Are you in a manipulative relationship?

So, I was going about my normal routine one morning, which is checking my email. I have a yahoo account so yahoo is my default page when I log in. I was intrigued by the cover page this particular day.....”5 Behaviors of Manipulative People”. So I continued on knowing that my last two relationships for sure would some how be spelled out in these 5 behaviors......and guess what.......they were.

I know what manipulation is and I know the signs because I have been involved with manipulators but I unfortunately didn’t heed the red flags. After reading the article I truly felt compelled to share because in the journey of loving yourself first you must acknowledge the red flags! Now I’m not trying to break anyone up, but I really want you to examine the relationships you have, male and female, and decide if they are beneficial to you. If they aren’t maybe it's time to let them go.

Below is the article by Brett Blumenthal. It is okay if you don’t agree with the points that are mentioned in this article but I hope that you will at least read and ponder these thoughts.....are you currently in a manipulative relationship? If so, is it time to get out?

5 Behaviors of Manipulative People by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance

Many of us like to think the best of people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want....including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.

Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.

Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want. Oye! What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.

Selective Memory: This one gets me the most. You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan. Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.

Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation.

Remember, love yourself first!

Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

PPP's Tip of the Week

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Life’s Unfortunate Events

Last week was a really tough week. Two friends that I went to high school with passed away just days apart from one another.

The first friend passed away at the age of 32 years. He was a very prominent news anchor in Atlanta. We had gone to school together since the 8th grade. I must admit that of all of my former classmates, he would be one of the least likely that I would expect to receive this type of news about. He had gone to Africa over the Christmas holiday, came home and fell ill and never recovered. His funeral was like the high school reunion that we never had. As much as I have avoided my high school classmates, I have to be honest in saying that it was a pleasure to see most of them without having to answer the “what are you doing now” question. Most of us were preoccupied with celebrating the life of our high school class president that had in some way inspired us all. The last time I spoke to him, we joked about how he had failed in his duties to plan our 10 year high school reunion. At the end, he reunited the class of 95 after all.

The second friend also passed away at the age of 32 years. She passed away after a battle with cancer. The last time I had seen her we were at the polls voting. We spoke briefly while in line but didn’t have a chance for an extended conversation. I remember thinking to myself that she didn’t look like her gorgeous self. She was wearing a wig and appeared very thin. Instead of sincerely asking “how are you?” I just brushed it off and kept on going with my day. I really wished that I had asked. She may have told me and then again maybe not. Either way, at least she would have known that I was concerned.

I tell of these passings to remind us all that life is short. It is important to live everyday to its fullest. We must remember to love hard and laugh often.

Happy Friday!

Clutch

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women.

I’m Too Busy

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say they are too busy to do something. Anytime I hear someone say how busy they are, I cringe and pray that I am able to keep my mouth shut. But here on this blog, I can express my thoughts and hopefully get people to understand my way of thinking.

Yes, we are all busy in some way, shape or form. And while we like to think that no one is as busy as we are, we all have things going on and are busy. Just because you have different types of busy than me (you have kids and I don’t or you have to travel for work and I don’t) doesn’t mean that I am any less busy than you are.

In spite of all of this busy…if a friend calls and needs you for something, you find a way. If someone gets sick, you find a way to help. If someone has an extra ticket to the theatre, you find a way to go. In other words, despite being busy, you do any and everything that you really want to do.

My hope is that people stop hiding behind “busy” and just stand up and just say NO! There is nothing wrong with saying that you don’t want to do something…that’s your prerogative. Tell me that you don’t want to take the time to do something, or tell me that what I’m asking is not important enough to you for you to rearrange your schedule to do it. But please---don’t tell me you are too busy.

Any thoughts? Or are you too busy? (LOL…I couldn’t resist)

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Who is looking for you?

Everyone is really computer literate now a days....even our Grannies have laptops and a Facebook page, but are computers stealing away the privacy of our lives? Questions for all you Twitter, and Online Chat people: Are you giving out information that you want BILLIONS to know? Not only should you be aware of what you say on these websites, but what about the websites that show EXACTLY where you live on a map, or list your current and past residents and the people whom have stayed with you.

Just recently a co-worker was asked by her friend to find out who this young lady was that was calling her husband. First let me say my career isn't in the ARMED PROTECTION SERVICES......I'm a teacher, so this information is out there for anyone, to view. I was amazed, overwhelmed, terrified, astonished and a list of other adjectives that follow under WHAT in the Hell? Now, I'm no computer whiz nor am I computer illiterate but I never knew that there were websites that any Joe Blow or in this case Jane Nosey can put in my name and come up with my residence...did I say EVERY PLACE I'VE LIVED FOR THE LAST 26 YEARS!!!!!!!!! WHAT in the Hell?

