Release, Relate, Relax.....

Oftentimes, we are not able to release or discuss things because 1) we don’t want to start drama or be involved in drama, 2) we don’t have anyone to trust and 3) we don’t know how to vent constructively.

The world we live in causes us to be cynical and cautious. We are afraid of letting people into our business. This past weekend was a cleansing weekend as I called up a close friend and we talked for 3 hours…. About her issues and my issues and it felt really good to release, relate and relax… Even though it was over the phone, it was like we were sitting across from each.

I learned that releasing is like turning over a closet for each season. We need to release everything from the prior season. Just as we need to release clothes that don’t fit, we need to let go of pent up issues and feelings. Tight clothes don’t fit nor do they look good. Tight feelings cause stress, which cause health issues.

It is time we took charge and learned to release. 1) Write down all the issues you want resolved or released from your plate; 2) Think about someone you can really talk to without recriminations and 3) Release everything. Do this on a monthly or quarterly basis and you will start to feel better and look better. When I arrived at Church on Sunday, a woman I hadn’t seen in awhile commented that I was glowing and looked refreshed. I took that comment and felt great the rest of the day. It made me feel energized and resolute in continuing my path to better health, weight loss and staying connected with my friends. I am not waiting for New Year’s to have resolutions; I am starting today and making the most of every day. For, in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I forgot to release, relate, relax.

Have a good week and learn to relate, so you may release and then relax with yourself, your girls, etc…I promise you will be energized and ready for whatever life throws your way.

If you have ways that you release, relate or relax, please let me know. I am always looking for new ways to become better energized.

Peace and love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk and Real Women

Are You Waiting To Exhale?

What is it that’s holding you prisoner? What’s keeping you from exhaling? More importantly, what are you waiting on? Oh wait, let me guess…..you’re waiting on the right job, the right church, the right house, the right man, the right amount of money. The list is endless. But you know what happens when we wait? We just end up waiting some more!!

Seriously, that so called “right” job comes along and you’ll find yourself still holding your breath. You think you found that perfect house yet you still can’t exhale. You finally got that degree but you are still waiting……So again I ask you; what exactly are you waiting on? We tend to forget that "Father Time" is still marching forward.

I recently read another book by Rhonda Britten called Fearless Living and I want to share the following excerpt that I found eye opening for me and I hope it touches you.

“Think of the last twenty-four hours. What percentage of those hours were spent just surviving? Surviving means you are settling…waiting for the other shoe to drop…hiding your-self from other people…doubting yourself...never allowing anyone really to get to know you…having friends that are more like enemies…doing things because you think you have to, need to, or should…saying yes when you really want to say no…comparing yourself to anyone and everyone…Living on the other hand, means saying no when you mean no…being grateful for the good in your life…smiling out of the blue…never holding a grudge…being willing to fall in love without the guarantee that you won’t get hurt…telling yourself you can do it when fear makes you think you can not…”

Ladies it’s time to step out of that comfort zone, start living, and love YOU enough to finally exhale!

Stiletto

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Happy Watching!!

I am addicted to television. There…I said it! I don’t know what I would do without being able to watch television. And September marks one of the best times of the year for us addicts. All of the new network shows and episodes start premiering. YAY!!

Though I love television, I must admit that I am not completely happy with some of the scheduling. There is one night when there is absolutely nothing that I want to watch. There is one night when the dancing shows (Dancing With The Stars and So You Think You Can Dance) are competing head-to-head…and with some new programs, so I won’t be watching either of the dance shows. I was a big fan of 90210 the first time it was on, but I wasn’t that thrilled with the “modern take” of the show. Because of that, I also won’t be tuning in to the “new” Melrose Place.

Overall, I think I will have plenty to watch during the prime time hours. The show that I am most excited about is NCIS: LA. I love LL Cool J and that is the reason I can’t wait for this show. There are also a few other new shows that I can’t wait to see, including Trauma, The Good Wife and Accidentally On Purpose. I think these shows have real promise and if they continue to be as strong as their teaser commercials, I think they will be around. But wait---I can’t very well leave out the oldies… I am looking forward to the return of Amazing Race, America’s Next Top Model and Ghost Whisperer. I’m so excited!!

Enough about me…if you want to form your own opinions, I’ve listed the links to take you to the previews for each of the networks.

For the CBS Fall Previews, click here

For the NBC Previews, click here

For the ABC Previews, click here

For the Fox Previews, click here

For The CW Previews, click here

To view the day-by-day, side-by-side schedule, click here

Happy watching!!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Haiti Surprise

For the past 18 months, I’ve been volunteering with a team of 40+ professionals in an organization known as Project Eden. Project Eden’s mission is simple in scope, but enormous in impact: to eradicate poverty around the world one community at a time. It is a unique, biblically based economic development initiative that is the vision of Dr. William Winston. The initial nation targeted for restoration is Haiti. After countless meetings, plans, and changes, our initial trip to Haiti was set for July 2009. While there the team planned to participate in strategic meetings, an entrepreneurial workshop, a teacher summit, health care projects, maintenance at orphanages, give accounting training, distribute clothing, bedding and supplies, and finally hold a rally for youth.

Planning and preparing for the actual trip was eye-opening. Most people have seen on the news or heard about the condition of Haiti. How it is the poorest country in the western hemisphere. How the educational system is one of the worst in the developing world. How there is crime, devastating hurricanes, floods, a health crisis and the list goes on and on. And I won’t even go into detail about travel information for Haiti found on the websites for the Centers for Disease Control and the State Department. I’ll just say two words…vaccines and curfew! I had seen photos. I had read the news reports. It didn’t matter though I was focused and committed to start this great work. I was emotionally ready for what I was about to see….or was I?

The travel team of twenty-two set off before daybreak and arrived in Port au Prince just ahead of a late morning downpour. As we travelled to the hotel I didn’t see anything completely surprising. I saw poverty and desolation. I bounced along on the bad roads. I saw lots and lots of people and lots and lots of trash on the streets. I was tired and couldn’t wait to get some rest. The next morning, we arose and headed out at 6:30 am for a two and a half hour sightseeing and fact finding trip to Jacmel. As we drove along, and I gazed out the windows through sleep deprived eyes, I could not believe how absolutely beautiful the approaching mountains were. I thought wait a minute, am I on vacation? As we wound our way up, up, up into the mountains, I was astonished. I had not even imagined or thought about this part of Haiti. I knew that a historical figure, upon seeing Haiti proclaimed it beautiful and that it was once considered "La Perle des Antilles" or "the Pearl of the Caribbean”. But emotionally, I was ready for the devastation. I was ready to get information and get to work. I had Haiti all wrong. I allowed the evil reports to cloud my expectations. What I saw made me realize that there is still the glimmer of that “Pearl” today. Now don’t get me wrong, there is much work needed in the country of Haiti, but now when I think of it, I see the devastation in the shadows of the beauty and know that there is hope for that nation.

