Decision, Decisions, Decisions

Alrighty readers, when were last together Stacey's ex-husband Carl arrived on her doorstep and Stacey had a major decision to make. Should she let him in or leave him out on the sidewalk.

This time, Stacey felt sorry for him and let him in. When she told me I was not surprised because that was her nature.

Once Carl stumbled his way inside, Stacey asked him what happened. He told her that he was walking back to his car when suddenly he had been attacked from behind. The person stole his wallet, his keys, and his car. In the back of her mind she was thinking that it served him right but she could not bring herself to say the words. Stacey took him back to the kitchen and made some coffee. They sat down at the table and he called the police and insurance company to file the incident reports. He said that he did not want to see a doctor because the only thing that was really hurting was his pride.

After he completed the calls he asked Stacey if she had any liquor because he needed a drink to calm his nerves. Stacey grabbed the bottle of Lambrusco from the fridge and two glasses. They sat in silence sipping their drinks until finally Carl began to talk. He started to reminisce about the good times that they had together as he poured himself another glass. He reminisced about how they laughed, joked, and played around like teenagers until wee hours of the morning.

This was the Carl that Stacey did not stop loving. The Carl that was kind, gentle, and loving. The Carl before she became the Mrs.

Before long it was 6 a.m. and Stacey was exhausted. She found herself drifting off partially from being tired and also from too much Lambrusco. That is when Carl got up from his chair and came near Stacey and began to stroke her hair. For Stacey it was a feeling that she had not felt in a long time and she was nervous. Carl went over to the counter and turned on the radio and the sweet sounds of Luther came across the airwaves. This made Stacey even more nervous because this used to be one of their favorite songs. Stacey closed her eyes and exhaled. When she opened them, Carl was standing in front of her with his arms out and open. As Stacey stood up, Carl leaned in and at that moment, their eyes locked and then..........

Hm-mm. Stacey has a dilemma. The man that wronged her in so many ways was acting so right now. She knows that she should not entertain his advances but she is very lonely, Luther is playing, and Carl is hitting all the right notes.

Should she (1) Start coughing and wheezing like she is having an asthma attack (2) Change the subject by asking him if he is hungry (3) Complain that she has stomach pains and keep saying that it must be cramps (4) Turn off the radio and send this joker packing?


Word to the Wise: When you are faced with temptations, remember the Bible verse James 1-4: "Count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations; knowing that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing".

Mary Jane
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Joyful

As always this time of the year makes everyone just a little more cheerful and merry. It's always nice to walk in an establishment and most of the staff are smiling and are very helpful. The illuminating lights and the decorations represent the beauty and celebration of the life of the King. This time of the year brings majesty from everyone that is present.

During this time of the year family is really held in reverence. Regardless of bloodline or lifeline, everyone wants to be surrounded by the people they love. Compassion, empathy, understanding and caring are the characteristics of the people we surround ourselves with during this time. We become kindred spirits with people we don't know, while standing in line we discuss Christmas presents, for children, relatives and dear friends. We help a stranger pick out a gift for a niece, and did anyone tell you that you don't even work for the store. There's no commission at the end of the sale, just a smile from the customer and a joyful "Have a Merry Christmas, and thanks for your help" and it's then that you become warm....with knowing you've made two people's day, the gift giver and the receiver.

It's during this time I appreciate my career choice. It's during this time the state of Illinois pays me for the last 4 months of hard work and labor, with an extensive winter break vacation. I've been enlightening young minds and constructing their brains for knowledge....and I get two full weeks off for a job well done! It's during this time I say....Merry Christmas to all and read a good book!

I enjoy this time of the year...because everything is saturated with love, happiness and cheer. I enjoy the tempations of everyone's culinary skills when it comes to baking Rum cakes, sugar cookies, chocolate and pound cakes, and anything with carmel and nuts.

The colors red, green and white...are so beautiful and there are some many combinations and variations of the colors that no matter where and how, they are always so beautiful. It's during this time...I'm glad I can celebrate the birth of Christ..with the world, and relay the message of lhis birth, that this is time to spread unconditional love and cheer.

It's always nice to be nice, and it's even better to give love. Remember that Jesus is the reason for the season, and don't forget to be nice and love everyone after December has changed into the New Year.

For God loved the world that He would give His Son ...so we could have life...

Ms. Chocolate Wedge

More Than Enough

As a child, I always wanted a sister. I grew up with not one, not two, but three brothers who spent most of our childhood torturing me, as brothers do. So sometimes I felt alone and knew that if I had a sister, I would have an ally. My mom filled the void to a certain extent. And if I told on my brothers, like music to my ears, she would yell for them to sit their a$$’s down before she knocked them down! :) Mae Frances didn’t play! Despite the hard talk, and sometimes heavy hand, my mom was very loving. I remember the times that we spent reading, shopping, or just hanging out watching TV. She did what she could to be the sister that I didn’t have. I still really wanted one though.

In my pre-teen and teen years, I found that most of my friends had a sister. And even if they got mad at their sister from time to time, they were still sisters and nothing could break the bond. I so envied that. In some instances I recall wanting a friend to like me more than they liked their sister. By my college years, I was no longer envious and I made a few friends that are still dear to me to this day.

I kept my handful of friends and had the unconditional love of my mom and felt satisfied, until my mom died. This was the lowest point in my life. A year and four months later, my dad died. I spiraled out of control trying to fill the void left and found that no amount of food, sex, toxic relationships and friendships, or alcohol and drugs was enough. After a few years, I figured it out and went through my “getting myself together” phase. I got rid of some bad habits and relationships and began to know the love of Christ and peace. I still really wanted my mom and dad back though.

Fast forward to the last three years. I have come to realize that the Lord is true to his word. It says He will give you the desires of your heart and that He is Jehovah Jireh, the God who sees and provides. The Lord knew what I had need of. Though I’m not a true orphan and have lots of relatives. Because He loves me, He has blessed me with more sisters, more mothers, more fathers, and even more brothers, than I would ever need. They are my fellow ministry volunteers, church members, bloggers, and book club members. They are some co-workers, and friends old and new. Every time I have the opportunity to talk to or gather with any of these awesome people, I am reminded that during this time of year, many are lonely, but not me, I have more than enough! Praise God!

Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

New Product – PowerMat

Every once in a while, a new product is introduced that piques my interest. As I was watching Ellen show her giveaways for the 1st day of her 12 Days of Giveaways promotion, I was excited to be introduced to the PowerMat.

The PowerMat is a device that allows you to charge up to 3 items wirelessly. That’s right…you can get rid of all of those pesky cords. You simply attach a receiver and then drop your phone, game or music player on the PowerMat and it starts charging. And once a device has received a full charge, the PowerMat stops charging it. That’s right…no overcharging your battery! It charges using something called magnetic induction (no clue what this means), and it charges just as fast, if not slightly faster, than the wall plug.


It’s a very cool concept and one whose time I think has come. Check out the video on their website (the link is at the bottom right corner) to see a product demo. And it’s only $100 which includes 8 tips that allow you to charge hundreds of items on the PowerCube. Receivers are available for about $40.

It’s the latest, greatest technology…check it out!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Become Financially Stable in 2010!

Honestly I’m not big on resolutions at the first of the year. I like to reflect and adjust throughout the year as necessary but with only 5 days left in 2009 I thought it appropriate to talk about one really important resolution that I made back in January. I decided to get financially fit in 2009.

I have to be honest and say that this wasn’t something I decided in December of ’08 this actually came to me when I totaled my car in January of ’09. I was in a terrible rollover accident and walked away with a small scratch on my pinky finger that I couldn’t even see the next day….Praise God!! But the one thing I didn’t walk away with was my car.

I needed to make a decision, was I going to run out and purchase another car and start yet another payment plan? Or should I suck it up and take the two buses that it takes me to get to work everyday and pay off some of this crazy debt that I have? Well anyone that knows me knows that I would much rather drive then take public transportation unless it is really convenient and my commute from home to work on the bus is not convenient! But as I have mentioned in many of my blogs....in this journey of learning how to love myself first I realized that getting me out of debt would be worth the sacrifice and inconvenience. So I committed to paying off all of my debt on February 1st, 2009 and through a lot of readjusting and budgeting I will be out of debt (except for a student loan) by February 28th, 2010!!!