Now don't get me wrong I know that websites like these should be used for the moralistic, lost, abandoned, adopted, displaced people, but is it? Yes, I understand that you and your best friend from grammar school were separated and now you are turning 40 years of age and want to know what happened to....Joy Lucky....so go to this website put in Joy Lucky and there you have her....two blocks from you in Matteson....in fact you have her complete address 2010 Luckyfind Road, Matteson, Il. 60443. There you find not only her address, but her telephone number 708-FINDME2, and the names of her spouse and children.

This is when I say look, this is too much information, and access to the computer can turn someone's world into a sea of happiness or sheer disaster! Because, of course my co-worker and her friend aren't getting ready to pay MS. I GOT YOUR HUSBAND'S NUMBER a friendly visit!

So people this is what I have to say...make sure you know what's going on in the land of COMMUNICATION... BECAUSE all suprises aren't the best...especially if you aren't on the up and up!

Ms. Chocolate Wedge

Say It Then Really Do It

Many of us love to help. We love to offer assistance or expertise. We love to share our hook-up. The only problem is when we only say, and fail to actually do. For example, you and a friend are riding along in your car and the friend tells you how much they love the music playing. You let them know that you burned the CD yourself and will be happy to make them a copy. One week goes by, then two, and then months go by. You forget all about the promise. You meant no harm. You just got busy. How about the committee at your child’s school that you volunteered for….and then the planning meeting that you didn’t go to? You meant no harm. You were double booked. And when Auntie Lou wants you to run her to Sears next weekend you say, “Ok Auntie, I got you.” Three weekends later you have to explain to your mama how you meant no harm, you simply forgot. Unfortunately, this type of behavior goes on all the time. Some of us, including me, do this more often than we care to admit. It doesn’t seem to be a big deal, after all, you’re busy, or it slipped your mind, or your schedule is so full. You intended to do it, right? You meant no harm. But what about the promises made that someone was really counting on? What about integrity, keeping our word? This includes saying that you will do something.

I gave this a lot of thought recently because in early 2009, I made a conscious effort to not say I was going to do something if I had even the slightest thought that I might not be able to follow through. There were times when I really had to fight the urge to say I would do, join, or buy something. I stood strong because I had concluded that all those broken promises great and small were essentially lies, and I wanted no part of them. I thought about how disappointed I was when someone promised me something and didn’t follow through. I never asked again, because I figured maybe they had changed their minds and I didn’t want to be rude. I’ve recently even been disappointed with friends or relatives who are experts and have offered their services, but have yet to follow through. I really didn’t want the service for free, I’m willing to pay but they refused, “I got you!” they exclaimed. Unfortunately, it is on their timetable, not mine. I’m pretty sure that in the latter part of 2009 I began to slip up again by making a few empty promises that I meant to do.

So here I sit waiting for some services, and also concluding that I won’t be getting some of the things that friends offered, and knowing that I have broken promises out in the atmosphere. And it makes me sad. So to everyone that I know who I have promised some information, service, or thing, I apologize. I am even giving you permission to “remind” me that I promised you something. I will follow through. Feel free to join me in making the entire year of 2010 the year where we are going to say it and then really do it!

Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Lifestyle Change 2010

I know that this is the month we all finally strive to get back in shape after the holidays and that there are a plethora of tips, gym offers, diets and marketing promos that inundate our emails, mailboxes, etc. That we will actually start out like gangbusters going to the gym and then around February, we start trickling out. I have done this several times.

So, last year, I decided to not make another resolution about diet and weight, but to just “get it done”. Make a complete lifestyle change. I have been talking about losing the proverbial “baby weight” for years. Well, my daughter just turned 11 and is not a baby anymore. Also, I have been anemic for years and my doctor is talking possible surgery for a hysterectomy.

So, last November, I started slow and have lost about 11 pounds to date. Yea me! It was hard but is now very rewarding to see how 11 pounds can make a difference in your life and it is such a confidence builder. I wanted to share one magazine that really helped me get over the hump and that I actually enjoyed reading cover to cover. The routines were hard (I won't lie) and the advice was very practical and reasonable for a busy, working woman. But, the proverbial saying, no pain, no gain. The magazine is Women’s Health and costs about $.99 cents an issue via subscription (newsstand price $4.99). The online support for Women’s health http://www.womenshealthmag.com is packed full of useful and easy to use ideas to kick start a new fitness routine, healthy eating routine or just offer maintenance ideas for the seasoned athlete, as well as, informing us on the latest trends, gadgets, etc. The recipes have been amazing, simple and quick to make. I always wanted to be a better runner and the step by step, 12 week program on the treadmill really helped the pounds come off.

