chosen for you?

Recently I went to the doctor with some concerns that I was having about an irregular menstrual cycle and a couple of other symptoms. After a few test were conducted my doctor stated to me that she thinks that I might be pre-menopausal. My response was “I think I might be too young for that”, at 36 I believed that I had a little bit more time to have a child If I chose to. But after doing some research to prove my doctor wrong I discovered that some women can start to experience symptoms of menopause (pre-menopause) during their late thirties and these symptoms can last between a few months to up to 10 years ( a diagnosis of menopause is usually given when you go one full year without a period). Symptoms of pre-menopause can include:
Night sweats.
Fatigue.
Mood swings.
Difficulty sleeping.
And irregular periods.

I have to admit that until now I was never certain about having children and I am really not sure if I ever will be. However, I was very comfortable with the “Idea” that I could if I wanted to.

So my question is: how do I accept what seems to be the new path for me and deal with the reality, that sometimes in life the future that you pictured is not the one that is intended for you.
Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag
Real life, Real talk, Real women.

Happiness!

Happy Monday!

I am extremely happy when I am helping and serving others. The ability to give back is priceless and in this day and age, most everyone could use a hand. Whether volunteering, cooking a meal, planting a garden or spending time with people that are shut in, it gives me a great sense of peace and happiness. It has the ability to make you happy and the person/people you are helping, happy as well.

Most often when people are helped or served, they are most appreciative. Thoughtful little things go a long way in making someone else’s day. Paying a toll for the person behind you, cutting a neighbor’s yard, making meals at homeless shelters, mentoring disadvantaged children are small ways to make a difference.

My heart is very full this week, as I had a great weekend. A friend and I were very instrumental in planning and organizing a celebration for our Pastor at First Baptist Church of Oak Park. In African-American churches, this is an annual occurrence. However, our church is very diverse and doesn’t have the cultural traditions many of the African-American members have grown up with. Fortunately, our Pastor is a truly great and humble servant and we decided to honor his 30th year in Ministry.

We were so grateful and humble that we were able to surprise him, but more importantly we provided an incredible forum for people to show their appreciation for the Pastor, our Church and we made a lot of people happy. It takes so little to make me happy, but bringing a smile to someone else, really does it for me.....

It is always great to start the week off in a good mood.

Did anyone else have a great weekend? Please share.

Love and Peace,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

NAVY MOM

I am a first time Navy Mom and I have to tell you that it has been a very emotional two weeks. Not knowing how my son is doing and when I am going to hear from him. I keep thinking is he ok, is he miserable, is he homesick, is he getting enough food??????? Thank God for the internet because I have been able to find lots of information. The best thing that I found is a support website where Navy Moms from all over share a wealth of information that really has helped me. I found out when I can expect to hear from my son and how often, (not much during basic training). I found out all types of information that really has eased my mind quite a bit. So in the spirit of sharing I want to provide the following website for any of you that may be first time Navy Moms or know someone that you can share this with. http://www.navyformoms.com/

Stiletto

Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women

REFLECTION

Ladies Ladies Ladies…the summer has come and almost gone but we need to love ourselves as we are. I know that we all have flaws or imperfections, but that is what makes us who we are. If we were all meant to look alike than, there would be no need for brands like Covergirl, Clinque, Mary Kay or MAC.

Beauty is more than looking pretty on the outside, but the soul of a person on the inside. People are viewed day to day based on appearance. How often have you looked at a person that is different than yourself and actually viewed them on their character and spirit?

With so much going on in today’s society, I believe that if we view people based on their spirit things could be different. We all have seen someone on the street that by society’s standards appeared to be homeless or a bum. If we took the time to speak to one of them, we may realize that person is more like us than we think. Sometimes our fears of what others think of us cause us to pass judgment on ourselves and others.

I challenge each today to go out and speak with someone that you may not under normal circumstances hold a conversation with. You may find that person has some of the same fears and concerns as you. I just want to believe that we as a nation of people, that is so diverse can be so much deeper than we are. Most of us live day to day just existing.

Take me up on my challenge and reach out to a fellow being today, you might be surprised at what you get back in return.

Much LOVE

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Health Care Reform

I encourage you all to take some time to read/review the health care reform that has been proposed by our government. Outline it’s pros and con’s as it relates to you and your loved ones. Whether today, or in the future, this is something that will have an impact on all of us.

Copy and paste the link below for highlights on the proposal.