This is huge for me because I have had debt since I was 17 years old and I’m about to be 46. I’m excited and can not wait for the end of February because this is something that I really put my mind to and was determined to succeed. I now know that I can truly live off of a certain amount and still enjoy life; I just had to make the adjustments.

We are still in very uncertain times despite experts claiming that we are out of the recession. Are you financially stable? If not maybe you should think about making that your resolution. Below are a couple of links to some articles that talk about tips in getting debt free. I’m going to list a couple that I actually did and they worked!

1. Set a reasonable timeline that you can live by!! Remember it took several years for you to run up your debt don’t expect it to go away overnight.

2. Create a realistic monthly budget for your expenses. List all monthly bills and necessities and make sure they are covered by your monthly income. Allow only the money remaining after the bills are paid to be spent elsewhere. Stay within your budget guidelines

3. Learn to use cash instead of credit cards. Have one primary credit card and use it only for emergencies or major necessities, such as a new refrigerator if the current one stops working. Put your credit card in a safe place, not available for everyday use. Also, do not accept increases on your credit card limit above an amount you can easily pay off in three months.

4. Contact your creditors and try to work out repayment plans. Many creditors are willing to work with you in a manner that will help them get their money without having to resort to debt collectors.

Click below to get additional tips!
http://www.allbusiness.com/personal-finance/credit-cards-credit-card-debt/2442-1.html

http://www.bizymoms.com/debt/free-debt-help.html

2010 is all about getting YOU together so you can help others! Have a blessed and safe New Year!

Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

OUT WITH THE OLD

We have been blessed to be able to see another NEW YEAR come in. It should be started off with all positive. I believe that the year brings the things that we put out to the universe. I know that these are trying times for a lot of us, but we have to adapt to our circumstances.

I remember some words of wisdom that I read years ago, when I was going through some things, by renown author Iyanla Vanzant. She said that even in adverse situations you must receive the gifts that are positive in the situation. If you finances are funny, you are not broke. Your finances are temporarily limited. If you are sad or depressed, you are temporarily unable to deal. The resounding statement in all of this is that it is TEMPORARY. We must begin to move pass all the negative in our lives and focus and regroup to bring in the positive.

Lets all think of the negative things we can change in our lives for the new year. If a relationship is not working, release it back to the universe so that the positive can come back. If you kids are causing trouble, do your job as a parent and release them back to the world with all the positive values that you have provided. If your job was done correctly, they will be fine. We have to believe that our children must become productive citizens and human beings. If you are ready for a new job, place that at the feet of determination and begin your search. Nothing comes without effort.

Make the new year a new start of glorious things to come. I myself have decided mentally and spiritually to start my year out on a positive. I have to remove the clutter from my life and living space and start anew. I am looking forward to what the new year will bring and wish the same for all of you.

Remember that no one can do anything to us that we don’t allow them to do. Join me in removing the clutter from your surroundings and making 2010 a fresh start.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

The Good Wife

I’ve been married for just over five years, and I can honestly say that it’s taken me that long to figure out how to be a “good wife”. I mastered being a good student early on in kindergarten and a good friend shortly thereafter. Being a good employee was easy, had that under control before high school ended and I even figured out how to be a good “girlfriend” around that same time. This wife stuff was different. My husband and I had lived together before marriage so I figured it would be easy to just fall into the wife role, the only difference would be a piece of paper, right? Wrong!

I had no idea what a healthy husband/wife relationship looked like. As much as I can credit my mother for being an outstanding role model, I never got to see her in the wife role. I had no blueprint to follow. My father had passed away when I was very young and my mother never re-married. I watched her be an amazing mother, sister, friend and business owner but never a wife. I have older siblings but none were married at that impressionable time in my life. I didn’t know what battles to fight and which to let go. I didn’t even know how to fight in a marriage. It was easy when we were dating, he left or I left and one of us got over it and things were back to normal. Marriage was different. I didn’t know how to walk that fine line between selfishness and independence. I never knew how important finances would become in a marriage. There was so much to learn! I am so blessed that my husband was just as ignorant about marriage as myself. We had a chance to learn together. More importantly, he is the most patient person that I have ever met so he never gave up on me.

I recently listened to a group of male friends speak about marriage. There was a consensus among them that the number one problem that they have with their mate is a lack of support. They went on to say that as men, they are expected to always be strong and walk tall. Once of the gentlemen made the statement that his strength is determined by the support that he gets from his mate. If she does not support him, he loses confidence and feels weak. But, if she does support him, he feels invincible and ready to conquer the world. He then went on to say that support from your mate trumps money, sex and even power. He talked about how having unconditional support from someone that loves you is almost orgasmic. Wow.

While I was very surprised by the conversation, it made me reflect on my own marriage. How many times had my lack of support weakened my husband’s confidence and ultimately our marriage? I couldn’t think of a single time that he didn’t support me, but could think of several when I didn’t support him. This is something that I continue to work on daily. I have vowed to support the men in my life….my husband, brothers, nephews, uncles and friends. Even when I may not totally agree, I will offer my advice but still support their decisions. I realize that without our support they can still do anything…. but with it, they can do everything!

Clutch.

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.

THIS CHRISTMAS

Stacey’s story will continue next week on its regularly scheduled day.

Today I would like to encourage everyone to remember that tomorrow is not about the gifts that you give or receive, but it is about the most ultimate gift that has been given to the world.

Christmas is not about you or me, but it is all about Jesus. And Jesus represents LOVE.

Make it your way of life to give of your time and your talents so that you can be a testimony to someone. I truly believe that there is always someone waiting for you to come into their life. It is just a matter of making the connection.

Make it your Christmas wish to join an organization dedicated to helping others in your communities or around the world. The gift of service is long lasting and always pays forward.
　
Wishing you and yours a Safe and Merry Christmas

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

This is for the Burger lovers!

I’ve been known to crave a burger now and again. No I’m not talking about a turkey burger or a veggie burger, not that those aren’t tasty, but I’m talking about a big fat juicy beef burger! However, as I get older the harder it is to lose those extra pounds and maintain a healthy diet. So what’s a girl to do? Well I found it! I am an avid researcher of information and I will check out several sources to verify legitimacy. Here is a list of burgers that for sure sound tempting but are packed full of unnecessary calories, but the good thing is for every "not so healthy for you" burger that's listed, there is a better alternative suggested at the same restaurant!


Worst Cheeseburger with Everything
Wendy’s Double with Everything and Cheese
700 calories
40 g fat (17 g saturated, 2 g trans)
1,440 mg sodium

Eat This Instead!
Double Stack with Small Chili
550 calories
24 g fat (10.5 g saturated, 1 g trans)
1,640 mg sodium
*****************
Worst Burger and Fries
In-N-Out Burger Hamburger and French Fries
790 calories
37 g fat (10 g saturated)
895 mg sodium

Eat This Instead!
Protein Style Double-Double with grilled onion, ketchup, and mustard
440 calories
30 g fat (16 g saturated)
1,080 mg sodium
*****************
Worst Plain Cheeseburger
Five Guys Cheeseburger (plain)
840 calories
55 g fat (22.5 g saturated)
1,050 mg sodium

Eat This Instead!
Little Bacon Burger with Sautéed Mushrooms and A1 Steak Sauce
575 calories
33 g fat (14.5 g saturated)
920 mg sodium
*****************
Worst Burger Brand
Carl’s Jr. Six Dollar Burger
890 calories
54 g fat (20 g saturated, 2 g trans)
2,040 mg sodium

Eat This Instead!
Big Hamburger
460 calories
17 g fat (8 g saturated, 0.5 g trans)
1,090 mg sodium
*****************
Worst “Original” Burger
Hardee's Original Thickburger (1/3 lb)
910 calories
64 g fat (21 g saturated)
1,560 mg sodium

Eat This Instead!
Double Cheeseburger
510 calories
26 g fat (5 g saturated)
1,120 mg sodium
*****************
Worst Fast-Food Cheeseburger in America
Burger King Triple Whopper Sandwich with Cheese and Mayo
1,250 calories
84 g fat (32 g saturated, 3.5 g trans)
1,600 mg sodium

Eat This Instead!
Tendergrill Chicken Sandwich with Mayo
490 calories
21 g fat (4 g saturated, 0 g trans)
1,220 mg sodium

To check out the full article with even more healthy fast food eating tips click below.
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/39713/6-worst-fast-food-burgers-and-what-you-should-eat-instead/

Here’s to your health!
Stiletto,

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo’s Question of the Day

Hobo is asking the question of is there really such a thing as “happily ever after” in relationship to marriage and has the concept of a monogamous relationship gone away with the belief that the world is flat.