After being back home for a day or so, a team member and I were texting. She said that she missed Haiti. I replied that I did too, and asked what was that about? I then said that I think we fell in love! She agreed.

So tell me ladies, what was your last surprise?

Kitten Heels

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

For more information about Project Eden and how you can help change nations visit www.theprojecteden.org.

What's In Your Hand?

“You’ve gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run”

This is how I can best describe this past weekend. The experience was four fold.

I saw people that I hate that I lost contact with and would enjoy staying in touch with, going forward; (hold em).

I saw people that I had lost contact with and the experience solidified that we are now on a different life path; (fold em).

I saw people that had not grown up despite what their birth certificate said; envious of beautiful friendships that have stood the test of time and showing their envy through comments, stares, and phony smiles; (walk away).

Lastly, I saw people that are into the same stuff that we did back in the day. Talking loud, and saying nothing. From those, your girl had to run!

All in all the experience was great. I had a ton of fun, lots of laughs, and memories beyond measure.

This brought some specific thoughts to mind about friends, acquaintances, and life in general.

Here are a few things to consider when establishing, maintaining, and reigniting friendships. This is an excerpt from a spoken word that I received.

“As you grow, your friendships will change.
Some of your friends will not want you to go on.
They will want you to stay where they are.”

I write this to say at no time should you let anyone try to make a mockery of your choices in life. You should never have to apologize for the successes that you have acquired nor should you look down upon those that did not choose the path that you did.

It is amazing that within our own circles we can feel that we have accomplished much in this world until we cross paths with someone that may appear to be doing just a little bit better.

Yes we all have our flaws, we all have differences of opinion, we all have hang ups. But at the end of the day, this is just a new and improved version of the crab in the barrel syndrome.

Celebrating the growth of others can only help you grow. These are the folks that we need to tap into to get that needed jolt of electricity.

Don’t spend your life disliking folk for no good reason. It is adding years to their lives and subtracting from yours!

What does your hand look like right now? Are you on the verge of throwing in your hand?

Stack your deck and get in the game. Nobody likes to have the losing hand and everybody wants to hold the trump card.

WORDS TO THE WISE

Hold on to your trump cards (good friends and aquaintenances), trade in the cards that don’t fit your strategy to win (fold em), disconnect from the negative (walk away) and run like hell from the Jokers.


Check out your hand! Be a GAMBLER!


Mary Jane


Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

You Gotta Be...Empowered!!!

Saw this posted on Facebook today and thought maybe someone besides me would enjoy it!! This used to be one of my fav songs and it totally makes me feel empowered. And I thought it was appropriate for our blog's one month anniversary. Enjoy!!!



You Gotta Be!!!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

WHERE ARE THEY?

I was listening to a group of my friends debate about the men of today. One person asked, what happen to them? Where are the guys like our dads? Where are the men that call you to just say something nice? That pulls the chair out for you when you need to sit? That compliments you even when you know you are not at your best; where did they go?

"They died in the 60’s", shouted another friend. The courteous, respectful responsible men are extinct. Then my question is to us beautiful ladies...what and who caused this?

Did we cause this? Did we give them the slightest inclination that we do not want to be treated like ladies? Who told them we are independent of these beautiful gestures?

Let‘s think about this, do these great qualities exist, or are they extinct? Ladies, do you ever wonder if our actions may have caused them to think this way? Thanks to ladies like us, who are out there to say, they exist and yes we are independent, but not of good gestures from our mates, friends etc....

DON’T SETTLE, DON’T GIVE UP…..they do exist!

Exotic Chocolate, Sling Back


Real life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo's Reminder of the Day

Just the other day I was "cursing" all the individuals in the city of Chicago who were asking for a hot summer (because it's here and it’s hot). Then one of my fellow bloggers mentioned some of her favorite activates to participate in during Chicago’s summers. This started me thinking about many of the long standing traditions of the city and wondering how have they managed to survive the “test” of time and what motivates a person or community to carry on a tradition or local activities.

I believe that sometimes it really only takes one person to be the voice that motivates and reminds a community the importance of traditions. Reminding others that traditions and local events are not just for fun, eating, and drinking (but it does not hurt). They are a way to bring a community of different races, cultures, and ages together, and it only takes one person or one voice to make it happen.

This thought led me to think about the recent story of one of Chicago’s south suburban libraries that appears destined to close due to lack of funding. Many community members have spoken out and have drawn attention to their plight. By voicing that their library is not just a resource of knowledge and technology for many community children who do not have computers at home but that it is also a source of social connections for children, parents, and the community as a whole.

Therefore, Hobo's reminder of the day is, remember that your voice does count. And with that voice consider helping a community save a very valuable and important resource.

Hobo Bag,
Real talk, Real life, Real women

Learn Something New

Now that school is back in session for the majority of our children, and we have prepared them for school. It is time to prepare ourselves. We should take inventory of our lives and figure out what we want to learn this next school year and thereafter.

I am embarking on an MBA program in October and realized that I have to get re-acclimated to going to school and being super organized. What does this mean? It means taking stock of what I want to accomplish by getting an MBA, as well as, what I want to accomplish for the rest of my life.

One of my co-workers strives to learn something new every single hour. Once she has learned something, she says she can go home. Periodically, we should strive to learn something new and do something new. It keeps us alive and fresh. We must come out of our comfort zone and live a little.

Learning something new does not mean going into the classroom. There are so many wonderful, simple little things that we take for granted and/or always wanted to learn. Now is the time to do something whimsical or for the fun of it.

Let me know things people want to learn or do but never take the time.

Peace and Love,

Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Keep praying and don't give up!

My 18 year old son will be leaving for the navy in three days. My baby will be out on his own. You see I have so many mixed emotions about this. First of all he is my only child and doesn’t currently live with me. We said our good byes last weekend while he visited with me for a few days. But the mixed emotions are based on the realization that he is a young man now about to enter into the next chapter of his life. A chapter that I honestly didn’t always believe would happen.