Now, I am not looking to be a skinny, mini chick. Rather, I am looking to be stronger, definitely healthier, more confident in my stance and sexier for my husband…..

Check out the magazine on the newsstand or visit the website and see if you like what you see.

Also, let me know if you have any fitness tips that helped you stay on track, any favorite food substitutes. I finally realized that this has to be a complete life style change and not a diet. So, 2010 is the year of change for me and no excuses, no late night eating with my hubby and no finishing my daughter's plate and a complete overhaul of my sweet tooth.

Let me know and I will let you know as the last 15 pounds come off before my birthday in May.

Peace and Love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Patience

Is it just me or has anyone else been feeling the older you get the less patience you have? I remember growing up and being impatient for certain things, like Christmas and opening presents or for my birthday. But this is different.....I’m finding that I just have less tolerance for a lot of things and a lot of people.

I guess in some ways its good because after a certain amount of time on this earth there are just some things you shouldn’t put up with.....but how do you walk that fine line of loving your neighbor and just not wanting to be bothered?

The interesting thing is when I started this journey of learning how to love me, I have actually uncovered many qualities in my personality that could use a face lift. Let me tell ya, looking yourself in the mirror and admitting that you have quite a few defects is not always easy breezy!

But what I am also finally understanding is that I’m a work in progress. I’ve always heard that and obviously we know none of us are perfect beings. I think though, sometimes, deep down inside, we all occasionally think that we are. Nothing wrong with that but the reality is we aren’t.

I wish I could wear a tee-shirt or a sign that reads UNDER CONSTRUCTION to remind people that I’m still being worked on. I wish I could see that same sign on everyone else so that I might remember we are all a work in progress. If I can just remember this, maybe I can conjure up a little more patience when dealing with others. Maybe we all can.....

Stiletto
Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women

PPP's Tip of the Week

Just hearing the words "tax time" can send some folks into a frenzy trying to locate all the necessary paperwork. This week's tip may not help you for this tax season but if you start now it may be very helpful for next year!

Tax tip of the week courtesy of About.com

Keep Good Records

If you don't keep good records, you're probably not claiming all your allowable income tax deductions and credits. Set up a system now and use it all year. It's much easier than scrambling to find everything at tax time, only to miss items that might have saved you money.

Pumps, Purses, & Positivity

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Do you Etsy?

I have been a rather artsy-crafty type person for my entire life, but never thought to do anything with my skills. That is until recently. After several failed corporate career path attempts, I have become very frustrated and want to start my own business. But what to do, what to do? Well, I’ve always loved greeting cards and have always been good making things with paper, so my idea is to join the two. And how will I get my products to consumers? I am in the process of starting an on-line “store” on Etsy.com.

Etsy (www.etsy.com) is known as your place to buy and sell all things handmade. As a buyer, you are free to peruse the listings as much as you want. The site is set up so that you can search in any number of ways…general word search based on tags or descriptions, general category searches, by geography, as well as other unique ways to search such as by color, or you can search by something called Pounce which means that it brings up items from shops that just sold something else. On the Etsy home page, if you scroll down toward the bottom you’ll find a section titled Recently Listed Items which is a scrolling stream of items that have just been listed. It’s cool because you get to see all different types of things---things you’d probably never even think of to search for (looking for aqua spider mum batik fabric? Someone just listed some). Once you do find something that you’d like to buy (and if you like handmade things, you will), you do have to register on the site, but it’s a free and painless process.

In order to sell things on Etsy, you have to register as a seller (also free and painless), read a few documents on terms and conditions, list your items and wait for them to sell. Ahhhh…but the likelihood of your item just selling isn’t that great and Etsy has thought of that too. They have various groups and communities of experienced sellers set up where novice sellers can get advice and learn tried and tested tips and secrets of success. There are also newsletters to offer advice.

Etsy is better than Ebay, in my opinion, because first of all it is tailored to a specific customer---those who seek handmade items. From a selling point of view, it is also much cheaper than Ebay. It costs just 20¢ to list an item for 4 months. And when your item sells, there is a small transaction fee that you have to pay. The rest of the money is yours to keep.

A lot of Etsy sellers make a very decent 2nd income from using their talents and selling items. There are also a lot of sellers who dedicate the time and energy to their shops to generate full time incomes. I hope to fall somewhere in the middle.

So whether you are a shopper or are looking to generate some income, if you haven’t already, you may want to check out Etsy. You might even find a cute, funky handbag! I just did…off to buy it! (smile!)

Purse by Arrowsarah

Luv Ya!!
A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

A DREAM deferred does not mean a DREAM denied.