I ask this question because despite my extreme efforts not to discuss this topic; I found myself at work “listening” to a co-worker explain to me the concept of men cheating and the world of athletes. He tried to convince me that men are biologically conditioned to cheat and that it is very naive of any one married to an athlete to believe that her husband or significant other will not cheat.

If his theory is true I wonder why does anyone commit to monogamous relationships and commit to the ultimate commitment of marriage anymore. Hobo asks this question because I happen to be an undercover romantic (cleverly disguised as a skeptic) and I would like to believe that on the day I say “I do”; that person is also giving the ultimate commitment.

So, Hobo is asking am I naïve to believe that two people can commit to one another or does one have to accept the idea that their significant other is incapable of respecting their relationship?

Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag.

Real life, Real talk, Real women.

Brittany Murphy

Hollywood has lost another movie star at a young age. Brittany Murphy died over the weekend. The cause of death is not known just yet but reports say that she was sick with flu like symptoms and was taking prescription medication.

I absolutely loved Clueless and I enjoyed her in 8 Mile, Little Black Book, and Girl Interrupted. My heart goes out to her family and friends.


Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

So You Think You Can Dance?

I’m not a huge television watcher but I do follow the reality series “So You Think You Can Dance”. Season 6 just finished up, December 16th, and for the first time since the show’s inception a krumper was crowned America’s favorite dancer. 20 year old Russell Ferguson from Roxbury, Massachusetts walked away with $250,000 and a dream come true.

I definitely felt a connection with Russell based on his roots but even more so with his extremely charismatic personality! I feel a great since of pride and I really do wish him the best of luck in all that his does. He has the opportunity to change lives and you can just tell that’s exactly what he wants to do. Hoepfully we will see and hear a lot from Russell Ferguson.

Please check out a couple of his videos below and let me know what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tj00d22ooXQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz3AqJrOfzo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtLRQtUeeIE

Happy Holidays,
Stiletto

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

A quick, simple meal

It’s the time of year where things are hurried and time is short. With this in mind, I thought I’d share a really simple meal that can be thrown together in just a few minutes.

I LOVE quesadillas!! And they can be so quick and easy to make! There are only a few basic ingredients that most people have in their pantry, and in no time, you’ve got a simple meal in minutes.

Here’s a very basic recipe, but the great thing about quesadillas is that you can basically use anything as a filling. They are especially great with leftovers…chicken, ham, beef, pork. You can even add lunch meat or cooked bacon or brown some hamburger meat…whatever you’d like. For a special treat, use Chihuahua cheese instead of those listed below and add black beans or refried beans. Add some green, yellow or red peppers and some grilled onions for even more flavor…YUM! And served with a tasty margarita---even better!

Quesadillas – Basic Recipe



Ingredients:
• 6 6-inch flour tortillas
• 1 (8 ounce) package shredded cheddar cheese or Monterey jack cheese
• 1 (4 ounce) can diced green chili peppers
• 1 teaspoon oil
• salsa or green chili salsa
• slivered or sliced olives
• sour cream
• jalapeno peppers

Directions:

To pan fry tortillas, sprinkle 3 of the tortillas with cheese and peppers. Top with remaining 3 tortillas. Brush a large skillet or griddle with oil. Heat skillet or griddle till a drop of water sizzles. Cook quesadillas, one at a time, over medium heat about 4 minutes (total) or till cheese is melted and tortillas are light brown, turning once.

To bake quesadillas, brush one side of the 3 tortillas with some oil. Place tortillas, oiled side down, on a baking sheet. Top with cheese, peppers, and remaining tortillas, and brush with remaining oil. Bake at 450F for 6 minutes, or until light brown.

To serve, cut each quesadilla in thirds, and top with sour cream, salsa, olives and jalapeno peppers, if desired.

Enjoy!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Customer Service

Has the state of our economy made people totally forget about customer service? I ask this question after a few incidents this week. The first incident occurred when I went to the bank to request a new pin number for my ATM card. After rushing to get to the branch before the lobby closed, I get there with at least 15 minutes to spare. Though the personal banker never greeted me as I stood and waited to be serviced, I still smiled and greeted her so that we could get the show on the road. I explained to her what I needed, and she informed me that she had already put the machine away and that I would have to come back tomorrow. I politely reminded her, that according to the bank’s clock, it was only 5:46 PM and that there were still 14 minutes left for customers to be serviced. She huffed and puffed and went over to another employees’ window to laugh and frolic and then finally went to get the machine. She punched in some numbers and very nastily said “put your number in”. Wanting to give her an opportunity to adjust her tone, I politely said “excuse me”? She then said, even nastier and slower, “put your number in, geez!” Needless to say, she earned some overtime that evening because instead of getting a new pin, I closed out my accounts, all three of them. That transaction took much longer than a simple pin number change would have taken.

The second incident occurred when I went to a very well known cosmetic counter to purchase new make-up. The make-up counter was very busy and it was obvious that the employees were scouting the customers to see who they thought would spend the most money. Being relatively new to make-up purchasing, I wanted to try the make-up out and get the professional consultation that I thought was the standard from such a company. The cosmetic’s employee, very blunt and agitated, asked if I was purchasing anything because if not she needed to wait on other customers and could not keep helping me try out foundations. I asked her if she worked on commission. She answered, yes. I then asked her if she made commission off of gift cards. She again answered yes. I quickly showed her a $500 gift card that I had won in a raffle. She became very attentive and helpful. I made a decision about everything that I would purchase, wrote it all down, and informed her that I would be going to another location to purchase it.

Lastly, my husband went to a very popular fast food chain, placed his order and paid for his food. Though I always check my bag, he didn’t and assumed that the order was correct. After driving 20 minutes to the house, he opened the bag to find nothing but an order of fries. His bill totaled $8.62. That’s an awfully expensive order of fries. He thought, I’ll just call the restaurant and they will make it right somehow, after all, he still had the receipt. He was told by the manager that he needed to bring the purchase back in that night, uneaten, or there would be nothing that he could do. I guess that maybe they count fries now because that’s the only way that he could know that they were uneaten. Even after explaining to the manager that he lived 20 minutes away, and that it was 10:00 PM, the manager said that he could do nothing. Wow.

How often do we get bad service and just let it slide? We get mad, call all of our friends to complain, and vow to never solicit a business again. However, two weeks later we are back allowing them to put our hard earned money on their ledger for the year. How can we expect things to get better if we do not take a stand and stick to our guns? If the service is bad, do not go back. It is not necessary to speak ill of a place or person, just don’t go. Spend your money and time elsewhere. If we all follow that rule, eventually it will make an impact and things will have to get better!

Let’s all demand the service that we know we deserve! Also, do not forget to be courteous in return!

Clutch

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.

RETURN OF THE MACK

Just as Stacey began to turn around, the lights at the club came up,the music stopped, and I immediately looked toward the dance floor to see if they were there. Whew, they were gone! The last thing that I wanted to have happen was Stacey's great night out to turn into a disaster.

Heidi, Kim, Stacey and I headed for the exit. As we were leaving we saw the owner and thanked him for a fabulous time. He reminded us that they were having a big Christmas and New Year's party and wanted us to be sure to stop in. We said that we would and headed to the car. On our way to the car Kim remembered that she left something in the club and ran back in to get it. As we waited outside for her we began to talk about what we wanted to eat because you can't leave the club and not stop for a bite to eat before going home.