Let me explain, my son wasn’t really a bad kid he was just like any other typical teenage boy, gave me the blues on a regular basis. He lived with his dad and then he lived with me and then back with his dad. But it didn’t matter where he was living, the school environment never motivated him. He was average at school at best and it was like pulling teeth to get him to do anything. But I continued to pray. He got suspended for fighting, he was constantly getting F’s because he didn’t do any homework and barely studied, but I continued to pray. There were days where I swear I wanted to put my foot so far up his butt but instead I just continued to pray.

Then there was this last transition; the one where I gave him a choice to finish out his junior and senior year with me or go back with his dad. Immediately before I finished the question he said “I want to live with Dad”. It hurt but I did feel like he was in need of dad time so I let him go. Let me explain one other thing, you see at my house there is structure but at his dad’s not so much. I’m not saying that he is not a good father; he just runs his household much differently than I do.

Well after being there for about a month my son called me to tell me he had made the wrong decision. He said that he forgot to look at the big picture like I always tell him to do. Instead he jumped for the instant gratification. So that was the day that I learned all of my lecturing didn’t actually fall on deaf ears. So I explained to him that things would get better and that he needed to give it more time. Of course I could have immediately put plans in motion to have him move back with me but I wanted to teach my son that in life sometimes we do make wrong choices but that doesn’t mean we can’t make it work. So he stayed with his dad and things got better for him.

The next lesson came on the day of his graduation. I was watching him fidget while he waited for his name to be called. I sent him a text asking if he was okay. His answer is something I’ll cherish: “I’m nervous, I can’t believe this it. Mom, I just want to say I know I put you through a lot but you never gave up on me and I thank you for that, I luv u!” So of course the water works began! Again, all my lecturing didn’t fall on deaf ears.

I never gave up but I admit to feeling very nervous and having my doubts about his future, but I continued to pray as I still do. They told me when he was young that he had Attention Deficit Disorder I told them no I’ll change his diet and I continued to pray. They told me that he might need to be placed in a special education class, I told them no I’ll put him in SCORE and I continued to pray. He brought home more F’s then A’s but I continued to pray. Now it’s August 23, 2009 and he will be going into the navy studying to be a Turbine Mechanical Engineer because he scored so well on the test! He just needed to find something he was interested in and he needed to know that no matter what that I still believed in him.

Parents don’t give up! Parenting is probably one of the hardest jobs in the world but it is very rewarding. I am so very proud of my son because he has grown into a very nice young man. So parents hold on, continue to pray and don’t give up!

Luv later

Stiletto

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

LETTING YOUR SPIRIT REST

How many times have you felt betrayed or treated unfairly? No matter what you do you never feel you are good enough, smart or beautiful. People seem not to like you for one reason or another.

That is a time when you need to have forgiveness. We are all human and have been guilty at times of speaking ill will on someone. Holding on to that anger or grudge only holds your spirit hostage.

When you are deciding whether or not to hold on to the “drama” in your life, you have to forgive. People think that forgiving a person whom you feel have wronged you gives them power over you. It is just the opposite. It allows you to be at peace with yourself and the decision you have made to move on pass the hurt feelings.

Think about it. If a person hurts your feelings, they continue to go on as if nothing ever happened. If you continue to hold on to that, you are the one that becomes bitter, depressed and angry. By forgiving, you give yourself the power to move about in your day. That person that tried so hard to ruin your spirit ends up the one that is left with feelings of anger and bitterness. You know the old transference of energy thing!

Forgiveness is never about giving satisfaction to the person or thing that has a hold on you; it is solely for you. So I challenge each of you to take a mental check of someone or something that has a hold of you and release it today. Of course, we must start out small but we must build up.

Remember it takes way more energy to be angry than it does to forgive, but forgiveness lets your spirit rest.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Skin Care

I have to admit…..I am infatuated with skin care products. If they had skin care product therapy…I would enroll. I think that this stems from my experiences with Acne as a tween. Unfortunately, this has been an issue for me through adulthood as well. I have tried it all, with the exception of rubbing a newborn baby’s diaper on my face. However, If I had kids of my own, I would have tried that one also!

I am interested in hearing what the beautiful men and women reading this blog have done to keep their outer shells flawless. I have spent more time at the dermatologists office then at my local library, but I have managed to find two wonderful dermatologist who specialize in ethnic skin. They are both in the Chicago-land area. One in downtown Chicago, and the other in the far south suburbs. I will list their info below. My question to you is:

"What’s your skin care regimen"?
　
　
Dr. Brook Jackson
Skin Wellness Center of Chicago
www.skinwellnesscenter.org

Dr. Donna Stockton
19639 Lagrange Rd
Mokena, IL 60448
(708) 478-3530


Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women.

Clutch

Back to the Middle

Who defines our success?

Is it defined by where we live, where we work, or who we socialize with?

No matter where you are in life this very moment, one thing that is certain is that we all got here the same way.

Life has a way of tossing us to and fro and it is up to us individually to find our path in life but quite often, we need help.

Since the beginning of time, there has always been the haves and the have not. While there have been many fortunate to prosper, there have been many left to be among the have not.

Matthew 20:16 Says that the last shall become first.

My question is where are you in line right now? Are you among the first that have been ambitious, employed, and so far removed from the day to day struggles of life that you have forgotten or have no clue what it is like to be without? Or are you among the last, the group that society has sadly given up on. The three “u” group: the under educated, unemployed, and uncouth.

I believe that there is room for everyone in the middle.

In the middle you can learn from one another. In the middle you can understand one another. In the middle you can help one another.

I challenge everyone to take a long look in the mirror. Are you all that you desire to be? Is there more to be done? Can you say that I have truly contributed to the uplifting of the “down trodden”.

There are people that need your help to make it to the next level…not by words, but by actions.

Consider starting a workshop, etc based on experiences that you have encountered. President Obama said it best when he said that we must serve. It is time to save our generations; not by staying within our element but stepping out of it. After some time, the impact that you make will far exceed your first impression.

Invest your time, talent and skills. The return will be worth more than gold.

Come Back to the Middle!

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

LOVE

Remember how it felt to be in love? Couldn't wait to see this person or be with this person?

That love encompasses your very being.

Then you forget---self, family and even friends.

Then after the love, what happens? You can't wait for him to disappear. The thought of him sickens you!!