Please share your thoughts.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/issues/health_care/
　
　
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Clutch

Eyes of a Child

How I wish that I can go back in time
Where there was fun and laughter and smiles for miles
A time when I was more forgiving of all of life’s pain
When I can see sunshine in spite of the rain

All of life’s joys have turned to all of life’s toils
Trying so hard to reach a life time of goals
Oh! I would love to go back to those familiar times; looking at life through the eyes of a child

The eyes of children glisten with innocence
Feeling that everyone that they meet is heaven sent
Giving out kisses and hugs all the while
Looking at life through the eyes of a child

As I sit and reminisce on the times of the past
How the fun was non stop and all I did was laugh
But now that life has led me to a more serious path
More worries, more wonders and more drama than I can ask

If I could take a huge leap back in time
If only for a few minutes to clear my mind
To sit back and laugh when as a grown up I cry
Oh! How I would love to see life through the eyes of a child.


This is dedicated to a really great friend…Stay strong! Trouble don’t last always.

Mary Jane

Stepping out of the box

Ladies ever heard this statement before…… “She did what, ooh No she didn’t”? Ever known anyone that wanted to do something all their lives, but because of a stigma, or someone telling them how bad it may seem, or how society might frown on them, they never followed their heart? But one day, he/she did what their heart desired and turned up with what he/she always wanted. Do you recall your reaction or what the people around you commented?

I have an acquaintance that for some reason unknown to any of us, wanted her hair blue….yes you are reading this correctly, blue! So she dyed her hair blue and attended a function. Ladies she has been happily married now for 8 years. What would have happened if she did not step out of the box to follow her desires? She may not have met her husband. He saw the hair and was drawn to her because he wanted to ask her why she dyed her hair blue. Well one thing lead to another and now they are happily married.

Stepping out of the box is actually healthy for us; it does not have to be drastic, harmful or hurtful to self or others. It should be something that YOU, the individual desires to do, to better yourself, mood, and mind. Shake yourself up a bit, LIVE, venture out, be daring and love it. Being monotonous does nothing for anyone, why be bored with self?

So ladies, can you answer this question….what is it that you really want to do but have been afraid of stepping out of the box?


Exotic Chocolate Sling Back

poz-i-TIV-i-tee

According to dictionary.com, the definition of positivity is “the state or character of being positive: a positivity that accepts the world as it is”. How cool is that? Positivity is just being positive.

But what is positive? According to the same website, positive is simply “emphasizing what is laudable, hopeful, or to the good”.

When the group of us first got together to create this blog, one of the first things that was said was that we wanted to be a positive force. Are we succeeding?

In just over a month since we started, we’ve touched on some very difficult topics, but in each and every post, we try to make sure that you leave with a positive feeling. We want people to be constantly aware that you can change things and be positive too!

We also hope that the positivity carries over to every moment of your life. Negativity is over-rated! Put a positive spin on it…no matter what “it” is. If someone is giving you a hard time, instead of becoming defensive, try to turn it around to a positive. You would be surprised to see how far a smile and a positive comment can go.

Be positive!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Girlfriends You Should Meet and Have in Your Life!

If you are fortunate enough to have sisters, count yourself lucky. Although they can be a blessing and a curse at times, they are still blood relatives and share similar history with you. However, if not, don’t fret. I have discovered that just like the friends in Sex and the City, there are three to four friends that you need in your life.

Luckily, I have been privileged to find these women and I have been forever changed by their input in my life over the last 20 years.

Sister/Got Your Back Girlfriend – A girlfriend who has been with you through thick and thin, shared your highs, lows, joys and pains. Conversation is always a two way street and you get the advice you need, whether you want to hear it or not. She is direct and able to cut through the craziness in your life. More importantly, no matter where you are in life or location, you are able to reconnect like it was yesterday. She is most like a blood sister that I would have wished my parents had. Thanks for letting our paths cross.

Mommy Friend – This girlfriend knows your joys and struggles with raising children. Most importantly, this friend loves your child unconditionally and could step in to raise your child should something happen to you. I have two Mommy Girlfriends and I am truly blessed to have them in my life. When I leave my daughter with them, I am able to walk away and not look back and know that my child is completely as safe as if she were with me.

Total Opposite Girlfriend – This girlfriend is so different from you, yet you totally mesh. Although you may see the world differently, you are able to see things from an alternative perspective. I have found that this keeps me grounded and helps me to see how I can tighten up things, change things or lighten up. She makes me do and try things I would never consider.

Big Girl Girlfriend – This girlfriend knows you before the husband and baby. When you are together, you are able to share the best glasses of wine in the world and the most sinful desserts. This is a reprieve from my every day life, as we laugh hysterically, cry buckets and talk about every single thing, whether important or inane.