When Kim came back, she told us that she ran into a guy that gave her a card and said that he wanted to meet Stacey. When they asked her to describe the guy, she tried but the description did not sound familiar to anyone that we saw. Stacey took the card and the name on the card was Justin Case. Hmmm, said Heidi. That is an interesting name. Sound like a lawyer or a doctor! Girl Please, I said. The chances of a doctor or a lawyer being here are like the chances that Mr. Right will be standing at my door when I get home. We all began to laugh and walk to the car.

As we drove away, I took one last glance at the club and I saw that dang Samantha LaRue standing near the entrance by herself. I wanted to go around the block to see if she was waiting for Carl but I decided against it since Stacey was not aware of what I saw.

We stopped for a bite to eat, talked about the events of the night, and then headed home. I was so glad that Stacey had a good time and we talked briefly about the parties to come.

I gave her a big hug and told her to give me a call if she needed anything.

As Stacey opened her front door, she was met with the scent of potpourri that she had placed out earlier that day. She made her way to the shower and hopped into bed. As she began to drift off, she could her a voice calling her faintly. Stacey, Stacey, Stacey, the voice said. She got up took a look out the window and it was Carl. He appeared to look as if he had been in a fight.

Because Stacey was a "helper" she went to the door to see what was wrong. As she opened the door, he was curled up on her doorstep like the neighborhood cat, wet from the dew of the grass, and shaking like a leaf on a tree.

Ok. Now Stacey has another decision to make. Should she (1) Let Carl inside to see if he is okay? (2) Call the police and let them deal with him? (3) Close the door in his face and go back to bed? (4) Call his mama and tell her to come and get him off her doorstep or (5) Call me?


Word to the Wise: In dealing with life's situations, sometimes you have to think with your head and not with your heart!

Stay tuned for next week's installment

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

The Power of PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you actually had a vision of it?

Well, recently I had this great revelation of doing another positive thing in my life. The thing is I went through all possible channels, friends, internet, and flyers. Then someone said, “Hey there is one thing you should do, or try.” Instead, I proceeded to tell my friend of all my various channels that I have already invested time in. My friend just rolled her eyes and said you've forgotten an important medium. What, I asked. She responded by saying, PRAYERS.

Prayers, I exclaimed. Yes, she stated. Whenever you need anything, the one you turn to is always right above. How true, prayers. Seems so far fetched, but yet so right.

So now, guess whom I turn to in my time of need....

You can also try this and tell me your findings.

Exotic Chocolate, Sling Back


Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Passion is a Beautiful Thing

When it first came out, I went to the movie theatre to see Michael Jackson’s “This Is It”. I must say that I was impressed from the first frame through the last. Michael was truly blessed. His singing and dancing and directing and producing skills that were developed and refined through the years were AMAZING!! But in addition to that, he believed in having fun, he believed in his fellow man and he was very humble and sincere.

The main thing that I took away from the movie was not this great sense of who Michael Jackson was, but instead I was floored by the amount of passion that he and especially his dancers and back-up singers had. How truly wonderful to know what you want to do and be so driven to do it with every ounce of your being. It was so great to see the dancers who grew up watching Michael Jackson get to realize their dream of working with their idol.

Life can be hard and can take its toll on you, but through it all, you still need to be passionate about something. Do you still have your passion? I know firsthand how easy it is to get caught up in everyday life and lose your passion. I don’t know what my passion is anymore and I get a twinge of jealousy when I see people who know what their passion is and are pursuing it. Oftentimes, I wish that mine was something obvious like singing or dancing.

But as I was leaving the theatre, I was determined to find my passion again and to take stock in my life and figure out what I want from it. When something tragic happens, like losing a superstar like Michael Jackson or someone who is close to you, people tend to have a reality check and see that life is precious and life is short and we should try to make the most out of every day, every hour and every minute that we are given.

Here’s to hoping you have your passion and hoping I find mine.

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Holiday Parties

This past weekend, I was responsible for hosting our Holiday Party at work. It took a lot of work and effort, but we pulled off a flawless event, except for a few people that were somewhat out of control.
I just want to give a few tips on how to attend a holiday party and not end up looking like the class clown and have it talked about at every holiday party going forward…..

1) Wear the appropriate attire. This is not the time for you to show your inner “hoochie” Remember, these are the people you will see on Monday. Believe me, what happens at the party will be circulated at work , Facebook, Twitter, etc, come Monday. This is not Las Vegas. What happens at the holiday party gets magnified. usually, most black dresses work, just not the Lil Kim necklines….. Use color and sparkles to liven up an outfit.

2) Maintain your composure at all times. If there is a two drink ticket limit, do not harass people for their extra drink tickets. Just because I choose to use my ticket for a soft drink, does not mean it is a waste. It just means I don’t want to be tipsy in front of the people I work with and I don’t want my striptease act to be caught on someone’s cell phone.

3) Conversations should be general and kept conservative. Now is not the time to discuss problems at home, politics, religion, issues with your boss or crushes on co-workers. This information always gets back to the people you don’t want it to.

4) Attend the holiday party and accept the holiday gift graciously. These days a majority of companies are not hosting parties, let alone giving holiday gifts to their employees. If you are fortunate to work for a company that is still doing these things, say “Thank You”. Holiday parties and gifts are a way for a company to give back to their employees. If you don’t attend, the company will think of it as a waste of time and cut it out all together. Believe me, when companies start cost cutting measures, you don’t want it to be something that can be a motivator for employees.

Remember, people watching at a Holiday party is better than going to the movies…..Don’t be the one others are watching and talking about.

Peace and Love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Sade is back!

It’s an extra special holiday season for me because I recently heard Sade’s single that will hit February 8, 2010 and it’s awesome! Whitney has come back and Sade is right around the corner and from the look and sound of things she has only gotten better. I can’t wait to hear the entire CD because

I know based on the length of time that she has been gone she has plenty of stories to tell us through song. Sade is the quintessential love artist. Every one of her songs is about love found or love lost but indeed all about love. It’s what makes the world go round...Welcome back Sade you have been sorely missed!!!

Take a listen for yourself and let me know what you think.


Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

OUT WITH THE OLD

The holidays are upon us and the New Year is almost here. So what changes have you made this year that will continue into the next? Every year people say they will lose weight, eat better, exercise etc. There is nothing wrong with those things; actually all of them are wonderful things to do. I am guilty of some of that myself.

I am thinking that I will do some things bigger next year than what I did this year. I want to commit myself to being the best me I can be. Now saying that doesn’t mean that I have not been a good me, it just means that I am going to look at life in a different way.

My plans will be to focus more on serving others. The greatest service that can be done is to provide assistance to those in need. We can all do more of this. I know that we get all caught up in the circumstances of our own lives, but providing time to others is its own reward.

Here are some ways that each of us can help.

Be a supportive ear to a child or adult in crisis.

Volunteer time to serve others. Whether it is in a soup kitchen, foster child facility, nursing home or animal shelter. Take the time to give back

Extend time to a youth that reaches out for help. That could be buying a candy bar to support an event, buying a raffle ticket, volunteering at a school or just listen to one that needs an ear.

Take someone out for an evening that doesn’t get out much

Expose someone to something that they would not under everyday circumstances be exposed to

Have someone teach you something that you may not have opportunity to learn

The phrase for the new year would be “how can I be of service to you”. Doing something nice for others will only broaden the world around you. It opens you up to limitless options in you life.

Remember the person that you assist today could be a future ally in years to come.


Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Christmas Traditions in Chicago

Growing up in Chicago, it seems that one of the local traditions (I've not found anyone outside of the Chicago area who remotely knows what I am talking about with this) was the viewing of 3 short animated films that were always played on our local network, WGN. I was excited to find them on YouTube and thought I would share an old tradition or help you create a new tradition.

SUZY SNOWFLAKE (courtesy of the Museum of Broadcast Communications)



FROSTY THE SNOWMAN (courtesy of the Museum of Broadcast Communications)



HARDROCK COCO AND JOE (courtesy of the Museum of Broadcast Communications)



Happy celebrating the Christmas season!!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

HERE WE GO AGAIN!