Then you regret your decisions and hope you will be ok after he leaves you.

LADIES, just a thought. My contribution to you is in the form of an assignment. A song by Tamia, called “ME”.



Please google it, then read those words….

And remember---remember ladies, you first!


Exotic Chocolate, Sling Back

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

(Re) Charge It!

Sometimes it seems that you can never get a break. Like the Energizer Bunny…you keep going and going and going!! But every once in a while…you need to re-charge your “battery”.

I recently had the occasion of getting together for dinner with a long-time friend to help me re-charge my battery. This friend is the owner of a manufacturing business, her husband owns his own retail service business, she is very devout Christian and is very active in her church, she does a ton of community service, she takes care of her elder family members, she spends time with younger family members, and she’s got at least one business trip scheduled each month from now until March; not to mention a vacation trip or two or three. She’s not only keeping her business running, but she’s meeting new clients to grow her business. In fact, she’s talking about building a new plant. How does she do it?!!

She is amazing to me!! I can’t fathom how she does it all and keeps it all together. Any time we get together, I leave feeling re-charged and ready to take on the world. She probably doesn’t even realize what an inspiration she is to those around her. And she does it effortlessly…in our eyes anyway.

How does she do it? She’s got a good sense of what is important in life. She is an expert in planning and scheduling and doing what needs to be done. And she makes sure that her life is balanced. She takes time for work, for her husband, for family, for friends and for herself. She has become self-aware enough to realize when she needs to take a break and re-charge---and she does it!

Do you know when it’s time for you to re-charge? It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day activities of life and it’s so easy to forget about taking care of you. I tell my “busy” friends this all of the time. If you find yourself saying you can’t do something for yourself, (like get together with friends or even getting a manicure) because you’re too “busy”, you might want to take stock and see when it was when you last re-charged your battery.

It doesn’t take much…just a little “me” time. You work so hard to let everyone else know how special they are, why not show yourself how special you are?!! Get that manicure, or go to the movies, or call up a friend and arrange for lunch. Something just for you! Take a few minutes each day…or plan something bigger once a week or even once a month. You’ll be amazed at how much better life will be when you take a little time and re-charge yourself.

Take care of you!

A Cute Funky Handbag

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Saying Thank You

This past weekend, I volunteered along with two other PPP women to handout backpacks and school supplies to children in need in a not so privileged neighborhood. Over 50 volunteers and staff members gave up precious time, plans with their families and/or loved ones to volunteer outside in the hot, sweltering sun. This is not to bash the organizers of the event, just to set the stage.

Over 450 backpacks were given out. Yes, that is a tremendous amount of backpacks and a tremendous amount of people in need. Thank you to all the companies that donated their resources, staff and time to make this event happen. More kudos to the people who donated all of the supplies.

Unfortunately, the event was tainted for me, because a large majority of the parents and children did not say “Thank You” for anything. Not for the backpacks, food, face painting, games, etc. They were not aware of the time, sweat and resources that went into filling to the brim, backpacks with all types of school supplies, calculators, etc. Also, the backpacks were sorted into age group and grade level to ensure that the children got the appropriate backpack for the grade level.

Please know that this is not to preach, but to encourage parents to teach their children to be grateful and appreciative of people who do things for them that are not in the norm. Teach them to say please and thank you. Learn what it means to be a volunteer and what it takes to serve others.

I would love to spend all my time with my husband, daughter and family. Fortunately, I was taught to serve and give back. Although this was a little shocking, it won’t stop me from volunteering. Everyone should really learn to give of themselves. For it is very true, “it is far better to give than to receive”.

Peace and love,

Sandals

Real Live, Real Talk, Real Women

Pamper Yourself

Ladies are any of you out there feeling stressed? Typically I do but I have learned that we have to take a stress break when ever we can. When I say stress break I mean we have to figure out what areas in our lives are causing it and then figure out a way to decompress. For most of us it’s the job, the relationship, the economy….I could go on and on but loving yourself first means staying healthy. Stress is not good for our health and too many of us are having heart attacks, ulcers, high blood pressure and the culprit is stress.

Pampering usually helps me. I’m not saying that it’s the cure, we all know there are other issues going on when it comes to stress that we need to keep in check. All I’m saying is that pampering is a nice break that we all deserve. It doesn’t have to be any big expensive spa package to constitute as pampering either. It can be as simple as coming home and just soaking your feet in Epsom salt. Pampering is whatever makes you feel good and lets face it ladies, WE ARE WORTH IT!!!

Here are a few things I like to do:

Take a long walk – I live very close to the river and I love taking walks and just looking at the water and nature’s beauty all around me. I tend to forget about the days events and I’m also getting some exercise in.

Take short breaks during the day – If you are able to step away from your work it is always great to just go outside for a few minutes. You would be surprised at how much better you feel if you just step away and give your mind a break.

Relax in a nice soothing bubble bath – I love to light a few candles and turn on some soft music and just let my mind drift away. I feel so refreshed and rested after a nice soak.

Treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure – It is awesome to just sit back and have someone else paint your nails and your toes, I love it!!

Treat yourself to a 30 minute massage – This doesn’t have to be expensive. Check in your city for massage schools because sometimes the students give massages on certain days of the week for far less than a spa price.

These are just a few things that I like to do but there are so many things you can do to help yourself relax and relief stress. Take time to think about a few small things that you can add to your daily routine that will make you feel better. Just another step in loving yourself first!!

Stiletto

Real life, Real talk, Real women

REFELCTION ON THE WEEK

On a beautiful Wednesday evening as I made my journey home at the end of a work day, I reflected on all the craziness that has happened this week in our world. Daily, I have heard children dying or near death from senseless acts of violence, planes colliding in mid air in a city that has been devastated since 911 and children taking the lives of their elders. On top of everything else, our economy has not been making much progress.

In all of that chaos a simple song comes on the radio and I begin to smile. So with all the madness we endure on a daily bases, I wanted each of you to share this smile with me. If you haven’t heard it before you should Google it, but in the meantime I am going to leave you with the lyrics. The song is Zoom by the Commodores and if you don’t smile or at least find some silence in the madness let me know.