Keep DREAMING until you stop breathing!

Be Inspired

Mary Jane
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

OMG - Can We Stop and Smell the Roses !!!!!!

Why do we hasten and rush everything we do? Why does it seem like we do not stop to appreciate the effort of nature and what was given to us by all things natural.

We rush holidays, we rush situations, we rush relationships, we rush to judge others. Recently has anyone seen the news about parents giving their kids growth pills, to speed up and enhance their growth?

Earlier this month I walked in a store to pick up an item, and what do I see, Valentine’s Day items, yes , they are already out.
I have nothing against this day, but I was really taken by the earliness of these display…

At the time it was early January, and the Christmas / New Year theme was still in the air. I wonder if that’s what’s wrong with the world and us as individuals.

When was the last time we took some time out to look at ourselves, look around us, look at our love ones. Not criticizes ourselves, or others,
just merely look.

Promise me ladies to take a moment to just look…… Tell me what do you see or what have you observed, bet you didn’t notice that before…...

Exotic Chocolate, Sling Back
Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women

Hobo’s Reminder of the Day:

About a week ago a friend sent me a chain letter, I usually delete them the moment I receive them. However, this one I did not delete and I am glad that I didn’t. It was as if it were written just for me, because I read it during a time when I started to doubt myself again. The reading (author unknown) reminded me that life is always going to have bumps (sometimes mountains) along the way. But always remember to stay strong and you will make it through that storm.

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men...
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

God doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Hobo Bag,
Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women

Life Choices

New Year, new beginnings. I do a lot of reflecting now that I am getting older. The things that I brushed off 10 years ago I act on now. I often think of old friends, relationships or situations and wonder if I had made different choices would my life be different.

I never have or had regrets. The more that I reflect I think that I would not change anything. Had I altered my life in anyway, I would not be the person I am today.

Remember that you are never the person that others see; but the person you believe yourself to be. You have to be the master of the things you desire and want. No one person or thing can ever determine your outcomes. If you want the house, 2.5 kids, wealth, security or a fulfilling life YOU must go after it. No person can provide for you all the things you desire.

Take this opportunity to log down all the things that will fulfill your life in 2010 and visit the list often. Meditating and renewing that energy within you can bring those thing into your life this year.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Prayers for Haiti

As we all know, on Tuesday January 12th Port-au-Prince, Haiti suffered a 7.0 earthquake that has left the country in turmoil.

The only thoughts I ever had about Haiti were negative ones. I thought only about it being poor and desolate with no beauty at all until one of my fellow bloggers, Kitten heels, took a trip there and shared her experience. She described it as being beautiful and although in need of much work she said she could see a glimmer of “the Pearl of the Caribbean”. That has forever changed the way I think of Haiti.

Unfortunately, even though my thoughts have changed the reality is that most of Haiti's 9 million people are desperately poor, and after years of political instability the country has no real construction standards. It has been estimated that about 60 percent of buildings are shoddily built and unsafe under normal circumstances. This 7.0 magnitude earthquake has destroyed just about all structures that existed, including the National Palace and the U.N. peacekeeping headquarters. Haiti doesn’t have the man power, the facilities, or the wherewithal to even begin to handle this type of devastation. Unfortunately it’s inevitable that the death toll will continue to mount.

Because Haiti is one of the poorest countries in our nation they have always needed our prayers but now they will need them more then ever. Please, please pray for Haiti.

The following organizations have set up donation and update pages on their websites:
http://www.forhaitiwithlove.org/

FOR HAITI WITH LOVE INC
4767 SIMCOE ST
PALM HARBOR, FL
34683-1311

http://www.worldconcern.org/

www.unicefusa.org/haitiquake

Text Donations
To make an automatic $10 donation to the Red Cross, text "HAITI" to 90999; the money will be charged directly to your cell phone bill.

To donate $5 via your cellphone to Wyclef Jean's grassroots organization: text "Yele" to 501501.

You can text HAITI to 25383 to give $5 to the International Rescue Committee.

There are also several other legitimate organizations that you can find online at www.cbsnews.com.


Stiletto,
Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women

PPP's Tip of the Week

Strategies with Food and Activity
Courtesy of Bally Total Fitness
http://www.ballynutrition.com

Do you have a favorite TV show that you watch every week? Get two things done at once by exercising during your show. Request that station to be put on at the gym or exercise in front of your TV at home. This will make your exercise time fly by and make it more enjoyable.



To Your Health!
Pumps, Purses, & Positivity
Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women

Black Women and Marriage

Earlier this week, there was a segment on Nightline that brought light to the fact that 42% of Black Women have never been married. Wow, that’s a pretty huge number. I would be naïve to think that there is a “one size fits all” reason for the statistic being so large, but I do wonder what the underlying issue may be.