So the last time that we were together, I mentioned to you that I had reconnected with Stacey. As I talked about holiday plans, she talked about her past with her ex-husband Carl. I could tell that Stacey still had deep feelings for him despite what she had been through but I was so afraid for her because she could not stop talking about him.

After I finished my call, I called her back because I could not just assume that she was okay. The phone rang five times before she finally picked up and when she did her voice was filled with sadness. "Hey Stacey! How ya doing girlfriend?" "I am doing okay", she said softly. Are you alright? Is everything okay?, I said in a very concerned voice. Stacey replied, "Yeah I am good. Just a little tired. Got a lot on my mind. Well you know that they say that an idle mind is the devils workshop, I told Stacey. What you need is a night out on the town. We can go hangout at Butchey's like we used to do back in the day. Lets go this weekend! I can call up a couple of my other girlfriends and it can be ladies night. Stacey agreed to go however she did not seem very enthusiastic about going. I will swing by and pick you up around nine o'clock.

Horn blows. Stacey walks over and opens the car door. Once inside she meets my friends Heidi and Kim. We head for Butchey's so that we can get our party on.

When we arrived, the place is packed. Because we knew the owner, we were able to walk in without waiting. As we made our way to our table, we ran into Samantha Larue who worked with Stacey and I at a law firm. Samantha was the type of girl who was fake and stank all rolled into one.

All in all, Stacey appeared to be having a good time until........ you guessed it. That dang Luther song, Every year Every Christmas came on. As I watched Stacey across the table, her faced turned from happy to sad. As I glanced around the room behind Stacey, I saw Stacey's ex-husband Carl and he was dancing with none other than Samantha Larue!

Alrighty now!! I am in a little bit of a pickle. My best girlfriend's ex-husband is in the same club that we are in. I know that you say that he is an ex so it should not matter. But I think that it does since Stacey is still healing her wounds. Should I (1) Say hey Stacey, isn't that Carl over there? (2) Start up a long conversation so that she does not turn around and see them on the dance floor? (3) Pretend that I have a headache so that we can hurry up and leave? (4) Grab a guy that is near by and have him engage in conversation with Stacey to distract her? (5) Don't say anything and let her see for herself?

Word to the Wise: Matters of the heart are never black and white but are intertwined with shades of gray.

Stayed tuned for next week’s installment.

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Being Grateful

How many times, have you heard “Just be Grateful for what you have because someone else is worse off than you!” I remember being young and my Great Auntie would remind me constantly of how my mother was a great parent and working hard to become a productive responsible person so “we” could have a better life. I thought “we” could have a better life if only she would buy me the new Stacy Adams- with the gel heel, or the cherry leather Penny Loafers. Not realizing my mother was going to school to become a nurse and my father at the time was always in between jobs!

I now realize that having a family member to care for me while my parents maintain their crazy work and school schedules was really something special. I had a Great Auntie who cooked me breakfast every morning, when half of the food I ate came from the garden she grew right in her back yard on 95th Street. Every morning, we had preserves that came from the grape vine in the backyard that I helped pick and canned the evening before. I on the other hand wanted Welch’s grape jelly. I walked to school but because she was so annoying (I thought) I had to go the office so the secretary could call to say I made it to school safely, no one else had to do that, my peers went straight to the playground. I would return to Aunt Rosie’s house for my afternoon snack, some peaches off the peach tree, or tomato/cucumber salad all from her garden. Dinner would consist of the greens family (collards, mustards, turnips) which we picked after I got my lesson.

As a child I didn’t want that; the rest of my friends were eating Jay’s Hot Stuff potato chips and Funyuns onion rings for afternoon snacks. Some may have had greens from the “corner store” but did they get to pick them? Now as an adult I appreciate all those wonderful things I had as a child and in some way try to pass to my own son.

I try to instill in him to appreciate the little things, although the material things seem better, and it’s during this time…when Black Friday seems to be our topic of conversation. It’s during this time when society tries to send me into debt, that I remind him that you have to be “Grateful of what you have because there are much more who are worse off than you”. I remind him not to think that because others have more or less doesn’t amount to the love I have for him.

During the holidays people to seem to dwell on what they don’t have and not what they have…remember “BE Grateful” for what you do have and know just because everyone has it doesn’t mean it’s “Better” for you!

Chocolate Wedge,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Get In The Mood

I’m not sure why, but lots of people are crying “Bah humbug!” Maybe it’s the economy, maybe they’re stressed, or maybe they’re depressed. Whatever the reason, I don’t get it. I put out my tree, lights, knick knacks, and wreath and started playing the Christmas jams! That is what really puts me in the mood for the season. Yeah, I know they started playing carols right after Halloween, and it was not so much annoying as confusing. But don’t let that retail marketing ploy wreck the joy of the season.

I remember a while back when I worked retail management. The same songs over and over used to drive me nuts! But I sucked it up and made the most of it. I began to be ok with the jazzy, goofy, classic, and every other version of Christmas carols. At one store everyone knew that one of my favorites was, believe it or not Marshmallow World by Johnny Mathis! Singing and dancing along made the hectic time a lot easier. And once I had the type of job where I didn’t have to work long hours before Christmas, I really began to love and appreciate the soundtrack for the season.

There are so many songs and versions to choose from, that even the scroogiest Scrooge should be able to find a song to bring a smile, sigh, cheer, or dance. There’s Ella, Nat, Donny, Bing, Johnny, Aretha, Barbra, Vanessa, Mariah, Brian, Natalie, Yolanda, Faith, Tony, Alvin, and the list goes on. What about Vince Guaraldi’s A Charlie Brown Christmas? Who can resist the infectious Linus and Lucy? That’s the song where everyone is dancing in the cartoon. How about this one, sing it with me now, “Hark! The herald angel sing, glory to the new-born king!”? Now everyone knows this one, “Hang all the mistletoe, I’m gonna get to know you better. This Christmas!” I LOVE them all, traditional songs about Christ as well as songs about family, fun, love, and winter!

For me these are great songs in and out of season. Sometimes if I’m feeling down, I’ll listen to Christmas songs to brighten my day. It doesn’t matter if it is March, June or December!

Here are videos of four of my favorite songs by four great artists. Take a listen and go ahead and give in. Get in the mood!

What Child Is This? – Vanessa Williams


My Christmas Prayer – BeBe Winans


O Holy Night – Mariah Carey


Winter Wonderland – Janelle Monae


Kitten Heels


Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Spirit of the Holidays - Over Indulgence

Everyone is busily going about their merry way in anticipation of the upcoming holiday season of parties, parties, parties.

Don’t get me wrong it feels great to be involved in happy endeavors, getting together with family and friends. Anything that takes your mind off of the everyday routine and gets you into the spirit of the holidays, has to be great, right? However, I do have to be the voice of reason and caution about over indulgence” in eating, during this holiday season.

There are going to be spreads of food everywhere, with everyone offering hundreds of delectable homemade items at your office and at your relatives. It will be easy to slip into the mindset and routine of I can eat it now and worry about losing weight in the New Year.

Sadly enough, this rarely works and we pack on more pounds than we intended. So, why not eat in moderation now, do a little maintenance workout and keep those pesky holiday pounds at bay.

It is very simple. Really, only eat the food items that are special to you this season. If you can get chocolate cake any old time, don’t indulge, but go for something you don’t get all the time and really savor it. It is true a minute on the lips, means years on the hips.

Think, only 30 to 50 minutes of exercise each and every day, will allow you to have those special treat. Go with the mindset, no exercise, no treats. I know this sounds harsh, but you will look and feel better without those extra pounds.

Enjoy this holiday season in moderation!

Peace and Love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

An African American Princess

2009 has given us our first African American President and has also birthed our first African American Princess with Disney’s The Princess and the Frog. The Disney musical had an early release the week of Thanksgiving in New York and Los Angeles and will open nation wide December 11th.