I may be just a foolish dreamer but I don't care 'cause I know my happiness is waiting out there somewhere I’m searching for that silver lining horizons that I’ve never seen oh I like to take just a moment and dream my dream oh and dream my dream

oh- zoom I’d like to fly far away from he-re where my mind oh Lord sees fresh and clear and I’d find a love that I long to see where everybody can be what they want to be

oh- I’d like to greet the sun each morning and walk amongst the stars at night I’d like to know the taste of heartache in my life in my life well I shared so many pains and I played so many games oh I hope that everyone finds the right way somehow someway someday

oh- zoom I’d like to fly far away from he-re where my mind oh Lord can see fresh and clear and I’d find a love that I long to see where people can be what they want to be

whoa- I wish the world was truly happy livin' as one I wish the word they call freedom someday would come someday would come

oh- zoom I’d like to fly far away from he-re where my mind can see fresh and clear and I’d find a love that I long to see where everybody can be what they want to be.

Make sure you check out this song. I’m telling you your mood will change instantly. Just remember even when life gets tough, there is always peace in the simple things.

Much Love

Chanel

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Chicago Hot Spots

The last two weekends in Chicago have finally given us a sneak peak of summer weather. It’s been that type of weather that makes you want to get out and do something….anything. With that in mind, I wanted to share some of my favorite hang-outs for those wonderful Chi-Town summers. I ask that you share those hidden gems that you have found in your neck of the woods with the online community. That way, we can all get our last minute fun in before Summer 2009 is just a faint memory!

Sweet Mandy B’s- 1208 W. Webster, Chicago, IL: The most awesome cupcakes I’ve ever had. My favorite is the Banana cupcake with Chocolate frosting. The Red Velvet cupcakes are also amazing!

Chili Mac’s- 3152 N Broadway, Chicago, IL: I’ve never had the food, but the Frozen Blue Margarita has made this a summer time staple for many years! Beware, it doesn’t look potent but OH BOY!!!!! Yum!

Oak Street Beachstro- 1001 N. Lake Shore Dr., Chicago, IL: It sits right off the lake….what more needs to be said!

Close Up 2- 416 S. Clark, Chicago, IL: A very nice and intimate live jazz lounge. The bands change from week to week but I have yet to hear one that I don’t like. The atmosphere is great and the service is even better!

Twisted Lizard- 1964 N. Sheffield, Chicago, IL: You have to try the fish taco’s. They also have great margarita specials.

The Wit Hotel- 201 N. State St., Chicago, IL: Okay, stood in line for 3 hours and didn’t get up to the 27th floor outdoor balcony lounge. However, I’ve only heard great things about this place and the eye candy coming in and out wasn’t too shabby either!

I can’t wait to try your summertime "Hot Spots" in Chicago and elsewhere throughout the country!

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Clutch

The Perfect Man

While driving today my mind began to ponder. I actually had a Sex and the City moment.

The question that came to mind is how do you define a perfect man?

If I had my way, I would say, give me one that is a good listener, unselfish, loves me so unconditionally that he makes me feel like I am the only woman in the room even though the room is overflowing with women, a great sense of humor but knows when to be serious, a provider, a protector, a priest. The list can go on and on. Since science has not yet scratched the surface on perfecting this, in the meantime we need to provide sensible solutions for future generations.

Since we seldom get all that we hope for, does that mean that we have gotten tired of trying to find Mr. Right and have settled for Mr. Right Now? Or does he truly just not exist?

Let’s take a look back.

Back in the day, a man had some ideas on how to be a man. If he was a “rolling stone”, he would keep it in the streets, did not bring it home and took care of home and everything in it. His wife, his children and even his best friend, Butch the dog, would not go without.

Fast forwarding thirty years or so there are many men that have NO CLUE on what it means to be a man.

I like to compare it to a tomato. It grows on the vine (parents) if removed to soon it lacks proper maturity…small in size, lack of beautiful crimson color, and is not good to taste. On the other side, left too long, it can become overripe to the point of spoiling, too soft and good for nothing but the trash.

Parents, we must learn to mold our male children into the men that they are called to be.

MOMS! Teach him that it is okay to talk about his feelings and not shut the world out. MOMS! Teach him that to be in love is a good thing as long as the intentions are true. MOMS! Tell your young men that you love them.

MEN! Teach your young men how to respect women most importantly by respecting YOUR woman. MEN! Teach your young men compassion and tell them that you love them. MEN! Teach your young men of their role in the home as a man. In a majority of cases, the woman is playing that role and that is not how it should be. MEN! Teach your young men to not be so hard that they loose all sense of emotions to the point that they don’t care about anyone or anything. Above all…..PLEASE STAY IN THEIR LIVES!!!!

There needs to be a balance…they need to be grounded. But most of all, THEY NEED TO BE TAUGHT!

I put this in perspective by asking this question: Do you want the beautifully colored, good to taste, pleasing to the eye tomato that comes from the healthy well-cared for vine? Or do you want the immature, not pleasant tasting tomato that comes from a dying or dead vine that is only good for the trash?

STEPS TO A GOOD HARVEST

Survey the land….Get to know your young men (his ways, his habits, his capabilities)
Cultivate – Recognize when issues arise and deal with them immediately
Fertilize – Teach them through words and actions on a daily basis

As children grow up, they will reach moments when they don’t listen to reason and are down right hard headed. But keep in mind that a well kept vine always bares good fruit.

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Enough!!!!

When do we as women draw that line, the invisible line of no more nonsense? The crap we consistently take from the ones we call “significant” others in our lives?

The ones we call friends, boyfriend, husbands, baby daddy, and other choice words etc.
Sometimes we get trapped in abusive situations and think it is normal because it has originated its self as a daily part of our lives.

Example: - we get ourselves involved in situations where we are with someone that is clearly not there for us. They do not take you out; they never have a kind word and do not give a damn if you are alive or dead.

We allow these people in our lives and they make our lives miserable. They change us into monsters of suspicion; we become detectives of blatant lies, cheats and mistrusting souls. We go through undergarments and become sniff dogs, degrading ourselves because of things we find out, things that make us not able to trust our mates.

We lose the beautiful person we are and become transformed into these things that we ourselves do not understand or know.

We become liars to others and worse to ourselves because they have physically, emotionally and spiritually hurt us and we now use the excuse to try and gather ourselves together.

At what point do you say enough?

We learn to make all sorts of excuses to allow them to have the best of us.

Ladies we need to say ENOUGH, now we have all sorts of support systems out there that will help us do better for ourselves.

First we have to want the help, we have to say ENOUGH is ENOUGH and regain the beautiful person that lies with in us.

