The Death of a Parent

It’s inevitable right? I mean we all know that our parents won’t live forever, right? Well I guess when we are older we know that but it still doesn’t change how much it hurts.

My Mom died just about 15 years ago. She was only in her fifties; unfortunately she didn’t lead a very healthy lifestyle. When I got the news that she was rushed to the hospital I was living in California at the time and she was in Boston. At first I was shocked, I mean my Mom has had her run in with sickness based on her lifestyle but she always managed to pull out of it and come out okay. This time I could tell it was going to be different.

When I spoke to family members I suppose they were trying to hold back because they didn’t make me feel like it was an emergency. But I felt the need to speak with her doctor directly. I was glad that I did because he suggested that I think about coming home immediately. Like I said, at first I was in shock. I seriously didn’t know what to think or do. Thankfully my job at the time told me to take care of home and not to worry about how many days I might be gone and so forth, so that was one less thing I had to worry about.

I managed to get myself home early that next morning and went directly to the hospital. During my flight home my Mom slipped into a coma and the doctors didn’t think that she would come out of it. Again just shock and emptiness because I didn’t even remember the last words that I said to her. Since we weren’t in the habit of saying I Love You, I knew those words weren’t the last ones. I wanted to cry but honestly nothing would come out so all I could do was sit and stare at the women that had done the best job she knew how with raising me.

As the rest of my family members came to the hospital the conversation about pulling the plug began. I couldn’t believe my ears! Didn’t anyone want to see if a miracle was going to occur???? I just got there, why were they discussing pulling the plug so soon????? I found my voice and although I am the youngest I made it perfectly clear that there will be no plug pulling just yet. I just needed more time to sort things out, to think and to pray.

The next day I had a long talk with the doctor and he explained that there wasn’t much more that could be done for my Mom. If she were to come out of the coma the damage that had occurred was too severe and on top of all that, her left leg would need to be amputated just below the knee due to a blood clot. Basically my mother had completely stopped taking her medicine and went back to eating very unhealthy for several months and all of that had taken a toll on her body. She suffered a massive stroke that damaged much of the right side of her body. The doctor said that she would probably not be able to speak again or do anything for herself.

Armed with all of that information and having prayed about the whole situation the night before and all the way over to the hospital, that day I decided that it would be best to let my Mom go. So we pulled the plug and she passed away over night.

I didn’t have time to cry, it was time to make the funeral arrangements. I did just that and managed to get through the services just fine. It wasn’t until we reached the grave site and her coffin lowered that I lost it. It was at that very moment that I knew she was really gone. Even though it’s been 15 years I still think about my Mom and get overcome with sadness. But I know she is with me and I know she watches over me.

So to those of you who are blessed enough to have one or both parents these are the thoughts I want to leave you with......let them know you love them. Yes I know they can sometimes be difficult even challenging as they grow older but cherish the time that you have with them.

Stiletto,
Real Life, Real Talk, Real Women