The movie is getting great early reviews and by the looks of the trailer promises to be a movie we should all see even if we don’t have children. The movie stars Anika Noni Rose (Dream Girls) as princess Tiana, Oprah Winfrey as the voice of her mom, and Terrence Howard as the voice of her dad. And I can’t forget the song Never Knew by Ne-Yo.

So this holiday season go see The Princess and the Frog on the big screen. Take your daughters, younger siblings or even play big sister to a few young girls in your neighborhood that might not be able to go. Let our younger generation, particularly our little girls, experience something that we didn’t get when we were younger; a Disney animated movie starring an African American Princess! You can click below and check out a clip from the movie.
The Princess and the Frog trailer

Happy Holidays and remember love yourself first!
Stiletto

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

RENEWING THE OLD

Here I go thinking again ladies. Sometimes I know that I think too much. The thought on my mind today has to deal with renewing old things. Specifically, I am speaking about relationships. Those can come in different forms. They range from platonic friends to passion filled lovers.

Have you ever been involved with someone that made you feel like a good person and that you deserved good things? Now we know people become obsolete from our lives for one reason or another. But have you ever been in a relationship that ended for no uncertain reason. It ended because possibly; you both were at a different stage in your life at the time. It had nothing to do with someone cheating, lying or just being a plain jerk, but that the time was not right for anything more than just a friendship.

Then time passes, we get older and become more settled in life but that person never leaves our heart and mind. You catch yourself here and there thinking of them and wondering how they are doing. Do you think that if that person came back in your life would it be a relationship worth pursing if both parties where willing? What has happened in that time that allows you to believe it could be different this time?

I know as women we tend to gravitate to the familiar just because we seem to already know what we are getting, but is this the way it should be. Do we pursue a relationship because it is familiar or do we pursue because of an actual connection to the other person?

So if you had an opportunity to reconnect with someone that you genuinely liked as a person, do you think it would be worthwhile? Or would that be taking a step back.

Let me know you thoughts on renewing the old? Is there someone that has left an impression on your being that you would consider spending time with again?

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Truly Amazing!

As I approach my 33rd Birthday, I am forced to reflect on the year past and look forward to the year ahead. Around this time last year, I was laid off from a job that, in my heart, I knew was not a good fit for me. However, it was at that job that I met a couple of amazing women who I keep in touch with to this day. I realize that I was there for a purpose. It may not have been to make a career, but I definitely made a sisterly connection with women that I will continue to admire and learn from for years to come.

At that same time, my mother was diagnosed with an illness that required her to have someone available to care for her and take her to doctor’s appointments. All I can say is that GOD is TRULY AMAZING! What seemed like an obstacle or downfall was really a blessing in disguise. I am thankful.

I wasn’t sure if I would spend Thanksgiving 2009, or my 33rd Birthday, with my mother. Again, GOD is TRULY AMAZING! I have enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with those that I love and cherish and look forward to spending my Birthday with them as well.

I have a new job that I was very unsure of in the beginning. However, for the first time in my professional career, I can say that I enjoy my job! GOD is TRULY AMAZING!

I’ve had some obstacles trying to start a family, and though it hasn’t happened yet, I am thankful that each and every test that I take comes back with normal results. Also, my husband and I are at a great place in our marriage. I know that it will happen exactly when it should. GOD is TRULY AMAZING!

Although year 32 had some hills and valleys, I was given a great navigation system and some really good running shoes and ran right on through it. GOD is TRULY AMAZING!

I look forward to what year 33 has to bring and know that the with an AMAZING GOD ordering my steps, I will be fine, fine, fine…whoo (in the words of Mary J. Blige).

Have an AMAZING weekend!

Clutch

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.

HOLIDAY BLUES

It has been some time since I talked to Stacey but I finally got a chance to check in with her to see how the daycare was going and just how life was in general.

Phone rings. Hello, said Stacey. As I began to ask her how things were going, I could hear the Emotions in the background. "Tis the season to be jolly but how can I be when I have nobody". As I listened to her talk, all I could say to myself is "Lord Please don't let this be a relapse!"

She went on to say that things were going well at the daycare center. She had been able to help several people in need. Being at the center has been keeping her very busy so she did not have a lot of time to herself. Now that the holiday season is coming, kids are not in school, so she has been able to close down early.

As I listened to her I felt a certain sense of sadness in her voice. I think Stacey was really feeling the words to that song. Stacey said," I know that I said that being alone does not mean that I am lonely. But as of right now, I am having a change of heart. With the center hours being cut back and all, I have nothing but time to think about the fact that I have no one to spend time with!"

I changed the subject and began to talk about what I planned to do this holiday season. I talked to her about joining me at the yearly holiday party at work, volunteering at a shelter or food bank, or even making holiday gifts to donate to the Children's hospital. As I went on and on, Stacey began to fade away into silence. All I could hear was Luther Van Dross singing Every Year Every Christmas. Finally Stacey began to speak, "This was one of Carl's and mines favorite holiday songs. We would play it when we were wrapping gifts, decorating the tree, hanging the mistletoe, and cooking the holiday meal. With a sigh Stacey said, "Those were definitely the good times."

When I was about to give her more details of the upcoming events, the phone beeped, it was the call waiting signal and it was an important call that I had to take. I ended the call by telling Stacey that I would give her a call back in a few days to see how she was doing. As I ended the call, I could tell that Stacey was preoccupied with her thoughts of being alone.

Okay readers, I need your help. My good friend Stacey seemed a little spacey at the end of our conversation. Should I have (1) Hurried to finish my call and call her right back?(2) Left her alone so she can sort out her thoughts?(3)Found an available friend to send over there to check on her?(4)Called her mother to check on her?(5) Hooked her up with one of my guy friends and arrange a date for them to go out?

Stay tuned for the next installment, Here we go again!

Word to the Wise: Don't let negative thoughts consume you!

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Spirit of???

SPIRIT OF ??????????????????


Sometimes in life you wonder if things happen because they are supposed to, or if it is what is meant to happen.
Have you ever watched the behavior of people at this time of the year? Great isn’t it.
There is merriment, friendship, happiness, communication, and lots of partying. All the requirements of being a good human being to others.
Everyone is more than welcome in their mannerism, and making friends, no problems seems to exist.
All is well and all is great.
This is the way we are supposed to interact with each other, to some extreme, right?
Then tell me what happened in the earlier part of the New Year?
Where did those people go? Where is that spirit of giving, kindness, giving etc,
Remember the effect certain disasters had on people, nations, and even neighborhoods.
Why does that spirt have to go away???
Does anyone have an answer????????
Wouldn’t it be nice if our beautiful spirit could be year round, what a wonderful place this would be?
If we could take the same kind of kinship and make it last year round.

Exotic Chocolate, Sling Back

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo’s Ouestion of the Day

During this Holiday Season, Hobo is asking the question of just how easy is it to forgive and forget? And is it really possible?

Of course I ask this question because of personal reasons, but I also ask because recently there was a murder case highlighted in the news. This case involved an elderly couple whose bodies were found in a local forest preserve. The couple and their family had just celebrated the couple’s 54th wedding anniversary. One of the couple’s children is a local television news anchor. Before the murderers of his parents were arrested he pleaded with the individuals that they turn themselves in to authorities. He also discussed that he had forgiven the individuals who murdered his parents.

I was really surprised by his response (Hobo has not forgiven her cousin for breaking her doll over 20 years ago). I wondered how is it possible not to have any ill-will towards the person or persons who murdered your parents. I know that this is somewhat of an extreme example, but I myself have still have not been able to forgive certain people in my life for particular things that they have done, that I feel are unforgivable.

So,Hobo is asking; should an individual forgive and forget no matter what the situation? And if one chooses not to forgive and forget, just how much will that change you or affect you by holding on to such negative thoughts for any period of time?

Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag

Real life, Real talk, Real women.

Box of Crayon's

When I was growing up, a box of crayons had 16 colors and that was it. A child could mix and match to make different colors, but that was essentially it and you never could get a true lilac with blue and white..

Today, my daughter has 126 colors to choose from as we color in her coloring books. I love to color as it is relaxing and still an enjoyable activity to do with my daughter.