Only you can change your path to REGAIN you, by saying ENOUGH....!!!!


Exotic Chocolate - Sling Back


Real Life, Real Women, Real Talk

Hobo's Question of the Day

Whatever happened to “ole” fashion common courteousy and respect for your neighbor? As I mentioned (complained) in a previous writing. I wonder if we have become a society of individuals who are so isolated and disconnected from each other that we forgot how to respect one another, and appreciate our fellow neighbor?

I ask this question because, about a week ago I was at one of my favorite stores, when I and another woman noticed that a small child was trying to hold open the automatic sliding doors, but was not strong enough to do so. The other woman pulled the young girl away just as the doors were about to close on her hands. I then asked the woman who was not too far away “Is this your little girl, she almost got her hands caught in the door. The woman then looked at us and said “why don’t you try minding your own business. I quickly responded with a very pleasant response of, “you’re welcome”.

Later I began to recall a time when one would always say thank you and excuse me. And it was was completely unheard of if someone did not do so Recently, I have found myself more shocked when I do hear the remark then when I do not.

A little later in that day (while I was still perplexed by the woman’s lack of gratitude), I began to think about a completely different level of disrespect. I began thinking about complete lack of disrespect that led up to events of the Burr Oaks Cemetery tragedy. How can an individual have such little respect for another persons most treasured belief of laying a family member or loved one “to rest” and disregard that belief by literally spitting on that belief, just to make a profit?

So my question: Am I old fashioned to believe in saying thank you, excuse me, and simply showing respect to a stranger, that has not done anything to you, should be common practice?
How do we as women, men, and children return to a place where your neighbor was viewed as a possible friend and not a stranger who we feel the need to potentially disrespect?

Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag
Real talk, Real life, Real women

Life's Journey

This weekend in Chicago was great! Finally, a glimpse of summer and some hot weather. Some people thought too hot and some thought it took too, too long to get here. I was of the latter, as I hate the cold. No matter what your outlook, the journey of life is still the same, but we take different paths. Right now in Chicago, it’s hot. Tomorrow may be cold. Seasons come and go and so do the seasons or our lives. Life’s journey is all about time. For some, too little, other’s too much and for some, it never begins. Life takes its own sweet time, but it is very fleeting and seems to pass by in an instant. This journey called life goes by so fast, and no one has come back from death to tell us how it is on the other side, so we must make this journey count. My daughter is ten and I still vividly see the chubby little toddler who has now grown into a mature tween.

So, no preaching, let’s just talk so we can make the most of this journey we have. A good friend told me that, if we work, we only have 168 hours of free time to ourselves during the week. A few weeks ago, friends and I were at a play that was going from bad to worse. We decided to leave at intermission and go for dessert. Our thought, did we really want to waste two more hours of our precious 168 hours on a play we did not care about. Right then and there, I became cognizant of with whom and how I spend my time. Ladies, let me tell you, it has been liberating and cleared up a lot of time in my calendar to do the things I want to do.

Obviously, we don’t know how much time we have and we really can’t worry about it. However, we can make sure that we live life to the fullest, at every moment. This may be difficult for some, but everyone can take stock of their lives, friends and work. This is very vital to living life to the fullest. Personally, I don’t have enough time to spend with the people I really want to be with (my husband, daughter, sisters, mother, girlfriends, etc.) all of the time. However, I do know that I am never going to spend it with negative, knuckle-headed, long-suffering people, again. I am going to be happy in work, life or whatever endeavor I decide to undertake and I will no longer accept negativity in any way shape or form.

Every night I am blessed to go to sleep knowing that I have been a good wife, mother, friend, sister, family member, etc. This sustains me in case I don’t wake up. I want people to really think about what sustains them and really ensure that their journey through life is everything they want it to be. Our legacy is not just for us, it is for everyone we encounter. Therefore, we want life’s journey and our legacy to be positive. So, ladies please take stock of your journey up to now and then decide how you want the rest of the ride to be……

Peace and Love

Sandals

Real life, Real Talk, Real Women

Moving on

How many of you have friends that are not real supportive when you want to make changes that might bring you to your next level? I’m sure many of you do and you might not even realize it. Well I’m here to tell you that you have to cut the strings! I know, it sounds harsh especially if these might be life long friends we are talking about. Unfortunately if you continue to surround yourself with people who are expending more negative energy then positive you will never be able to rise above it. Well, I shouldn’t say never but it will be far more difficult then what it needs to be.

Let’s face it everyone you know should not have a director role in your life; that position belongs to you. So there comes a time when we have to take inventory of our friends and really make tough but necessary decisions. You know I’m all about loving yourself first and another step in really being able to do that is to make sure you are surrounding yourself with friends that are very supportive of your goals and what you are trying to accomplish. If you want to soar like an eagle then it is imperative that you stop hanging around pigeons!!!! Yes this may mean that you have to learn to do things by yourself but there is nothing wrong with that. Cleansing is necessary if you really want to move to the next level in your life. Don’t be content if you know deep inside that you are not being the best you that you can possibly be. Life is entirely too short so you owe it to yourself and your Creator to make it your best life.

Ladies, no one said that it would be easy but please believe me, you have to clean house because if you don’t you will constantly have people talking you out of what THEY are afraid of. It’s not for them so they probably won’t understand. Surround yourself with people that do understand. You have to because it is hard and there will be times when you feel like you can’t do it but when you are around people who have done it before they can relate and motivate you. When you stick with those who haven’t done and don’t have a desire to grow, when you are feeling nervous or afraid they will talk you right out of your dream.

To love yourself first, to love yourself inside and out you have to reach for those dreams and those desires. That’s how you begin to live your best life. It takes stepping outside of your comfort zone which often time means that everyone that is currently in your life can not come along. Most times you’ll find that they don’t even want to come along and they don’t want you to go either. You have to put an end to those relationships, even if they are family members! It’s time to move on and start living and loving your life.

Stiletto

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

DEALING WITH THE UNKNOWN

What do you do when you find out that something happened to your child that you weren’t told about? This is hard to deal with for any parent. What do you say to your child or how do you interact with them.

If a parent learns that a child is being touched inappropriately how should they react? I know that the first reaction is rage, but we as parents need to stay focused. Our attention needs to be on the initial needs of the child. As parents we need to take that communication and reassure our child that the world is not a horrible place but there are some unkind people in it.