The Go-To Girlfriend – This girlfriend has all the answers that you need. She knows everything and can talk you off the fence. When you think you are not the best at anything, she is the voice of reason. Able to reassure and not be judgmental and can admit her flaws as well. She never makes you feel like a loser, rather like the best person in the world.

It doesn’t matter how many girlfriends you have, it is the quality of the girlfriend. Remember no negative or long suffering friends. Only friends that bring you up and bring you joy.

Can anyone add to this list? Do you have girlfriends that you can’t live without? Let us know, as we would love to add them to the list.

Happy Holiday! Don’t labor too much, enjoy the day!

Peace and Love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Self-Reflection

Self-reflection…..to self examine or to mediate on self. Hmmmm, this is a very interesting term to me because at first glance it could sound narcissistic. Why does one need to spend time thinking about self? When the reality is it’s a vital part to this journey that each of us is on.

For me self-reflection is a re-adjustment process that I go through to see what areas in my life are on the right track and what areas need to be tweaked a bit. It’s not a time of self hate or self pity. It’s not a time where I reminisce or wish that I could have done things differently. I used to do that and it really is counterproductive. What’s done is done, so no since in having regrets or beating yourself up. Learn from it and move on.

I have entered into a time in my life where I no longer want to sweat the small stuff because in the grand plan those small things really aren’t important. I don’t want to run around and point blame anymore. Instead I want to hold myself accountable to any role that I have played. These are a couple of things that I have discovered about myself during self-reflection.

I admit that I don’t always have that Oprah “Ah-ha” moment but I do surface with a refreshed outlook on life in general. Examining past experiences and understanding what worked and what didn’t, can help you make better decisions on your journey. Better decisions can lead to future triumphs!

Stiletto,

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

BUSINESS BEHAVIORS

While working in an office setting most of my working life, I have come to realize that most take for granted some of the relaxed environments we now work in today. I recall a time when you needed to be on time for work and breaks, had to call your boss when you were arriving late and had to schedule vacations at least two weeks in advance.

Maybe it could be my current environment, but I notice that people seem to think that working is a right even in today’s economy. I witness behaviors that I believe should not go on. I do have some latitude for correcting this behavior but there is so much red tape that goes along with it that sometimes it is not worth the hassle. I understand that management styles have changed over the years with the Lean and Six Sigma processes, but some of the things that I witness employees doing is crazy.

When did it become alright to come to work nearly two hours after the start of your shift and never advise your boss that your were going to be late? Then, when you are questioned you give a response as you forgot or you didn’t think it would be a problem because you were not making up time.

There are so many people needing and wanting to work right now you would think that people would be more on top of their game. Maybe these people actually don’t want to work and are working to say that have somewhere to go?

I understand there are life circumstances that come up and they require your immediate attention, but we should also be mindful of the work you leave behind. Not just for your employer but for those that have to pick up what you leave behind. In my experience, especially with most of the thirty something employees, they think that you should be grateful that they even come to work. I had an employee email once to express issue because I wouldn’t allow her to leave early and make up her time the following day. This employee didn’t take into account that I had allowed it in the past and she never lived up to her end of the bargain or would tell me she would do X Y and Z never followed through. When I wouldn’t allow her to have what she wanted, she decided to email my boss and myself and pat herself on the back for coming to work in snow storms and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t allow it.

Now correct me if I am wrong, but I am expected to get to work even in a snow storm why not her. Craziness!

I said all of that to say that as bosses and employees we should think about the impact we have on our peers when we neglect our work and leave it in the laps of others to clean up when we decide we don’t want to do something. Just keep that as a thought when you think about leaving work that you know you should be doing just because you know someone else will do it if you don't.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, real Talk, Real Women

Whitney's Comeback

Okay, so the buzz the last few days has been about Whitney Houston and her "comeback" to music. It’s been seven years since her last album and we are all aware of many of the struggles that she has faced during her hiatus from singing. I watched her Good Morning America appearance online once I got home from work. While I was excited that she sounded pretty good, and looked good….I was more excited that she seemed to feel good. She gave praise and thanks over and over to the ONE who truly brought her through her struggles. At one point, she made the comment that she wasn’t sure that she was going to make it through. Tears started to fall from my eyes. Not because her struggle was any different than the ones that we face, or that our loved ones face, but because at that point I saw the human side of her. It was that side that no amount of make-up, money, fame or fortune can deny. It made me sad for making numerous jokes about the "crack is whack" and "show me a receipt" ordeal. I almost wanted to hug her and tell her that it would be okay. This is the woman who sang the National Anthem so well that it took up residence on top ten R&B countdowns all over the nation. This is a woman that made the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack one of my all time favorite CD’s. I pray for the success of her new album but more importantly for the continued healing of her soul. The backlash that this woman is about to face is gonna take strength and lots of prayer.