Copy and paste the link below to watch the segment and give me your take on why such a large number of Black Women have yet to walk down the aisle.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCoI-B9AYjs



Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.

Clutch

Building Your Self Esteem

Word to the Wise:

It is not your business what other people think of you but more of what you think of yourself!

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

New Year....Is it really?

Happy New Year! January is the month that stands for "New, Start, and Begin" everyone says this is the month when they'll start their diets, budgets, and other things they have put off for the past year. January stands for how this year will kick off the Improved, Successful year that was started on last yearthat somehow didn't quite end as well as we had plan.

I've watched several talk shows and listen to the morning shows on the radio, and everyone is starting new rituals, routines, and lives. Now, I guess you are wondering where am I going with this...? I heard Tommy from the Steve Harvey show say "this year seems like a continuation from last year, ain't nothing different!" I laughed but I understood.

Of course, what he replied to was my broke friends are still begging, and so on, so forth. But what I have to say is some habits are hard to break, it takes strong will and determination to change lifestyles, and we have to be willing to change. Tenacious people look at the course of their lives and see where the deficient is and make the change.

A morning television spoke on becoming a Vegan for the New Year, and I thought could change be that simple. Is it possible for someone to wake up and say...this year...no meat! I thought long and hard; for some Yes it was that simple. No meat...No alcohol, No drugs, No cheating, No self loathing, No complaining, No stealing, No cursing, No overeating.....
I realized that we are the rulers of our lives destination, we have to steer our lives with determination to be the best knowledge and success we know how. Some things may take gradual steps until we can move to No...but eventually we will get there.
One person said to stop with negative thought and think positively, and that's less work. For example, More fruits and vegetables, More water and juices, More time with my wife/husband or guy/girl, More self acclamation, More compliments, More shopping in my budget, More use of positive words and last but not least.....ONLY eating when I'm hungry and what's good for me.
After much thinking and planning, I realized she was correct. Things seemed more doable after thinking positively about some personal changes that I need to correct that I've been trying to change since my adult years. I realized that if I minimized some of the negative and maximized the positive, maybe I could have a life style change that last longer than January 31, 2010, but a life time.
I'm learning that change is best when it's done for the good and the success for all parties involved. So go to the gym, cut back and hopefully your success will be all year, but if not, take the small step for the month and keep trying until the month turns into a year, and the years turn into life style change.

Ms. Chocolate Wedge
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Kitten Heels Recommends....

As I’ve written before, I ENJOY books. I really, really, really enjoy them. One of my favorite authors is Kimberla Lawson Roby. Ms. Roby is a New York Times, Essence, & Washington Post bestselling author of 14 novels. I am excited because the latest in the Reverend Curtis Black series is set for nationwide release on Tuesday January 19, 2010. The new book is named BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR. Here is the synopsis:

Her first marriage didn’t work out, but that isn’t going to stop Alicia Black, the privileged daughter of the charismatic Reverend Curtis Black, from getting what she wants. One month after her wedding to her second husband, she can’t believe her good fortune. God has heeded her prayers, blessing her with Pastor JT Valentine, a handsome, dynamic man of the cloth with his own large congregation, just like her father.

Unfortunately, Alicia doesn’t understand just how much like Curtis her new husband truly is. She doesn’t know JT has been sneaking around town with other women--or that he only married her to get close to her famous father’s money and fame. But while Alicia is blinded by love, her dad certainly isn’t. He warned his little girl that JT “simply can’t be trusted.” After all, it takes one to know one, and who better to see into the darkness of a sinner’s heart than Curtis?

It will take a miracle to save the day. But God acts in mysterious ways, and soon a host of lies, long-time secrets, and acts of betrayal come to light, and Alicia must face some very crucial and life-changing decisions. This time, though, she’s got to be careful what she prays for. . . .



I’ve had the pleasure to meet Kimberla, a couple of times and she is very humble, gracious, and down-to-earth. I hope to meet her again on the tour for this book. Her style of writing pulls you right in.

If you haven’t read any of the other books in the Reverend Curtis Black series, grab those too. In order, the books are CASTING THE FIRST STONE, TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING, THE BEST-KEPT SECRET, LOVE & LIES, SIN NO MORE, and THE BEST OF EVERYTHING. I read them out of order, but still enjoyed them immensely. The titles say it all. These are books about sin, lies, and secrets, but also about forgiveness, family, and love! Pick one or all of them up today. You won’t regret it!

Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Preparedness

For the last few weeks I have been dealing with unexpected incidents in my life and the lives of people in my village. There have been car accidents, deaths, divorces and the loss of a child. One would imagine that you cannot prepare for any of these things and then some of them you can prepare for.