Mothers with our female children especially, we need to make sure that they are heard. We should not take their comments lightly. I know as our young women mature, there are times when they may say things to get our attention or as a tool to get a man out of our lives that they may not like for some reason or another but it should not be brushed off lightly. What happens when the person in question is a family member? Our children need to know that is ok to speak no matter who it is.

So many women walk around with hurt and anger from their childhoods and are unable to live happy healthy lives because of this pain. It is our responsibility to make sure that our young women become functioning adults. Mothers we need to encourage both our young women and young men to speak out when they have been touched inappropriately.

Our biggest fear as parents is that someone will hurt our children and we can’t protect them. With our society in the state it is in now, our children have to fight a lot of things and dealing with the pain that comes along with being molested is far reaching.

The best things we can do for our children is to make them aware that there are good people out there as well as bad. We have to make sure that they are not afraid to speak out when bad stuff happens. Let them know that speaking out gives them a power that can never be taken away.
I wish I had spoken out as a child but my parents never spoke about topics like this. As a child I thought that it is something that was suppose to happen. It was not until I was an adult that I spoke out on it, and by that time the predator was close to death. I did tell my immediate family but other members were never told.

I just want to leave you with this comment. Please speak to your children and pay attention to them. I know they can be a chore at times, but we have to let them know that we are always on their side in times of turmoil.

MUCH LOVE

Chanel

Real Life Real Talk Real Women

Good Hair

This topic comes to mind after seeing a trailer for a new documentary by Chris Rock, set to be released in October. I have to be honest in saying that I have NEVER understood the meaning of the phrase, "Good Hair " but have so often heard, and even used this phrase. Being an ethnic woman, I have wholeheartedly paid the price to have so called "Good Hair". Check out the link below for the movie’s trailer. What is your definition of "Good Hair"? How has the ideal affected you as a woman?
　
http://www.youtube.com/user/GoodHairMovie

Clutch

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Break the Ties

How many times must you say NO?
How many times will he say that he loves you so?
The punching, the kicking, the biting, the fighting
I am so tired of seeing you hurting and crying.
To be a victim of abuse staying with him when you should turn him loose!

I am so afraid that I start to shudder
At the thought of losing another Mother
Friend, Sister, or Daughter to domestic abuse

My dear friend please don’t listen to the lies
Run like Hell, Please cut the ties!
You are worth so much more than words can explain
God loves you so and would not have you feel this pain.

Step out on faith be strong stand tall
You can make it, you don’t need this, please hear my call!

Don’t stick around thinking that he will change
Because you will continue to be a victim of his RAGE!

Stop making excuses and blaming yourself
Because this is dangerously hazardous to your health

Please hear my cry ladies state you case
When you are ready for help call 800-799-SAFE

Mary Jane

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

So What

When was the last time you heard that statement, have you ever wondered why anyone would say it?
Seems like a juvenile statement, doesn’t it?
But when you think of it, it is quite powerful, so what!

Earlier this year a talk show host had to use it to tell the world, basically, to hell with you, and what you think, SO WHAT.

Unfortunately society and the body of people that live in it strike against people when they don’t fit in that slot that they place out there for every body to fit in. You know the slots. The slot of being too fat or being too thin. The slot of dating a younger man or being gay.
The slot of not being the right color or gender for the right job. The slot of being called a b**** if you are too aggressive for a job or stand up for what you believe in…
The slot of not having the right hair style /texture/ length or even color.
Ladies, beautiful women, you know what we say to this, SOOOO WHAT. Yeah I am fat, so what, yes I love younger men so what, yes I drink a glass of wine with my lunch and dinner too, SOOO WHAT!

Yes we will not fit in the slots of society, we will be who we are strong, proud, ambitious, supportive, beautiful women of different backgrounds and color, and do what we please as long as we do not hurt anyone.
For those who don’t like it guess what we say ………..


Real Talk, Real Life, Real Women


Exotic chocolate- Sling Back

Hobo's Question of the Day

Whatever happened to the true belief in “It takes a village to raise a child”?
Have we as a society become so self involved and isolated from our neighbors that we are allowing an entire generation to walk the path of no return?
I ask this question because not to long ago when I was a child, there were certain “rules” that my friends and I never questioned or went against.
On many occasions, I have noticed children just standing at street corners (long after the street lights were on) on a school night, with no adult supervision, and what seems to be no apparent destination.
I have witnessed a couple of my friend’s children ignore their parents when their name is called or say “what do you want” when they do respond. One of my friend’s children actually ran away because his parents did not allow him to “hang out” with his friends, because he had failed most of his classes in school.
Yet the thing that is causing me the greatest concern is the amount of children who are committing crimes and killing one another. It seems as if there is an entire generation of children who just do not care.
So my question: As someone who does not have any children, what is my part (if any) in reinforcing more positive attitudes for children to witness and/or model after? What can we as a society do to insure that children are no longer witness to so much negativity, believe that it is acceptable to disrespect their neighbor, and start believing in a more positive and productive future.

Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

In Support of Sisterhood

Have you ever been somewhere with other women and no one speaks to each other? You get body checked, sized up, but not spoken to or even do the speaking. What is up with this constant disrespect of sisters to each other? When did or does it start?

This summer our daughter is staying with close friends with children her age during the day instead of going to summer camp. My friend has a 12 year-old cousin visiting from Alabama for about 8 weeks. This child is the nicest, most mannerable and agreeable child I have ever met. She speaks with a Southern accent and is of a “traditional” size (#1 Ladies Detective Agency). Most importantly, she has loads of confidence. The girls in our village of all colors embraced her openly and without any regards to her different accent, size, etc. The summer has gone famously and last night I attended her going away party that her Chicago friends threw at an Ice Cream Parlor. The sweetness of their play and happiness at celebrating their friend, even though she was leaving the next day, was priceless. The innocence of young children is precious.

When does this change of body checking or sizing other women up start to occur? Is it the onset of hormones? I honestly don’t remember. How can we stop this madness and get on with loving and supporting each other? How can we help and prevent our daughters from falling into this trap? The trap of thinking every other woman is competition, can’t be trusted with our job, man or secrets. I have a short story and then I will answer these questions.