Did you see her performance on GMA? What did you think? Is she back?

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.

Clutch

Raising children after the divorce

Hummm…nope most newlyweds never would imagine there would come a day when they wouldn’t be together. The differences that use to attract you to your mate now make you scream! The beautiful children you’ve brought in this world now have to be parented from different houses; or can we come together as one, for the sake of the children?

I struggle with this difficult decision now! I pray for divine intervention, because I know there has to be strength with the master.

Everyone will agree raising a teenager is no easy feat; so to add parental tension only increases the potential for hasty decisions by the non-custodial parent. Minor situations get blown out of proportion and major issues become a cyclone of emotions for all parties involved. As the custodial parent, all you want is to ensure that you produce a healthy, moralistic, intelligent individual. All-the-while, you wonder how the non-custodial parent lost the “Parental Map” you designed while you were together.

How did C’s on a report move to the “It doesn’t matter list” when we saw that our offspring had the potential of excelling in all course curriculums? It was evident that A’s and B’s were attainable, especially when the child completed the assigned work and turns it in.

How did detention move to “It’s ok, because it’s your first one”? Although this is your first detention, this behavior is inexcusable and will not be accepted. Did I step off of the planet and end up on Mars because now we are divorced? Although we could not find a balance in the marriage, can we be on one accord for the child and not send mixed messages for the duration of this raising period?

Can someone answer this question: Is it possible to raise our child on one accord, or do I have to tell my child the non-custodial parent is a jerk and please do not follow any of their advice until after we (custodial parent & child) have discussed the matter at hand first?

Chocolate Wedge

A Poem To Us Women - A male perspective

As I looked at her and her action
I went to askin’
Why would he or anyone want to hurt her
Why would he or anyone desert her
When by nature she was made for him
And that’s grim in the eyes of the most beneficent creature on this earth
So since he doesn’t know her worth
God gives her His wisdom of mothering nature
So that His greatest creation starts to hate her
Starts to debate with her pertaining to what “he” should and should not do
Strikes her across the face, places her sense of value in the dirt
Not knowing when a seed grows from being placed in darkness
It manifests all you have attempted to squirt
Sparkles you have become while she starts on her shine
McDonald’s is where you eat while at Heavens Table is where she dines
Fine she done got, Myla, Radley, Seville Row she now rocks
Ferragamo, Manolo Blahnik is how she now stops traffic
While you are still attracted to MCM and Fubu addicts
It’s a travesty that she has more than one Masters Degree
And you are in your prime and still ain’t got your G.E.D.
She paid your child support fees, provided for the apartment y'all once shared
And you had the audacity to think and act like she didn’t care
You should be the poster child for stupid, for believing in that lil naked-ass cupid
And not doing what God ordained for you to do, for your given love
Now she’s above and beyond any of your wildest expectations
Traveling to native places you cannot even pronounce,
Speaking in forums where you couldn’t even be the grout in the john
You denounced her beauty and won now you’re stunned that Princes are suitors
From Morocco to Djibouti, they want your X “cutie”
And when she comes home, no one thinks she’s snooty
Looking so-so good her outlook on things is that of the Wisdom God gave to her
And the people find a favor in her that surpasses all the venom you’ve spewed
So until you get yourself together dude and release yourself of that heavenly facade
She will be steadily moving giving thanks to you for your negative dissertation
Which pushed her to be that Woman of God


Exotic Chocolate, Sling Back

A dedication from a friend


Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo's Reminder of the Day

It is never too late to do something you always wanted to do. Not long ago I was speaking with a medical student who was completing a rotation where I work. I asked her what finally led her to decide to become a doctor. She shared with me that when she was younger women in her family were encouraged to get married and have a family, so she did that. She also decided that she wanted to work and become a doctor. However, she was encouraged to be a nurse, so she did that and became a nurse practitioner. She also wanted me to know that she loved being a mother and a nurse, but now that her children are grown and have children of their own. It was now time for her to look more into completing the last goal she had set for herself and that was to become a doctor. What I found most impressive about her story is that she was 62 years old. She also told me "Never tell yourself that it is to late. It is only too late when you're dead".

So, whatever goal or dream you may have tucked away in the "can't do" or "maybe later" box. Pull it out and reevaluate, plan, and complete that dream or goal, because it is never too late to grow, educate yourself, or just make yourself happy.

Hobo Bag,
Real talk, Real life, Real women