In the case of the accident and death, I was unprepared for the suddenness of something like that happening and then having to be on 24/7 and really not have all the information I needed to have to deal with the situation. For that reason, we had a sit down with our 10 year old daughter and told her of our wishes should something happen to us and our plans for her, should something happen to us before she reaches adulthood. Most people were appalled that I gave those types of instructions to a 10 year old, but I know only too well, what can happen in the aftermath of a funeral and I don’t want my daughter caught up in drama while she is trying to grieve.

As for the divorce, there are always signs that a marriage is failing. I have been married 23 years and I hope that I would be able to see those signs. However, my friends are in denial, fighting and ruining the memory of their marriage over inane stuff. For the sake of your children, I implore people to try to be the bigger person. I know that it is not easy, but it leaves a lasting scar on your children and forever changes their outlook on life. I have been reading “10 Conversations To Have With Your Children” by Rabbi Smuley. Although, I am not Jewish, Rabbi Smuley has some very good points and I find the book to be fascinating for myself. Some of these conversations I needed to have with myself.

The loss of a child is something no one is ever going to be prepared for at anytime. I didn’t and still don’t know how to help my friends. I do know that all I can do is to be there for them when they need to talk and not try to act as if their child didn’t exist. Memories are what sustain us in all things, whether, divorce, death, childhood or adulthood. Our memories are what can get us through the tough times and we should do everything we can to cherish them.

In being prepared, I would suggest that you have a couple of things, 1) A Will, 2) Living Will for medical issues 3) Power of Attorney 4) Plans for your last wishes and 5) Mad money in case you need to get a divorce and a plan for the divorce once you become aware that you are getting one.

I know that people don’t like to talk about these things, but it will save you a lot of trouble and being prepared will take the sting off of some tough times.

Peace and Love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Get Tested!!

Okay ladies, play time is over!!! If you have never been sexually active then this article is not for you. If you have please keep reading!

Women and HIV

A Look at the Numbers – Courtesy of the Well Project, a blog dedicated to women living with HIV/Aids. http://www.thewellproject.org/

Over two and a half decades have passed since the first diagnosis of AIDS in America. While there were a handful of women among the first cases, AIDS was thought to primarily affect gay men. As the years passed, women began to emerge as the changing face of AIDS. The proportion of HIV and AIDS cases among women has more than tripled from 7% in 1985 to an alarming 26% in 2008. In 2008, The United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that approximately 280,000 women were living with HIV/AIDS in the U.S.

However, women remain undiagnosed, or not in care, and UNAIDS (Uniting the world against AIDS) estimates that between 14.2 and 16.9 million women were living with HIV worldwide in 2007, accounting for half of the estimated 33 million HIV-positive people.

HIV has hit the African-American and Hispanic communities particularly hard. Women in these communities make up a combined 25% of the U.S. female population, yet accounted for 82% of all female HIV/AIDS cases in the U.S. in 2006. An increase in HIV diagnoses has also been seen in older women (45 and older.)

For women in the U.S., high-risk heterosexual contact is clearly the most prevalent mode of transmission: 32% of new HIV infections in the U.S. are acquired through heterosexual contact, while 18% of those newly infected were exposed through injection drug use. Heterosexual intercourse is also the primary source of HIV transmission for women in many other countries in Africa, South America, and Western Europe.

Did You Know?

• AIDS is the number one cause of death for African American women aged 25 -34


• About 10% of AIDS cases in the US female population are in women older than 50


• Seven of ten states with the highest AIDS cases among women are located in the South


• Among teenagers 13 to 19, girls account for over half of new HIV infections


• Every 29 seconds a women dies from an AIDS related illness
  

Ladies, love yourself first and GET TESTED! Click on the link below to find a location near you.
http://www.hivtest.org/

Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

2010 REVELATIONS

2010 will not be a year of resolutions for me but of revelations. I have decided to start the year off with some things that I need to get in order.

First, I will dedicate more time to help those less fortunate and/or in need of some type of guidance. My daughter and I, right before the New Year, volunteered with the Greater Food Depository to help package dry goods that will be distributed throughout our city. This event gave me joy, but also enabled me to spend some time with some teens from a neighborhood organization. We had a good time and they were some good kids.

I will spend sometime with me. I will do some reading; add growth to my mind on an intellectual level. I will create a vision board in the first part of this year. This will enable me to place those goals and desires I want to reach in eye sight daily. I will work on the finances. This will allow me to provide a lifestyle that I desire and want. I will continue to work on my spiritual growth. Without Him there is no me. I will make sure to focus more on my health.