I met Stiletto at a conference of a large company that we worked for. There were only 6 other black women at the 180+ person conference. I was friendly with and knew all the other black women. Stiletto and I didn’t get a chance to meet until day 3 of the conference, although we saw each other periodically throughout the day. Finally, we met on the bus ride to dinner. She sat next to me and we talked like we were best friends. I honestly believe that people cannot pick other people to be their friends; it has to be a “mutual” coming together. As our conversation progressed over our group dinner, she mentioned that she didn’t normally talk to other black women because she seemed to always have a problem and that sometimes other black women had a problem with her.

Who hasn’t lived this story? Of course, she is gorgeous and I could see people being intimidated, but at heart we all want relationships in our lives whether from men, our families or our girls. In Stiletto, I found someone with the same values, ideas, wants, needs, insecurities, humor, silliness that we all have and/or seek. The old proverbs of our big mama’s and mama’s is true, “you can’t know about the book until you read the words because the title is a tease or a turnoff” We must take the leap of faith to speak to someone that we wouldn’t ordinarily speak to even if it takes us out of our comfort level. Saying hello doesn’t cost any money, not one red cent. However, it might yield a pot of gold in terms of friendship. If Stiletto hadn’t sat next to me, we wouldn’t be blogging today. I am lucky to count these women as my friends and sisters.

Now to answer the question(s): We must ensure that every girl is confident in her abilities and let her know that having her own education and “stuff” is paramount to not letting anyone “body check” you into feeling insecure. When you are smart, confident and have your own stuff, you can rule the world. The adage “beauty is, as beauty does” is so true. Our daughters must know that being beautiful inside will have deep, long lasting effects on other people’s lives. External beauty is fleeting and people forget really quickly when it's gone.

Many people think Sex and the City was a white girl myth and that Girlfriends was a true depiction of black female relationships. Don’t get me wrong, each show has it’s cult following. Although, I am black, I happen to be of the SATC camp. I enjoy the nurturing friendships that women can give each other. I keep mentioning that we started this blog because we wanted to enjoy a girls night out with women that weren’t long suffering, complained or whined about everything and most importantly, we wanted to make a difference with our shared and different experiences. It is okay to whine or complain as long as you are going to take constructive feedback and do something about your situation. Not one person wants to constantly hear stories that are not resolute or have a conclusion. Make a pact with your “girls” that you are embarking on a life of positivity and take that drive together. Teach it to your daughters, sisters or other girls/women in your lives. The scenery will be refreshing and rewarding. I promise this grass will be greener and better!

Peace and love,
Sandals

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Do you love your body?

“Do I Look Fat in This?” The Title of this book written by Rhonda Britten jumped out at me because growing up I asked that very question of friends and family members EVERY DAY!!! It was an actual daily ritual for me. So I picked up the book and decided to buy it to see what it was all about. Well I didn’t know what I was getting myself into but apparently I still have some insecurity issues with my body image. As I began to read I found out that Rhonda Britten is a famous life coach who is the founder of Fearless Living Institute as well as the star of the daytime reality series “Starting Over” also with Iyanla Vanzant. The show has since been canceled but as I continued to read I was completely amazed at how a woman I had never met or even heard of could be telling my story….LOL! I mean it was as if she grew up with me or she was my life coach and she was using my story to write this book. Hmmmm, yep more proof that we go through similar issues all the time and we are never by ourselves; it just feels that way sometimes.

Well I am on a mission to be happier in life and to learn to love myself first so that the decisions I make are not made out of fear. So when I found that I still have some unresolved issues with my body image I figured what a good place to start! Yes, there is work involved! You have to reach down deep to find out what the real issues are. It’s all apart of rebuilding/regaining our self-esteem, our since of self worth. We have to love ourselves first and part of that is loving YOU inside and out. You may not realize this but hating or not liking your body really does hold you back from many things. It’s almost like a prison because there are certain things you don’t allow yourself to do based on how you feel about your body image. Isn’t it time to let all of that go and be free? It is for me and I’m determined to stop comparing myself to others, to stop thinking that it is possible to have a perfect body when we all have imperfections.

I am learning to not worry so much about the size but be more concerned with how comfortable it fits. I don’t have anxiety attacks anymore when the scale doesn’t reflect the number I think it should. These are things that I have learned over time but the one issue I still have after reading this book is that I’m still not very comfortable with looking at myself naked. I find the need to point out every imperfection and flaw that I see instead of embracing and loving the body I’m in. So really any progress that I have made by no longer comparing myself to others or not fixating on clothing sizes and scale numbers is over shadowed by my inability to look in a mirror and say positive things about what I see. One of the steps that I have begun to do is saying something positive about my body everyday. That’s right, everyday when I look in the mirror whether in the morning while dressing or at night I find something good to say about what I see even if it’s small. This is actually helping me build my inner confidence level. Of course there will always be something we want to change or work on and there’s nothing wrong with that but we need to make sure that we are not setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves.

I have always exercised so that’s not a step that I need to add to my routine but I do have to work on eating healthier, taking vitamins, and getting rest. It’s really about taking care of self and I can’t say it enough, loving ourselves first!! With some hard work and dedication we are able to change our mindset and our perspective, but it does take work and it isn’t always easy! I’ll never have a body like Beyonce but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn to love the body that I do have!

Stiletto

Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women

Hobo's Question Of The Day

Why does one continue to remain in a romantic relationship that has no potential or future?

When are we as women going to finally acknowledge and accept our self worth and true value?

I ask this question because I know a 16 year old girl who is smart, outgoing, and attractive. She is dating a young man who during their relationship gave her a sexually transmitted disease, ended their relationship (right before prom), and spread very disparaging rumors about her. Just recently he realized the errors of his ways and apologized and they are now once again dating.

I have to admit that I was once involved in a relationship where despite the lack of respect and the lack of acknowledgment that I received throughout the entire four years long relationship, I continued on, thinking that just maybe one day he would actually acknowledge and appreciate who I am and what I had to offer as partner. Well, the day never came. I really feel as if I have a decent level of confidence and I think that I am an intelligent individual. So, why on God's green earth did I stay so long?

Maybe it is because we as women are constantly bombarded with songs like “Stand by your Man”, and images of wives standing next to her husband during a press conference, while he explains why he had an affair with a much younger women and/or why he fathered a child outside his marriage. Do we as women continue in the relationship because we truly love that person or do we not want to admit failure?

So my question: How do we as women remind ourselves of our true self worth and encourage each other to do the same? And when or/ if the time comes, will we have the strength to let go of a dead end relationship with out any self doubt or regret?

Looking for answers,

Hobo Bag.