I attended a seminar a few weeks ago and they gave us a box of 24 crayons to keep on our desk. It was to remind us that life is not just black and white. As professionals and in our personal life, we must look at and use all the colors the world has to offer.

So, I reclassified my life, friends, family and co-workers based on colors. Needless to say, I was amazed at the outcome. Obviously, the blues and yellows were people that made me happy, the red’s not so happy and the brown’s fair to middling. What I learned was that I need to spend more time with the people that make me happy and less time with the people that don’t. I need to spend more time cultivating relationships at work that lead to career advancement than with people that lead to career stagnation. As far as activities, I need to start doing things that make me truly happy. Ones, that I had given up because something or someone else became a priority over my needs.

For the first time in years, I am looking forward to the New Year as a year of reorganization not resolution, prioritization of me and not everyone else. To start, I went to Borders and brought a New York Times Sunday Crossword puzzle book. Tonight, I tackle yoga and tomorrow the world.

Let me know the things that you have given up, but would like to get back to doing. Also, let me know what colors are in your crayon box of life…..

Peace and love,

Sandals

Love Yourself First - Part 3

In my mission to love myself first (yes it is an everyday decision), I do a lot of searching on the internet and I am always amazed at how much information I find. Sometimes I find stuff that makes me scream out loud “Yep that’s it!” Other times I find things that I just pass over because it doesn’t speak to me. The following is an article that talks about loving yourself first and lists some practical steps you can take to get you closer to that goal. I have listed a few that I think are great points and have provided the link below if you would like to read the entire article.

Love Yourself First - I'm Happy, You're Happy, We're All Happy!
By Claire Raikes

Loving yourself is about treating yourself as you would treat someone who is really, really precious to you. Someone you love so much that you hurt when they hurt, for whom you would move mountains, just to see them well and happy.

It can be hard to get the balance right. Putting our loved ones' happiness above our own is common; we are only too ready to sacrifice our own needs for theirs. This is particularly so, though not exclusively, for wives and mothers - but this 'modus operandi' will nearly always backfire on us eventually as it leaves us wanting in some way.

Imagine, just for a moment, putting yourself first. It may sound selfish, but it really isn't. It's not about abandoning everyone else; it's simply about honoring your own well being. After all, how can you truly give all that you are capable of giving if you aren't properly nourished, rested, happy and well? And if you don't love and respect yourself, how can you expect others to do the same? So how can you start loving yourself more?

Time and treats just for you - You don't have time? You'd make time for your best friend if they were in need; you are just as worthy. Book a massage or a facial or take a walk in your favorite park - but make the time to do something for yourself regularly.

Get breathless - There is no getting away from it - exercise is crucial for good health and well being. If you don't do any, you are storing up problems. It doesn't have to be a sport or the gym; think 'breathless'. What can you do that's fun and makes you breathless? Dancing? Walking? Cycling? Doing it for 20 mins every other day would be a great start.

Rest and sleep - I used to think sleep was for lazy, boring people. And bizarrely, I was convinced that the less I got, the thinner I'd become! In fact, the opposite is true. More importantly, when you sleep your body gets busy repairing and healing and undoing any damage you may have caused it. Take sleep seriously.

Nourishment - Each time you eat, think of the food in terms of nourishment first, mood enhancement last! I used to eat a lot of pastries, but they have next to no nutritional value. They are a combination of bad fats, sugars and bad carbs. Get into the habit of thinking this way and choose foods that nourish you.

Nurture, honor and love your self - choose only those things that are good for you!

To read the full article, please click below:
[READ FULL ARTICLE]

Remember, if you want to be empowered loving you is essential!

Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

GIVING BACK

I hope all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. This time of year reminds me of those that are less fortunate than me. I reflect on our economy and the state of the world.

I have always reminded my daughter that we must always serve others. I have constantly promoted giving back since she was a little girl. It makes me proud because each at Thanksgiving she always wants to go out and service others. I am so proud that this is something that she truly believes in doing and not just because mom says she would have to.

So as each of us are out shopping this holiday season, please reach out and do something nice for others in your area. Your thoughts should go beyond home. Pick up a gift for a child that maybe in need or check on someone elderly, but just make sure you do at least one thing for someone other than yourself.

Here are some suggestions of places to donate time and/or gifts.

Boys and Girls Club
A local shelter for families, children or women
Our men and women that fight for our country
Hospital (there is always someone that is alone and would appreciate the time)
Senior Centers
Food Pantry

Reach out to a child that may be losing there way. God will lead you to one in need, just ask him.

During these stressful times we must start to return to things that matter. This will allow the children in our lives to value time and mankind versus material goods. Teach them now about the important things in life so when they are faced with life issues they will remember what is truly important.

Have a blessed holiday season and remember that giving to others is its own reward.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Holiday Shopping Safety Tips

Crime always seems to be on the rise during the holiday shopping season. This will be especially true during these tough economic times. Below are a few safety tips to help protect your safety, identity and sanity if you are one of the millions who will be holiday shopping on Black Friday;

 Dress comfortably
 Avoid wearing expensive jewelry while shopping
 Keep cash in your front pocket, instead of a wallet or purse
 Make sure that cells phone are charged in case of an emergency
 Stay alert of your surroundings and avoid, and report, any suspicious persons or
activity
 If you can, avoid using automatic revolving doors, this can be a way to trap
victims
 Always park in well lit areas
 Hide purchases out of plain view in the trunk of your vehicle
 If shopping with children, keep them close and make sure they are aware of what to
do if they get separated
 Do not get aggravated if asked for identification, it’s for your own safety

Hopefully, those that are able, will pump some life into our economy this weekend. Though our economy is on the road to recovery, let’s have fun, be safe and not forget what the holiday seasons are truly about!

Happy Holidays and Happy Shopping!

Clutch

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

This is the first Thanksgiving for Pumps, Purses,and Positivity and we would like to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is a time for celebration. A time for family and friends to come together to laugh, play, eat, but most of all, SHOP.

If you are one of the many Black Friday shoppers, please consider these shopping tips:

•Do not spend more than you can afford to pay for with cash (In other words, leave the credit cards at home)
•You and your family will have needs long past Christmas so don't try to meet every single want if you can't afford to.
•Go to the store with the idea of what you would like to purchase (Blind shopping equals overspending)
•Just because it has a sale sign on it does not mean it is a sale.
•If the sales paper says limited quantities or no rain check on the item that you want to buy, nine times out of ten the store will only have a few available or none at all. It is a tactic that is used to get you into the store and keep you there!
•If you have to question, will "Jane" like this? She probably won't.
•Wear your comfortable shoes, comfortable clothes, and do not bring a purse if possible.
•Gift Cards, Gift Cards, Gift Cards!! Need I say more. They never go out of style and always are the perfect fit.

Make this holiday season not only a time for gift giving but a time for reflection. Look at where you have been over the past eleven months, look at where you are now, and look forward to where you are to be. That alone is more than enough to be thankful for.

So as you gather around the Thanksgiving table today, think of Gods goodness, mercy, and faithfulness. As you start to reflect, you will truly begin to feel the reason for the season.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!


Mary Jane
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

A Recipe

Today I am going to keep it light with a recipe I saw on the internet. It sounds very flavorful, pretty healthy and hearty, easy-to-make and perfect for the colder weather, so I thought I’d share it with you. Serve it with some nice, buttery cornbread and YUM!




Caribbean Rice and Peas
Recipe from Food Network Magazine

Cook Time: 1 hr 15 min
Yield: 4 servings
Prep Time: 40 min
Cook Time: 1 hr 15 min

Ingredients:
• 10 ounces frozen black-eyed peas, thawed
• Kosher salt
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 6 ounces turkey kielbasa (or other smoked sausage), thinly sliced
• 1 large bunch scallions, sliced, white and green parts separated
• 2 small ribs celery, diced
• 6 cloves garlic, sliced
• 1 jalapeno, finely chopped
• 2 teaspoons jerk seasoning
• 2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme
• 2 tablespoons tomato paste
• 1 cup uncooked long-grain brown rice
• 2 bay leaves
• 4 cups stemmed and chopped collard greens

Directions:
Combine the black-eyed peas, 3 cups water and a pinch of salt in a small pot. Cover and bring to a boil.