What are some of the things that you will continue to work on in 2010? Make sure that you take time out for you, your spirit and your health. With out having your mind, body and spirit in sync your year could continue to be stressful.

Give me some more ideas that can help to enrich 2010.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Build-A-Mate

I took my niece to Build-A-Bear over the weekend. It always amazes me how one little bear can be so expensive by the time we are done “personalizing” it. As we walked around and picked items that would make this bear more perfect than the 5 others that she owns, I thought about how nice it would be if we could do this with our mates. Now, I am not complaining about the great husband that I have, but boy-oh-boy it would be so much fun to build him from scratch!

My first station would be the face station. I’ll admit, I am a sucker for a nice smile. I would have to choose the Matthew McConaughey face, complete with those gorgeous dimples! However, I’ll replace the teeth with the Idris Elba Colgate smile set and top it off with the Benjamin Bratt perfectly moussed hair piece. While I am not really into the muscular, body builder type, you must be able to hang a nice suit. With that in mind, I’ll take the Michael Jordan body, please include the walk as well. What next? Oh yea, my mate will need clothes on that great body. I think that I will go with the Will Smith clothing package. You know the one, with the sweaters and ties and also the great designer suits.

Next, let’s stuff my mate. I would like for him to have a personalized voicebox so that he sings like Maxwell. However, I would like him to have the consciousness of Common and come complete with the ATM card of Bill Gates.

I think that does it, what’s the total for this perfect man? $5 Trillion…..no wonder he doesn’t exist!

What would your Build-A-Mate include?


Clutch

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.

My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration

I was going through my Facebook page recently and I noticed some of the entries of friends and acquaintances that I have met over the years. After reading, the question that came to mind is, what inspires people?

The Facebook text showed me that some are inspired by the feedback that they get on a topic that they post, comments on photos that they share, and some by inconspicuously bragging about material items that they possess.

You see, inspiration can come in many different forms; some negative and some positive.

After more thought, I began to ponder, what inspires me? Hmmm, good question. My children, siblings, parents, husband, and last but not least, my friends are sources of inspiration for me.

My children inspire me because they teach me how to love regardless of the pain or hurt that I may feel. When I discipline them, they may cry at first, but their little minds allow them to move pass the hurt and forgive.

My siblings inspire me because they remind me of who I am when I lose focus.

My parents inspire me because they have lived through decades of life experiences that I have yet to see. The changing of America from deliberate signs of hate posted on walls and doors for all to see to the times where now deliberate hate is no longer tolerated openly.

My husband inspires me because he is the one person that I know that can find laughter when I find it hard to even smile.

Last but not least, my dear friends. Where would I be without them? They inspire me to keep fighting when I don't think that I have any fight left in me.

What inspires you?

Word to the Wise: Make a collage of people, places and things that inspire you. When you lose sight of your goals, the visual is a constant reminder of where you want to be and can get you back on track.

BE INSPIRED!

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

TIGER WOODS and others

Well the year ended with a BANG and I think out of all the devastating news, the Tiger Woods saga was quite surprising. I know I felt if someone mentioned this again, I was going to scream!!!

Makes you think----as humans, are we destined to have one mate and behave like civil persons? Or are we to revert to our ancestors behavior and be caveman-like? Remember what we read about these cave people----men clubbing their women over the head and dragging them away, and everyone grunting and pointing to what they desired?

I think we were surprised by Tiger's behavior because he disguised what he was doing so well. Or so he thought. I hope in the New Year we won't be so devastated or surprised by our fellow men and women's behavior but that we be the best we can all be towards each other.

Ready or not here we go for another round...HAPPY NEW YEAR to all !!!!!!!!!

Exotic Chocolate Sling Back,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo’s Ouestion of the Day

It is that time of year when we make plans to improve, change, or better ourselves. We also make plans to do the one thing we have been planning to do for the past few years, like go on the special vacation that we were suppose to go on last year. I am wondering why do we wait or decide to take care of ourselves only once a year? Why do we forget so often to acknowledge ourselves?

I, just like millions of other people, made New Year’s resolutions and I realized that they were the same ones I made last year. Each year I pick the same resolutions and typically I make it till mid-February before I notice that I have completely broken my promise to myself.

So; Hobo is asking what resolutions (if any) have you decided to accomplish this year? Or have you (like Hobo) decided to “try” and make it a year long effort to better yourself?

Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag

Real talk, Real life, Real women

The Start of the Resolution Season

So…it’s the first Monday of the New Year. Did you start your resolutions yet? I think the New Year is a good time to give your self a fresh start, so it’s the perfect time to try to knock out those bad habits and start positive ones. The problem is that the enthusiasm that you have as the year is new slowly recedes to the same old same old as the holidays fade and life returns to normal. I think that’s why so many people struggle with keeping their resolutions. Those who have been most successful actually have to make a conscious decision to change their behavior. It’s nice to think “I’m going to lose 10 pounds”, but in order to make it happen, you have got to put a plan in place. And it must be a realistic plan. Don’t start off with too difficult or too aggressive a plan---ease into it. Remember the fable…slow and steady wins the race. Also having a support system can be wonderful. You don’t have to have the same type of goals in mind, but just having someone who is helping to hold you accountable helps keep you on track.

As for me, I have a list of 12 resolutions that I plan to accomplish in 2010. Some are giving up bad behaviors (eating unhealthy, not exercising) and some are adding good behaviors (need to read more, need to reach out to friends more often), but all in all, I am working on growing and improving myself to be the best me that I can be. It’s day 4 and so far I am still on track. Here are the hints that I will be following to keep my New Year’s Resolutions:

• I’ve created manageable goals. Baby steps. Change doesn’t happen overnight and perfection takes even longer.
• I’ve set up periodic (weekly and monthly) check points so that I will know if I am getting off track.
• I’ve got several friends who I will be checking in with to report my progress; and they are committed to hanging in with me for the entire year.
• I’ve set up a plan to get back on track if I stray off my plan. I will re-evaluate the original resolution to see if it needs to be re-stated or adjusted, I will forgive myself for getting off track, and (most important) I will get back to it.

I will check in periodically to let you know how I am doing. And if you’d like, feel free to tell me how you are doing with your resolutions. Until then, good luck starting and keeping your resolutions! It’s a new day…a new year…and you CAN do it!!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

A Year in Review

Well, we are three days into the New Year and although many may want to forget 2009, I would like to review some of the great and not so great things that happened. Check out the video below....courtesy of Yahoo entitled ’09 Rewind.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/6483571/16810249

Yahoo! '09 Rewind @ Yahoo! Video

Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

One Decade Down…Already?

Happy New Year! Can you believe the first decade of “the New Millennium” is over and done? It seems like it was yesterday when we were stockpiling water, canned food and money “just in case” the computers which run the world got wonky when the year changed to 2000. Here we are 10 years later and we have become even more dependent on our computers.

Blogging and Facebook and Twitter have become commonplace in most of our lives and we not only access our on-line lives from both work and home computers, but we can access the internet from our cell phones. Yes, I know that there are a few of us holdouts (I refuse to get involved with Twitter), but in general, our society is all about moving information and moving it right now!!

It is amazing as I think back on my childhood…no cell phones, no computers, no internet. Makes me feel old to see how much things have changed, but it also makes me hopeful to dream about the possibilities that have yet to be realized. And as I realize how quickly these last 10 years have passed, I have decided that I need to take a little more time to appreciate my life, my family and friends and this world that we live in. Things are moving so fast, but every now and again I hope that you will join me to slow it down a bit and take time to smell the roses!

Here’s to a new decade!!!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Martini Share

I must say that my favorite part of hosting is the fact that I get to try out new Martini recipes. None are original, but all are great. I usually tweak the recipes here and there to my liking. For those that will be hosting the first parties of 2010, be it large or small, I would like to share a few of my favorite Martini recipes that are sure to be a hit. These recipes are also good for those “boo” moments, with just you and your significant other. They even work for those nights alone, when you just need to unwind. Honestly, I can’t think of a time when a good Martini isn’t fitting….enjoy! Remember to drink responsibly and to make 2010 the best year ever!

Caramel Apple Martini (My Fave)

First, drizzle caramel into an empty Martini glass and place in the freezer while preparing the other ingredients.

2 Parts Schnapps Butterscotch
2 Parts Apple Pucker
1 Part Vodka

Shake in a chilled shaker and serve in the caramel glazed Martini glass.
Garnish with a Granny Smith Apple for appeal….yum!

Blue Martini

First, drizzle blueberry syrup into empty Martini glass and place in the freezer while preparing the other ingredients.

2 Parts Vodka
1 Part Blue Curacao
1 Part White Creme De Cacao

Shake in a chilled shaker and service in blueberry glazed Martini glass.
Garnish with a lemon or maraschino cherry.

Jolly Rancher Martini

First, add 30 Jolly Racncher candies and Vodka (enough to completely cover candy, approximately 2 cups) into a container and refrigerate for about 24 hours. Choose flavor of your choice but they should all be the same. Watermelon and Grape are my favorite.

Next, shake in chilled shaker and strain into Martini glass.

Lastly, add a splash of 7-up to give the drink some fizz…..yum!



Happy New Year!


Clutch

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.