Meanwhile, heat the olive oil in a large, deep skillet over medium heat. Add the kielbasa and cook until golden, about 2 minutes. Add the scallion whites, celery, garlic, jalapeno, jerk seasoning and a generous pinch of salt. Cook until the vegetables brown, about 5 minutes. Add the thyme and tomato paste and cook, stirring occasionally, until the tomato paste turns brick red, about 2 more minutes. Add the rice, bay leaves and the black-eyed peas with their liquid to the skillet and bring to a boil; do not stir.

Add the collards; cover, reduce the heat to low and simmer undisturbed until most of the liquid is absorbed, about 50 minutes; set aside for 10 minutes. Remove and discard the bay leaves.

Just before serving, add the scallion greens and fluff with a fork.

Enjoy!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

I Choose

I greatly enjoy the music of India Arie. Her lyrics are usually right on point in so many ways. A number of years back, when I was “getting myself together”, I had figured out that happiness and many other things in life, were a choice. So when I heard her song, I Choose, it absolutely resonated with me. It is from the Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship album. From the first strains of “Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been. But today, I have the opportunity to choose.” I thought YES! You can’t change where you’ve been! But you can choose. I then heard her sing, “I done been through some painful things I thought that I would never make it through, filled up with shame from the top of my head to the soles of my shoes. I put myself in so many chaotic circumstances, but by the grace of God I've been given so many second chances. But today I decided to let it all go. I'm dropping these bags I'm making room for my joy.” HEYYYYY! That’s right! I was still wrestling with shame and knew firsthand about God’s grace! When I heard “And I choose, to be the best that I can be. I choose to be authentic in everything I do. My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.” WOOOOO! I must have played that song 10 times full blast. My neighbors probably thought I had lost it. I was singing and dancing! It was great! There are other excellent lyrics in the song about being too concerned with what others think, living for yourself, making decisions, and changing who you are. I’m not sure what events in India’s life birthed these lyrics, but I am glad that it produced this song. It’s an awesome anthem of liberty and taking a stand.

CHOOSE everyone! CHOOSE courage, happiness, to be the best, joy, love, and forgiveness. Just CHOOSE!


Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

First Quarter Report Cards

First Quarter Report Cards

My husband and I had the pleasure of picking up our daughter’s report card this past Wednesday. As usual, all A’s and B’s. Since preschool, we have always gone together to ensure the school knows that this child comes from a very involved and concerned household and that we are her staunchest advocates. Also, we let the school know that we are willing participants in this teacher/parent partnership of educating our daughter the very best of her potential. We leave no stone unturned in getting her the tools necessary to succeed.


I am not saying this to brag or boast, but to make the point that as parents, we control our children’s educational destiny. It is very sad to hear that many parents don’t bother to show up Report Card pick up day. Citing, I can’t take off work, they’ll send it in the mail. Yes, our children must have the mindset and willingness to learn, but we must steer them towards a life of learning. If they don’t have that mindset, we must find the tools to help them overcome their educational challenges. We must provide guidance and leadership in helping them understand this world, not just the United States. The children growing up today will inherit the most diverse population the world has ever seen and minorities will be 60% of the world’s population in less than 20 years.


Therefore, we must be examples and role models for our children. They must see us reading, doing crossword puzzle, exercising, and most importantly eating healthy. Children learn by example. No matter what happens, people remember the bad before they remember the good. Children are labeled bad, before they are labeled good.


The disparity in education across the State of Illinois is appalling and no matter if our children are in the “good schools”, we all need to complain until the level field is leveled for all children regardless of color and socio-economic standing. My daughter is in incredible Chicago Public School and she has surpassed all the ISAT standards for two years. However, think about it. When they talk about minority children having lower test scores, they don’t talk about the children that are surpassing the standards, first. Let’s use all our resources, gifts, and time to make education a priority for all minority children. If you know parents that are overwhelmed, step in and become a part of their village. Everyone needs help now and then. Especially the children.


Peace and Love,


Sandals

A Time of Thanks

When I was growing up Thanksgiving was the day that meant turkey, ham, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes and a slue of desserts. It meant Mom not getting any sleep because she would begin preparing the night before and stay up just to make sure things were perfect. It was one of the few days that my family would all sit down together at the dinner table. No television, no music, just us, with little to no conversation but that was our tradition and that’s how I remember it.

Interestingly enough I don’t really remember any long deep prayers. We said grace but that consisted of “God is good, God is great. Let us thank Him for our food. Amen.” As a child I said that out of habit, not really out of honestly giving thanks. I don’t even think I totally understood what giving thanks meant back then but saying grace on Thanksgiving was another part of my family’s tradition.

As the years went on, we gathered less and less but thankfully giving thanks became much more familiar to me. I began to understand what it meant to be thankful even when all wasn’t necessarily well.

As an adult, I have yet to prepare a complete thanksgiving dinner by myself like my Mom did back in the day; however, I have created my own tradition. For me Thanksgiving is my time to self-reflect. It’s when I go into my quiet place and I do what I call a “deep cleansing of the soul”. This is not the only day I reflect but it is the big overhaul day for me.

Over the years I’ve learned to give thanks for something every single day, not just on Thanksgiving; however I do step it up a notch on that day. That’s my tradition, what’s yours?

Stiletto
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Joys of Juicing

In my almost year old decision to achieve a healthier me, I discovered the joy of juicing. Although no one can resist fresh squeezed Orange, Apple or Watermelon juice, the thought of juicing vegetables seemed gross! I decided to give it a try and was pleasantly surprised. So much so, that now I juice vegetables much more often than fruit. After suffering from Acne for most of my life, I’ve noticed that my skin has gotten tight, refreshed and I rarely have breakouts. I have more energy and my overall attitude is more positive. I will say that when I initially started juicing, I felt a little icky for a couple of weeks as my body detoxed. I stuck with it and it has been a wonderful additional to my “still under construction” new healthy lifestyle.

I would like to share a few of my favorite juice combinations with you:

6 Stalks Asparagus
½ Lemon
½ Cucumber

1 Handful Wheatgrass
1 Inch Fresh Root Ginger
2 Medium Apples
½ Lemon

2 Oranges
3 Kale
6 Stalks Asparagus
1 Handful Spinach

These are a few of the combinations that helped me to get over my ill feelings of juicing vegetables. I typically juice for breakfast and, sometimes, for dinner as well. I’ve read that buying organic fruits and vegetables is best. When they are available, I do buy organic, but non-organic fruits and vegetables work just as well if washed thoroughly.

There are many juicers on the market these days and juicing is becoming a big craze. I am a marketers dream because I fall victim to the late night infomercials. I bought the Jack LaLanne juicer and have been very pleased with it. I hear the Breville also makes very good juicers.

Hopefully those who are interested will give juicing a try. Also, if you currently juice, please share some of your favorite combinations. I am always looking for new drinks to try!

Happy Juicing,

Clutch

Real Life. Real Talk. Real Women.

DECEPTION

"What you have done to me, is already done to you." This is one of my favorite lines from Color Purple.

When I think about those powerful words from Ms. Celie, it could not be more true.

Today I would like to talk about deception. Deception can come in my different forms. When we add a little extra on to our deductions at tax time, that is deception. When we are in school and we grab the Cliff notes or the movie instead of reading the book assignment, that is deception. The worst type of deception is what happens when people that you trust are not who they appear to be.

My question is, what do you do when the covers are pulled off and the true person is revealed?

In the past, my first thought would be to go run and give them a beat down. Thank God for allowing me not to live in my past! But now my approach is to forgive, sit back, observe and watch correction take place. When we are deceived by our family or friends, it hurts to the very core of our being. Though their first intention may not be to deceive, but after a while kindness is taken for weakness and the person that has deceived you will feel that they have not done anything wrong.

As a reminder, picked up the faithful word of God, turned to Romans 12:19 say a prayer and go to bed. You will find a solution, comfort, and peace.

Going forward you will know that all is well.

Word to the wise: Seek God and ask for discernment in ALL things.